Toddler unhappy

[Charlotti]

Hi everyone, my 18month old is really hard work. Doesn't like eating much, is VERY angry alot of the time, he hits himself in the head and also headbutts the floor if he doesn't get his own way. He only has to hear me saying that he can't have or do something and it sets him off. He is a very bright boy and very dextrous, he has ALOT if chatter but not really saying any words. Everyone I talk to about this with just says he's frustrated because he can't communicate properly. But my gut says there is something wrong. He doesn't seem to like me very much, he doesn't like cuddles and won't accept any comforting. He has a paddy about most things, he deliberately throws his bricks at me, hits me with other objects, scratches and bites me!!! I feel so lost. He loves his daddy and is excited to see him and he kisses and cuddles him. It's impossible to brush his teeth, change his nappy or get him dressed he screams and lashes out. He us a beautiful lovely boy and I'm sad that he seems so unhappy. Health visitors say it's normal!!!! I don't accept that. It's really making me so unhappy, I cry most days. I'm an older mum 48 my other son is 26 years old now, my partner has 2 teenagers (they don't all live with us) all boys and nine of them had any of these behaviours. I'm getting to my wit's end. I love my little boy and want to help our family be happy.

Oh bless you, I’m not surprised you’re going through a tough time with this. You haven’t failed him, you’re a great mum and please don’t compare him to your other children as they’re all so unique. I really think you should see your GP to express your concerns. I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing to worry about but by saying something now you are starting the process so if further down the line you do need help then you’re already has these provisional chats especially around things like speech therapy if he does need help with that as it’s a very stretched service usually with a wait list.
I’m not sure what else to suggest about help with behaviour now but I’d definitely suggest as much outdoor time as possible. I’ve always found this to help. Even if the weathers bad just a short play in the garden. And I’d keep everything matter of fact and say what you’re going to do before you do it...we’re going to change your nappy now so we can play with your train after. And just keep going with the food even if he doesn’t eat what you’re offering. I must add I’m an older mum too with a 2 year old who cries when she wakes up about getting changed every single morning and won’t eat proper meals! Bloody yogurts, brioche and fruit!!! You’re not alone in this struggle, please be kind to yourself and get that appointment booked in to put your mind at rest xxx

I think it is one of the hardest time when our toddlers know what they want but struggle to communicate it exactly - of must be very frustrating. I have 2 toddlers and I'm 42 yrs, my oldest always would go to his dad and feels safer with him close. At first, it was devastating as I wondered what i was doing that he didn't like. My partner, would re-word and say its not about me, it's about our boy with a preference.
I read this great book about 'stress behaviours' raising2children.com/mum-of-2-book-review-on-help-your-child-deal-with-stress-and-thrive/
It explores all behavior has meaning and how we can assess the situation to see if we can alter anything e.g. routines or the environment.
My youngest likes to hit and throw stuff which was a shock because the older who is 21 months never hits. Anyway, I learnt to ask for I want to see rather than telling him what i want stopping. I assumed he knew what to di instead of the behaviour he was demonstrating.
So I might say "I love seeing you eat you dinner with your spoon" (instead of stop throwing your food at me!!) or "I know you have kind hands, show me them" (instead of "no hitting") or "I can see you are angry, how can I help" and then point to or ask what could help e.g. cuddle, teddy, or juice.
As mixmag says, each child is different so these work for me but one thing I do know... being a mum is tough and you are riding that wave with the rest of us - sending you a cuppa x

I've been reading a thread on here with talking tips it's called Late talker success I've been doing some of the suggestions ( like just using single words to name and label toys or things.) It's helped my DD gain a few words, just in a few weeks. She's around the same ages as your DS and certainly has her extremely stroppy moments when she can't get her own way. Mainly I try to distract her out of them, I imagine if she can talk more she'll be shouting demands at me too!