Furious 3 year old? Feel like I'm failing

[alwaystired234]

My youngest's behaviour is difficult and as shes gotten older it's gotten even more so, I'm struggling a bit. Shes got a temper, like she sees red and will gave these little rages more than 20 times a day. The only thing that can calm her down is by doing breathing exercises which she will actively do once I've gotten down to eye level and asked her to stop but before we get to that stage she will roar, throw things, hit and punch, especially her 4 year old brother. Once she is calm I will make her sit on the naughty step for two minutes then I will speak to her but she will be laughing and singing the entire time. Confiscating toys or naughty step dont really work.

She does not listen to me and I will ask her something up to 10-15 times. I get down to her level and have to catch her eye then she will engage and she touches EVERYTHNIG. Doing the school run is next to impossible because she will sit on the floor and play with the dirt, I will pick her up she will pull at twigs and leaves etc et. Again punishments dont really work and having to hold her hand and walk just gets the rage. Shes also full on energy 24/7 and will not sit still at all.

Shes a very kind and affectionate girl and says hello to every single person we pass and loves to touch my hair and rubs my hand as comfort and shes very smart but I'm just feeling a bit run down with the rest of the behaviour because it's a lot of the day. Does anybody have any suggestions?

You must be shattered! Parenting is tough, especially at the moment.

I have a 4yo and 2yo as well as train foster carers in behaviour support.

a book I find really useful to think of different ways to help with our children's emotions and therefore behaviour is

raising2children.com/book-review-on-help-your-child-deal-with-stress-and-thrive/

all behaviour has meaning and it's our emotions that drive our behaviour. our children are learning to recognise and deal with their emotions which takes time and for us to help figure out what works for them. (we call it co-regulation)

take care of yourself too x

hugs This must be so hard. You're not failing! It sounds like you're doing some really positive things and teaching her to self regulate which is great. I think punishment for having emotions at this age especially is not going to get very far tbh. Logical consequences however stated in a factual and none-judgemental way whilst she's calm and regulated will teach her that there's a purpose to regulating her behaviour and that it's acheivable. Eg; if she throws a wobbler because you turn the tv off. 'Oh dear. I've noticed that turning the tv off causes you to get really angry and throw things around the room. This isn't an acceptable way of showing people that you're angry. I think we need to agree that if you behave like this again when we turn off the TV we have to have a break from TV for a few days. If you get angry perhaps come to mummy for a cuddle/jump on the spot/spin around until you feel better' The difference is you're not just punishing you're stating a natural consequence for their behaviour and giving them as much support as you can to manage that behaviour better next time. It's a marathon not a sprint and I'd advise to just try and stay calm and don't give in to the behaviour but don't rise to it either if that makes sense. Xx