Naughty step not working!

[SamRae]

Hello everyone!

My DD is 2 and a half and we are right in the thick of her pushing boundaries! We realised we needed to be stricter but she is super head strong. So many people suggested the naughty step but that just doesn't work for us. The issue we also have is that we don't really have a place we can put her and leave her safely. We have really steep steps in our house, so can't leave her unsupervised and any corner we attempt to use instead she won't stay in. If we sit there with her then it doesn't have the same effect as she has our attention. Yesterday I ended up putting her in her cot bed instead which I wanted to avoid as we don't want her to associate bed with discipline! Any advice much welcome!

Having brought up two very challenging girls (one with ADD) I suggest that at 2, the best method is distraction.

Can I ask exactly what it is that she does wrong?

Hiya - She's not doing anything wrong I suppose she's just challenging us, doesn't want to wash her hands, have a bath, change clothes etc. She hates being rushed into things goes at her own pace and is very in the moment - if she is at home she won't want to go out when she is out she doesn't want to go home! We try and distract - but she is very headstrong!

Mine just turned 3 is very similar. Heart if gold but can be soooo oppositional and refusing to do basic things. I don't think naughty step or punishment work very well for this kindof defiance because it just challenges them to push further. I agree with distraction and playfulness as a way of getting round it. I'm a total goofball eg; her toothbrush talks and tells her to come and brush her teeth And we have races to get dressed etc. Giving choices that still get you where you need to be also work eg 'are you running to the car or jumping there?' If all else fails I just do whatever I need for her. I tell her twice she's having trouble listening and so will do it for her and 3rd time I just do it. I don't ask 'shall we to to the park' for example either I say 'we are going to the park' It's hard but I think trying to give them some control but letting them know that when you say something you mean it is the key. Good luck xx

A thinking mat (rug) is our very last resort for our 2.5yo. We stay with him and once we calmed him down through different breathing techniques, we then connect feelings to behaviours > think of a different way to deal with feeling and then we're off playing again.

We try to ask how he is feeling when we see challenging behaviours to see if we can deal with it "all behaviour has meaning".
Dr Patricia Crittenden talk about our children needs to feel (their perception) safe, comfort and have proximity and predictability. I usually do a quick think if my son is needing any of those to reduce challenging behaviours. My blog explains all four but here is one link to give an example.
raising2children.com/why-children-need-predictability/

@raising2children your blog makes a lot of sense have sent this to my husband to read. We've moved house 3 months ago and after lock down (where things were a hell of a lot more predictable) and everything has changed for her. I'm not always consistent with how I deal with situations, we don't have a set routine. It probably does feel like chaos to her. Thank you for this it's really given me something to work towards

@Jannt86 yes to distraction and choices absolutely - it's good to hear that you don't think the naughty step always works because I just hear it's so brilliant all the time! It's not working for us!

@SamRae - just remember your daughter knows you love her. I remember I was so frustrated with my 4yo so I told him I was trying to figure out how to help him (with his behaviour). I then asked if he could help me figure it out and he did 😊

I hope this doesn't come across condescending but I'm going to say it anyway. I train foster carers and I'm constantly reminding them that it's been a tough year on everyone. We need to make sure we are kind to ourselves and partners. Having a word with yourself - 3 things you do well everyday, gives a confidence boost.

you've got this my lovely x

@RuthLlama123 I literally don't understand your point here?

@raising2children Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this today. Yesterday was actually an improvement and I feel a little more confident! It's been the hardest part of parenting for me so far, but we just went with it yesterday, and realised she's having a worse time in the moment than we are! I also realise now than tantrums are unavoidable so I need to stay firm. But you are right it's been a hard 12 months and she does know she's loved. Just have to work through it. Thanks again xx