Struggling with 17 month old

[Hailesb19]

Hi, I’m new to this site but just really need some advice. Sorry if I ramble and this seems so silly but just need to know I’m not alone! I have a 17 month old girl, born just before lockdown so her whole life has been inside. I have no one nearby so it’s just me and my partner who works 12 hour shifts day & night. And I’m really struggling with her, as a baby I completely adored her and loved every minute with her...even with no sleep! However since this third lockdown i am really struggling on what to do with her. She has an attention span of a fish, I see posts of people that have babies the same age of her playing afternoon tea. Colouring, baking ect and my little girl will literally smear some paint on a bit of paper for 5 minutes and have a strop because she wants to stop. We go for a walk everyday and I take her on and off the swings about 15 times as she decides she doesn’t want to go on and then does. She wants to feed the ducks, then cries because she doesn’t want to feed the ducks! She’s started to walk so I let her toddle around for a bit so she’s not stuck in the pram but when it gets busy or she refuses to walk the way we need to walk she has a giant tantrum. I find it so difficult because of covid I can’t let her run off and play with children or touch things ect and I feel I’m constantly telling her no. She doesn’t understand why and then gets frustrated which leads to the strops. At home she doesn’t play really, she reads some books and runs about a bit. She’s obsessed with hey duggee and whines to have the tv all on day, which I try to avoid as know it’s not good for them. She used to love food but mealtimes is a nightmare, she hates her highchair and has a fit getting in it. I have to eat exactly what she has in the same way she has it otherwise she won’t eat hers & god forbid I have a cup of coffee as she’ll have a full on meltdown when I explain she can’t have it! Just finding this stage really hard as I just feel I can’t entertain her, I almost dread getting up in the mornings and thinking what to do with her. Even food shopping is a nightmare as she just wants to get down and run around. Screaming until I give her something to eat. That’s the only way I can distract her is to constantly fill her with baby puffs! As we can’t go to baby classes yet I’m just doing walks everyday which is even boring for me! I don’t have many mum friends and like I said before no one nearby. She’s just so whiney all day long, and it’s exhausting. I feel she saves up all her frustration for me, as she’s smiley and chatty to everyone else. With my partner she’ll play with him for hours and give him cuddles ect. With me she’s not interested in playing, I never get cuddles and she’s just a pain to be around. I hate admitting that out loud as i feel it’s not right to feel like this! Sleep wise she’s brilliant, she’s on her nap transition so sometimes having two sometimes one but night time she sleeps through. Both molars have cut so it’s not teething. But is anyone else just having a tough time? I just feel raising a baby in lockdown has been one of the hardest things ever, and when your a new mum you need that support which I never got. I just want to take her to classes to socialise with babies, have play dates ect. I feel having just me to entertain her all day is boring her...and me! I get lectured from my parents telling me I’m not doing things right, she shouldn’t be going to bed straight after dinner and should be having supper, a bedtime book and going down for 8pm. Her routine has always been dinner at 6pm bath, bottle and bed for 7.15 and that’s how we’ve always done it and she sleeps fine. The one time I let her play after dinner, then tried to give her some ‘supper’ and read her a book she didn’t sleep till 11pm! Just feel I can never do anything right and I’m doing something wrong.

Sorry if that sounds like a moaning post, but please tell me this is normal and won’t be like this forever! Just feel covid has really put a lot on peoples mental health and I hate feeling like this!

hugs I think everyone is finding it hard so you're definitely not the only one. Mine is a bit older (3 next week) but it's definitely been a challenge! Same as you virtually nobody for help and obviously no baby groups or anything. It IS draining and also boring sometimes (let's be honest)

