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Baby rarely engaging with us

8 replies

Foxglove21 · 21/04/2021 09:28

My 11, nearly 12 week old baby rarely engages with us. It was identified at his 8 week GP developmental check that he still wasn't social smiling. He finally smiled at around 10 weeks, however he only really smiles at us perhaps once every few days and it's very hit and miss.

He also rarely makes eye contact with us, and will go out of his way to avoid looking at us (if we move to be in his eye line he will quickly move away). He's fascinated by the walls/ceiling/pictures on the walls/inside cover of his pram and will give them lovely smiles.

He similarly doesn't track us/objects of interest with his eyes very well; about 90% of the time when we try to encourage this he's staring off into the distance. He doesn't look at us when we come into the room, and shows little interest in anything we show him- he just stares past it instead.

He passed his newborn hearing test, and passed the eye checks at the development check up.

My GP has now referred him to a pediatrician and I can't stop worrying and feeling upset about it; sure that it means he's got autism. I know they can't test for this until much later on, but the anxiety is really getting to me. My health visitor isn't interested and keeps just saying nothing can be done about it. Due to covid I've missed out on meeting parents with babies the same age as mine, so can't really make a comparison to see how their babies are interacting.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with their babies at this younger age? How did it work out?

OP posts:
Newmumma92 · 28/08/2021 11:25

Hi! I'm sorry I can't offer you any answers but I sympathize with you as im going through the same thing with my 12 week old. It's really hard not to worry. I was wondering if you have any updates on your little one?

Bombleton · 28/08/2021 22:49

@Newmumma92

Hi! I'm sorry I can't offer you any answers but I sympathize with you as im going through the same thing with my 12 week old. It's really hard not to worry. I was wondering if you have any updates on your little one?
My son was similar to the above description. He is autistic. It's really not the end of the world thay Dr Google leads you to believe. He is nearly 5. Thriving in mainstream school. Has friendships. So intelligent. Caring, funny, kind. All the things I wanted in my child.

Get your HV to check you little one over. They will likely refer to opthamology and audiology. Just because they passed the checks a few months ago, doesn't mean to say things haven't change. Glue ear can really affect social development.

Good luck xxx

Newmumma92 · 29/08/2021 05:10

Your little one sounds like they are absolutely thriving. I worK in disability care and see so many ends of the spectrum and every child is so kind and beautifully unique. It's more the unknown that I worry about as you want to be doing everything you can to help as soon as possible so it's just comforting to know other mummas go through similar experiences. Thankyou for your response :)

Bombleton · 29/08/2021 08:05

@Newmumma92

Your little one sounds like they are absolutely thriving. I worK in disability care and see so many ends of the spectrum and every child is so kind and beautifully unique. It's more the unknown that I worry about as you want to be doing everything you can to help as soon as possible so it's just comforting to know other mummas go through similar experiences. Thankyou for your response :)
Oh I can completely relate to the not knowing stomach churning.

I've got some niggling concerns about my 9 month old. And ultimately I'm not bothered which neurotype she is, it's the current not knowing that's the problem.

And then the narrative on the YouTube videos "10 early RED FLAGS!!!", "When to WORRY about AUTISM" makes it feel devastating.

Good luck with it all xxx

Newmumma92 · 29/08/2021 09:54

Yep that's definitely where the stress comes from. The mind can go crazy and in the end they'll be exactly who they are supposed to be no matter all our worry. I'll try to listen to my partner and stay off YouTube and just enjoy all the moments.

Thankyou and goodluck to you with everything and enjoy all the special time when your bub is still so little. X

mthrofflwr · 05/03/2023 02:09

@Foxglove21 how is ur baby now

Foxglove21 · 05/03/2023 20:12

I posted an update on a similar thread I wrote on, but just adding it on here for any others experiencing this more recently:

Update 2 years on, as I know this is really what I was looking for when I was worrying about this.

My little one has just recently turned two and he is now the most sociable, happy, joyful little boy. He loves chatting with us all and plays well with other children; he makes us laugh every day with his sweet personality. He suddenly started smiling properly/regularly about 12-14 weeks or so if I remember correctly.

Looking back on his early weeks with a clearer mind I think it maybe partly was due to him suffering with reflux and being in pain with that, but mostly I think it was just one of those things. We think back and giggle now about how we used to joke that he loved the light shade and the walls more than us as he was so mesmerised by them.

It's easy for me to say this now, but I do feel it's a bit of a shame really that my GP let me get so worked up about it- they were really insistent that it wasn't 'normal' that he wasn't smiling by 8 weeks or so, when really he just happened to be a little late to the party with it... it's made no blind bit of difference to how he is now. I ended up spending a few weeks worrying about it and falling down the dreaded google-hole instead of just enjoying him properly.

He was a little later than others to start talking properly too and I found I was less worried this time as I knew he'd get there eventually, as he did with his smiling. And I was right- one day it was like a switch had flipped and he had lots of new words. However he was earlier than his peers to reach some of the other milestones so it doesn't really mean anything in his case.

He of course, still only 2 so it may well be that he might have autism that has yet to be diagnosed, but I really don't think he does to be honest (I work with children with additional needs so have a fair bit of experience with this). He's very much a people-person and now doesn't show a single sign of this.

Hope this brings some comfort to others who might be worrying about similar :) Not to say it would be 'bad' if he was autistic as I know it's very much a spectrum and many children do just great. It's just that I remember the stress of not knowing (I'm admittedly a bit of a worrier) and wondering what the future might hold for him/wanting to start getting him the right support early if he was diagnosed, so just wanted to reassure others that it is indeed very hard to say at such a young age and things that look like definite signs might just be one of those things.

OP posts:
mthrofflwr · 08/03/2023 01:39

@FFoxglove21 thank you so much for the update

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