Scandal, Intrigue, Theft, Lies - the dark side of 'that' toy

[quincey]

Hello Ladies, I,m new here but have admired the advice you give from afar for a while so my most recent parental challenge has prompted me to 'dive in'!!

My otherwise law-abiding 8 yr old has taken to lying & stealing all because of the toy found in clarks shoes. Her's was lost/stolen (jury's out on that one)so after many tears and an email to clarks, it was kind of forgotton...or so I thought. Whilst doing some washing some weeks later, I found the doll in the pocket of some shorts!!!! Looked a bit battered but none the less, found - hurrah.... I read in her journal that this doll was actually taken (stolen )from someone else!!!

How do I handle this one? Obviously, she'd be absolutely distraught if she knew I was reading her journal, but I feel it needs to be addressed???

Incidently, Clarks sent me a new one so I have suggested to her that we give the new one to someone else at school who has lost theirs. (have also talked loads about why we shouldn't take things from others etc)

On reading her most recent journal entry, I see that she's really worried that i'm on to something. Is this enough of a lesson for her?

hmmm should you be reading her diary?

i think the best thing you can do is to come clean. tell her that you know and give the new toy to the person she stole the toy from.

great title btw

I think you should tell her you think something might be wrong and give her the opportunity to tell you what she did and come up with a plan to make amends together.
I do know with my DD2 who is 7, that when she lies to me, she is always rather relieved when I make it clear that I know about it. She worries a lot about confessing, even though I have always made it clear that I am not angry when she owns up to stuff, but rather pleased that she was brave enough.
It will be better for your DD if you can encourage her to tell you the truth (making it clear that you know she has something to hide) than if you let her know that you have read her diary.
I am in two minds about the diary reading thing - I would like to say that you shouldn't do it, but I think I would find the temptation too great to resist. Devious as it is however, I actually think it is more important not to let them KNOW you have read it, than not to read it. And I know that's not right

I know she is young but your child won't trust you if you start reading her diary.

mmm, I agree with all of you!! I accept that I should not have read the diary but the decision to read it came from a good place! I really don't want to spy on her, I just want to help her get through this 'purple patch' and ultimately to learn from it. I've given her loads of opportunities to 'fess up, all to no avail..

The incident took place several weeks ago.It's due to my washing backlog that We only just found the doll!

I think I'll give the new doll to the friend that dd stole from. That way, the friend gets the nice shiny new one and dd is left with the battered old one. I think there is a bit of justice in that....

Meanwhile, I'll keep hammering away at the importance of telling the truth/being nice/thinking of others etc etc - all of things we all aspire to!!!