I don't think 17 months old should have much attention span at all but trust me it DOES improve. Mine had virtually no attention span at 17MO. Now it's much better but still very varied. She might spend a good 20-30 minutes focussing on an activity or she might be the duracel bunny jumping from one thing to the next before she's even really had time to think about it. Chances are that the little darlings you've seen pictures of have only really focussed on that activity for a couple of minutes then run off and parents just managed to get a good photo (I know this from my own experience lol) Having said that, I'll tell you a couple of things that have helped build my dd's attention span. 1) Reading books literally any time she will settle enough. As a baby we would always sit together on the sofa whilst she had an am/pm snack or milk and read and this was a brilliant time to do it as she stayed still. Gradually she now often fetches books and wants to sit nicely and read spontaneously. 2) doing literally ANYTHING that involves joint attention for as long as she'll allow. If she's interested in a toy go and act like it's the most amazing thing ever and take turns to play with it and show her different ways to play with it. If she's interested then jigsaw puzzles and shape sorters etc are also fab. 3) if you have an activity like painting/playdoh out then try and leave it out so she can keep going back to it rather than expecting her to stick at it for any length of time. And 4) exercise her! Might sound counterproductive but honestly mine becomes much less focussed if she's not had a good run around the park or our garden. This is a good opportinity for you to get out and mix up your day a bit too.

Do you and your partner give each other any personal time? I think this is so important right now especially. My hubby and I are careful to try and give each other at least a few hours each weekend to do what WE want.

I wouldn't listen to your mum (no offence) She's YOUR child. Do what works for you. It sounds like you had a solid routine so stick to it if you're happy

Good luck. This WON'T be forever xx

I've got two autistic boys who also have ADHD so believe me, I get the whole no attention span. I'm not saying your daughter is ADHD or autistic, not at all. But these things are just on a scale and it's so hard to deal with. Especially with very little support, and a pandemic! I mean, argh. My advice from one mum to another. Just let go for a bit. Let her watch TV more, who cares. It honestly won't hurt her. Watch it with her, follow her lead. Tell yourself 'let it go' or 'this too shall pass' or whatever works for you. Get some headphones and listen to audiobooks while you follow her around the park and get her off the swing 15 times. OMG Mmy 2.5 yo does that too, my older child never did. PHEW. Take it easy Mama.

I have a 17 month old who's very similar! The worst is when they decide they want to walk in the opposite direction to where we are going and if I take their hand to redirect they will literally just lift up their legs up or lie down on the floor, no crying just lies there looking at me like what you gonna do now? 🙈😆

They also won't do anything like painting or play doh for more than 2 minutes before getting bored or starts eating it!

I posted a really nice 15 second video on Instagram the other day of us having a tea party, pouring out the tea and handing it to me saying "for you mummy" - it honestly looked like a perfect little play session - in reality they were over it after a few minutes and then spent time running around stacking cups and throwing saucers! So please please don't compare to what you see on SM of what look like kids playing perfectly - people only share what they want you to see!

All I can say is hang on in there! It does get better and their attention will improve! Raising babies in lockdown is so hard be kind to yourself you are doing your best and when she's playing up for you it's because she feels the most safe and secure with you.

Thank you so much to those that replied...makes you feel so much better when you know there are others out there having the same!
I look at her and feel awful as it must so confusing and frustrating for her but think she understood why I kept saying no today when she fell over and did hurt herself....she stayed firmly in the pram then!

Jannt86 - no we very rarely have time to ourselves which I know we really should! He has taken a few days off work to help me out as I admitted defeat the other day and just broke down. So it's been nice to actually have a shower or a bath when I like or just pop out for an hour on my own. He's going to talk to his work to see if he can have an extra hour in the morning just so I can get sorted for the day which would be so nice!

Hopefully we'll be able to have a semi normal life once all these vaccines are rolled out and these little ones can burn off steam at classes and with other little ones! Just hard to see an end in sight when your so exhausted! But thank you all, it really means a lot to get a reply and puts your worries away!

My 17 month old is just the same except that he is not walking yet and insists on crawling round outside which makes things even harder. He goes to a childminder 3 mornings a week which is really helpful but on days when it is just me the time drags. Now the weather is better we spend a lot of time in the garden which helps.