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3 year old aggresive tantrums/hitting/throwing

4 replies

Newdad19 · 30/03/2021 21:21

Hi

We are looking for some help. We have a 3 year old (4 in May) who was always easy going and an easy baby. Since the last month or so though any time he does not get his own way he is throwing some massive tantrums - screaming at the top of his lungs, throwing himself on the floor etc. But has now started lashing out and hitting / kicking us as hard as he can.

Obviously we tolerate 0 violence and have tried a number of strategies now to deal with it but none of them seem to be quite working long term so hoping for some suggestions as we never had this problem with our now 6 year old.

It's almost as though when he doesn't get his own way he fills with anger and doesn't know how to deal with the emotions. We have tried talking to him gently / firmly / telling him its okay to be angry / ignoring it / using reward and Sticker charts and even the naughty chair. Most of which have not worked - to the point he threw the naughty chair across the room.

He knows the behaviour isn't acceptable but it feels like at this point when he is in that mood there is no stopping him.

Is it just a phase? Any help for how to stop this turning into a bigger thing that stays with him. Also note all of us at home are not angry or hot headed people and so it's not behaviour he observes as being acceptable.

Thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Newdad19 · 30/03/2021 21:22

Somehow put in wrong topic. Have requested a move

OP posts:
DawnMumsnet · 30/03/2021 21:31

Hi OP, we've moved your thread over to our Behaviour/Development topic. Hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along soon with some advice.

raising2children · 31/03/2021 11:51

Hi there. It's tough trying to understand the meaning behind the behaviour. I train a behaviour support programme and we explore how to pin point the emotion behind the behaviour and try to deal with that thus the behaviour stops.
E.g if we are angry, we will be aggressive. Helping to calm down and then build strategies (ways) to regulate our anger would be helpful.
I love the five finger breathing. with your finger trace around your hand. breathe in when moving up fingers and breathe out when moving down fingers.
validating we all get angry and then ask how to help
pretend to be a dragon and breath the angry fire out until it is all gone.
the thought that is making us angry is in a bubble, see it float away and pop in the sky
I also wrote a little on behaviour charts as there are alternatives to think about
raising2children.com/should-our-children-have-a-behaviour-chart/

Newdad19 · 31/03/2021 20:37

Thanks @raising2children appreciate you taking the time to reply

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