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Toilet Training relapse? Help!

15 replies

marthamoo · 01/11/2004 07:12

Ds2 (3 in December) has been toilet trained since August. I didn't push him into it - he was ready to do it and the process was fairly painless. I thought he'd got it sussed....

Last week or so he has been having 5 or 6 accidents a day. He says he needs a wee but has already started when I pull his pants down. My washing machine is working overtime! Yesterday he needed 5 changes of pants and trousers. This morning (bear in mind it's only 7am) he is on to his third pair of trousers. And I know I'm supposed to be all calm and "oh it's doesn't matter" and I am...but through increasingly gritted teeth. He isn't bothered in the slightest, btw - is not upset about having an accident.

Any experience? Am getting really fed up.

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bizzi · 01/11/2004 08:03

I would collect a sample and get it checked just to rule out infection. Then go with the flow, no pun intendid . My dd2 relapsed following a particularly stressful period, she also didn't seem to notice or be bothered. Could there be a change in his life that is possibly more significant to him than you realise? Change in nursery staff? or something similar... Even if you can't figure out a reason I think laying off on pressure will help him relax and get it right again. Good luck, I'm sure it wont take long, frustrating though!

roisin · 01/11/2004 08:04

He's probably just being a bit lazy, and not thinking about it until it's too late. What motivation strategies work for him? How about setting up a sticker chart, with a star for every successful wee on the toilet with dry pants, and a special sticker at the end of the day if he still has on the clothes he started with? Or you could give him a chocolate button or something for every success? Definitely concentrate on the successes, and praise them, and hopefully he'll get the message that it's worth him cooperating.

HTH

Twiglett · 01/11/2004 08:08

agree with roisin

also try teaching him to take his own trousers / pants off and put them on again ..

and for a while you can start reminding him every half hour or so

marthamoo · 01/11/2004 09:21

It's now quarter past 9 and we've run out of trousers I am so fed up Probably not helped by a 5am start...again.

Thanks for replies - I really don't think he has an infection, bizzi, but I happen to have a pet microbiologist (dh) so getting a wee sample tested is something I can do!

Roisin (and twigs) - I agree, I think he's got blase and a bt lazy about it. I think a star chart would be a good idea - I haven't used one with him before but I'm going to start one today. And chocolate buttons would be an excellent incentive too - this boy would kill for chocolate.

OP posts:
roisin · 02/11/2004 18:49

Oh poor you, and poor him! Did Monday get any better? What about today?

If he doesn't understand what advent calendars really are, you can pick them up very cheaply atm, and he could open a little door and have a choccie for every success?

zebra · 02/11/2004 19:21

Dd has been like that on/off for a year, Marthamoo. Her laziness finally ended in an UTI, & we have to frog-march her to the loo every 2 hours or so, now.

oneofeach · 02/11/2004 19:48

I've had a very similar experience with DS, when he started nursery. I must say that it took a good month or two to get back to normal but sticker charts etc worked pretty well. At the time I thought things would never improve but they did and everything is fine now.

unicorn · 02/11/2004 19:56

Sympathies on the washing front MM..

My ds (3 in jan) is doing the same.. just seems to 'forget' to go unless he is reminded.

I think it is a normal developmental thing (ie too busy playing, doesn't want to interrupt the activity, and being wet isn't such a big deal) nevertheless very annoying.

Also my ds is still in nappy at night- so I guess he just forgets that pants aren't the same thing.

pepsi · 02/11/2004 20:29

my dd 2.7 is doing the same, we trained her in July and she masterd poo and wee in 2 days with only 1 accidents, she was a dream....until now. she refuses to sit on the loo saying adamantly that she doesnt want to go, then, sometimes 2 hours later, out it all comes, its like Niagra! I think she is holding it in and then when she finally has to get to the loo she just cant make it in time. She thinks its a bit of a joke and says in a giggly voice "oops sorry mummy", I know shes not bloody well sorry though. Hopefully it is just a phase, but I worry about infections, a few weeks ago I thought she was getting a bit smelly....her wee is so strong when it comes out too......I got her wee tested, it had a trace of protein but no infection.

bizzi · 08/11/2004 13:10

How's it going marthamoo? Is he back in control?

marthamoo · 12/11/2004 10:07

I've come back to this for a moan and there are more posts - sorry for not acknowledging them before now.

He's no better - still having to change his trousers and pants umpteen times a day. Dh did a urine test and there's no infection. I am trying to pre-empt him by asking him every hour or so if he needs a wee but he invariably says no. He says no even when he's jumping up and down because he's bursting...grrrrr. I have a sticker chart with smiley faces and he sticks on one if his pants are dry when he does a wee - and he does like the little reward of the sticker. But he doesn't much care if he doesn't get a sticker 'cos his pants are wet - he just says "oh dear! Get some dry pants Mummy," or "oh, it's only a lickle bit wet!"

Am getting really fed up with this now - but it's reassuring to know I'm not alone...thanks for posts!

OP posts:
stripey · 12/11/2004 10:13

marthamoo I've been having the same problem with ds lately and he is 4 & 2mths. I took him to the doctors to be checked the other day and he didn't have an infection. This happened about a year ago and the sticker chart did work. I have made another this week and he is very proud of his stickers. I decided to cross one out if he wet himself and he really didn't like this at all. I crossed through the whole day for a poo. I think it is having an effect don't know if it would work for you.

bizzi · 14/11/2004 09:48

That's a thought stripey but all the 'experts' do say that we should drown them in praise for getting it right, while playing down the mistakes or wrong/naughty behaviours by ignoring them ie just clearing up the 'accidents' so removing the pressure to achieve.

mm if ds is saying no when it's obvious to you that he needs a wee it seems to me like he might be trying to avoid the whole subject never mind the consequences, perhaps he feels you're nagging him, after all he is male. Could you stop asking him and just take him every couple of hours, praising him highly for just trying? Really back to basics I know but this can be effective, some say that parts of the learning process can be missed and this can cause relapses, so starting to learn again can help.
Sorry if it sounds airy fairy, it has worked for me before though.

goreousgirl · 21/11/2004 23:28

Watched a 'Little Angels' program with Dr Tanya Byron who was trying to sort out a 4 year old who wet herself. They had success with 1) buying a new loo seat with fish in it 2) a sticker chart, and some other groovy stuff that they put in the bathroom to make the girl want to visit the loo even if she didn't need a wee. I thought it sounded good. Best of luck!

Freddiecat · 22/11/2004 22:28

marthamoo - my DS is exactly the same! He jigs up and down but completely denies needing a wee. He also poos his pants 3 times a day which is wonderful.

The chocolate button thing does work but the problem is it makes me laugh when he has the absolute audacity to ask for a peice of chocolate after pooing his pants.

I did find before that if I did a wee or poo in front of him and then helped myself to a piece of chocolate this was quite effective.

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