School lunch

[byproxy]

My little boy is 30 lbs over weight. Genetically he is not blessed, he's adopted and his biological mother is a larger lady, I also know she is quite an addictive personality. Drugs, alcohol, food.

Me and my partner are warring. My little man is not really eating his lunch. When I say that I mean anything healthy in his lunch. He will eat his sandwhiches and hobnob bar, ignore his fruits and carrots. Says he has no time because of Covid restrictions on lunches in schools.

My dilemma is .... I feel my partner is being too harsh. No chocolate, no biscuits, no crisps, just sandwiches and fruits and vegetables. We are fighting a lot right now because I feel he will grow up and out of his weight problem, he's so young, food is such a pleasure to kids. One of the only ones they have.

I would like some advice on this please. Be kind. How do o give our little boy a balanced diet with the indulgences he needs.

He doesn't "need" "indulgences" What a bizarre way of looking at it!

No child needs chocolate...they LIKE it for sure... and it can be part of a child's diet in moderation but not every day.

Children who eat chocolate, crisps and biscuits daily won't all be overweight...some will though and if your child is so overweight then why in God's name are you still making him unwell by giving him a Hobnob bar and crisps!?

One thing we try to practice with my dd (also adopted btw) is a 'more' approach to eating. More fresh food, more exercise not less junk and less screen time if that makes sense. It's more positive and sets the foundations for a healthy attitude to food. For example if my LO is asking for more potatoes/garlic bread with her meal we say finrle but she has to eat a good amount of her protein and veges first. 9/10 times this will fill her up and she will forget about the carbs. We don't make her finish anything we put in front of her either. They need to learn themselves when they're full. In this case if he's coming home without eating the good stuff I'd be inclined to agree with dad. Explain that diet needs to be balanced so he goes to school with sandwhiches and fruit and veg. If he finishes these at school (providing you trust him not to just throw them away lol) then he can choose from a single biscuit or pack of crisps accompanied with more fruit or veg when he's home. Does he get much exercise? Could there be any emotional reasons he's overeating such as past neglect? It might be worth aslo putting this over in the adoption section as you might get more attachment specific advice. It's under 'becoming a parent' xx

@Jannt86

One thing we try to practice with my dd (also adopted btw) is a 'more' approach to eating. More fresh food, more exercise not less junk and less screen time if that makes sense. It's more positive and sets the foundations for a healthy attitude to food. For example if my LO is asking for more potatoes/garlic bread with her meal we say finrle but she has to eat a good amount of her protein and veges first. 9/10 times this will fill her up and she will forget about the carbs. We don't make her finish anything we put in front of her either. They need to learn themselves when they're full. In this case if he's coming home without eating the good stuff I'd be inclined to agree with dad. Explain that diet needs to be balanced so he goes to school with sandwhiches and fruit and veg. If he finishes these at school (providing you trust him not to just throw them away lol) then he can choose from a single biscuit or pack of crisps accompanied with more fruit or veg when he's home. Does he get much exercise? Could there be any emotional reasons he's overeating such as past neglect? It might be worth aslo putting this over in the adoption section as you might get more attachment specific advice. It's under 'becoming a parent' xx

Thank you so much for your kind words... I see not so kind words prior to your comment but I emotionally prepared myself for that. I just wanted someone to speak to me completely impartially, all our family is so in love with our little man that it's difficult to sift out what's right and what's wrong xx

@FortunesFave

He doesn't "need" "indulgences" What a bizarre way of looking at it!

No child needs chocolate...they LIKE it for sure... and it can be part of a child's diet in moderation but not every day.

Children who eat chocolate, crisps and biscuits daily won't all be overweight...some will though and if your child is so overweight then why in God's name are you still making him unwell by giving him a Hobnob bar and crisps!?

Thank you, I respect your honesty and your .. extremely cutting comments.

I know it becomes so much more complex with adoption. I've had very similar internal battles with how to parent my dd and dh and I have also disagreed at times. There's no rulebook and you just want to get it right. I have learned though that you have to be kind to yourself. I am guilty of overthinking things with my dd so much that I become stressed and irritable at her which is of course completely counterproductive. They don't teach you any of this in training lol. I think there's ways to manage the weight without being negative about it. Acheiving a balance with diet, increasing outdoor/exercise time and distraction from food and screen time is probably key. It might also be worth seeking advice from the school nurse or after adoption team too. Good luck. I'm sure with such a loving family behind him he will do just fine xx

I can see you're not being realistic...my post wasn't cutting at all. It was honest and factual. Since you don't seem able to look at things objectively, why don't you speak to the doctor about his diet?

It's plain that children who eat too much of the wrong foods and sometimes too much of the right foods...get fat.

Obesity will ruin his life if you let it.

@Jannt86

I know it becomes so much more complex with adoption. I've had very similar internal battles with how to parent my dd and dh and I have also disagreed at times. There's no rulebook and you just want to get it right. I have learned though that you have to be kind to yourself. I am guilty of overthinking things with my dd so much that I become stressed and irritable at her which is of course completely counterproductive. They don't teach you any of this in training lol. I think there's ways to manage the weight without being negative about it. Acheiving a balance with diet, increasing outdoor/exercise time and distraction from food and screen time is probably key. It might also be worth seeking advice from the school nurse or after adoption team too. Good luck. I'm sure with such a loving family behind him he will do just fine xx

It is so difficult, he will eat and eat and eat. He is very greedy but so kind, sweet and loving. It crucifies me when I have to say no. My partner does it so easily, we are however both terrified that he will get bullied for his weight in high school (he is in year 4 primary). We both have his best interests at heart, we adore him but we see he is lazy and obsessive about food. I made his school lunch last night and put only oranges and tomatoes as a snack 🤦🏼‍♀️ feel cruel because I know he will be disappointed. I appreciate your kind words so much. Hugs to you and your little girl ❤️

@FortunesFave

I can see you're not being realistic...my post wasn't cutting at all. It was honest and factual. Since you don't seem able to look at things objectively, why don't you speak to the doctor about his diet?

It's plain that children who eat too much of the wrong foods and sometimes too much of the right foods...get fat.

Obesity will ruin his life if you let it.

I do appreciate you are speaking from a place I can't because I am so emotionally attached. I was prepared for responses that I wouldn't love. I came to Mumsnet because me and my partner just can not agree and seem to have big arguments over her ability to have her foot firmly down and then me looking at his little face and feeling just terrible when I won't let him eat his easer eggs. I very much appreciate your view point.