Step daughter has been intermittently refusing to see her dad (My husband) for 3/4 months.
For context: the child is 7 years old. me and child’s mother are on very good terms. I like her and I feel she respects the care I offer her little girl. Problem is this... my husband and her parenting styles are very different. I can’t speak wholly for the mum, but my husband’s parenting style is firm and affectionate with strong boundaries such as not sleeping in our bed at night. My husband doesn’t like to shower attention in the form of gifts. And treats are somewhat limited but open conversation, affection and activities are always offered and encouraged. From feedback we get from child things at her mums are very materialistic based - and attention is shown in the form of gifts or inapp purchases, sleeping in bed with mum at night ajnd various other (my opinion) unhealthy manners.
There is obviously A lot more background to everybody’s involvement in the child’s life and their affect on her temperament but as it stands the child is refusing to see dad and screams the car/house down when mummy goes to leave, creating huge animosity between child and dad.
My advice to My husband and her mum is to let her set the pace and the boundaries of visitation. If that means taking her back to her mums when she is inconsolable then so be it. However this is causing a complete breakdown of communication and tenderness between child and dad. My husband feels he is completely losing the bond he had with his daughter and it breaks my heart. I absolutely don’t think anybody is to blame here, but the child at seven years old is responding better, and only seems to feel ok with her mum. This is also causing resentment and bitterness between husband and the child’s mum because the mum doesn’t feel like he’s pulling his weight as a dad. We have tried the ‘she has to stick it out for the duration’ tactic many times, but child was deeply unhappy and displaying sadness on every visit. Mother says she is not an unhappy child at her home when she’s with her.
Please please could We have some advice on the best course of action for dad and daughter to move forward. Please do be as blunt as needed. We will answer any future questions you have. Any comments appreciated 💕