Anxious 9 week old baby displaying odd traits (not interested in faces , doesn’t track)

[ACMM]

Hi all. I have never used a forum like this before but I’ve come on to see if anyone has any advice or experience of this (and can tell me how it worked out). I have a 9 week old baby and I just cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong with him/his development. I’m deeply anxious that he is autistic. He won’t make eye contact with me (not even if I get up really close and chat and do lots of big smiles and baby talk). He will sometimes look vaguely in my direction but seems to be looking at my hairline or at something behind me. He is much more interested in patterns / contrasts than he is in faces whcih I find so strange (I have an older child and she was very much interested in faces at this age and I know it’s a milestone). He will coo and beam at patterns but not at us and avoids eye contact..He also doesn’t track objects. I’m Worried sick about autism. He is also a deeply unhappy baby who cries a huge amount (he has colic). His head feels v floppy to us, though the health visitor thinks it’s probably within the normal range. I’m just so worried about him. Was anyone else’s baby like this ? Did they turn out to be autistic ? I’m so upset.. we have a family friend whose son has severe autism and it has been unbelievably difficult for the family. Your experiences would be so helpful. X

He's 9 weeks old. No one on earth and certainly no health professional will tell you he's autistic yet. There is nothing at all concerning there for a newborn baby of 9 weeks op.x

Your post made me so sad because I could have written the same thing about my first baby when he was 9 weeks old. I had all the same concerns (plus a few significant extras) and became convinced he had autism. I spiralled and became unwell with postnatal anxiety so please take care of yourself. Your baby is very very young and nothing you've described is out of the range of normal. My son is now a very social, very verbal and happy 3 year old (who definitely doesn't have autism!)

Hi forever baffled. Thanks so much. It’s really reassuring to know your son is ok. Thanks so much. I am honestly heartbroken (both by the worry about the above and also the extreme difficulty of dealing with a baby who cries in excess of ten hours a day. If he’s awake he’s crying the vast vast majority of the time and our whole family are just so sad and unhappy. I am usually a really happy and upbeat person and I feel so stressed, worried and upset. In terms of your anxiety, do you mind me asking what helped you , if anything ? So sorry you had such a hard time too Xx

Oh you poor thing. I totally empathise as my son was a miserable unhappy baby for the first 4-6 months too. He also woke every 45 minutes all night so the distress for us all was compounded by the sleep deprivation. It's no wonder you are feeling out of your mind with worry. But I don't think your anxiety has any basis in reality. I mean that so kindly I promise. I think you are finding 'issues' in your son to back up your theory that he has autism and then it feels frighteningly real. Except it's not because none of things you mentioned are concerning and even if they were it doesn't mean he will end up with autism.

It might be worth checking if there is a reflux or silent reflux issue going on which is making him feel so sad too? If not it could just be that he's a grump and time will help. Once my son got more mobile (he started storming through his gross motor milestones early) he cheered up massively. He's a very chilled out and happy little boy now but I think he was frustrated by his inability to do anything. He also liked to be in constant motion so once he could move around himself it got better.

My anxiety naturally improved over time and as it became more clear that my son was meeting social and communication milestones. But I was in a very dark place before then thanks to endless googling. Please don't fall into that trap. You can type anything into Google and autism will come up. It's a vicious trap when you are very vulnerable anyway.

Be kind to yourself. Your baby is very young and they are all so different at this stage. He will get there x

As a mum to two autistic boys, it's nothing to be scared of. And you cannot possibly know at this stage. Autism is a very complex neurological difference. It is not one thing, every autistic person is different. And the way a family handles it has an impact on the day to day and the outcome. Just enjoy your baby, don't worry about development too much. Play, read to baby, and things will be fine.

Hi sapphire 777, thanks very much. I don’t mean any offence at all and know that lots of autistic children and their families are very happy.
I just don’t think I could cope with it, for various reasons , and our family friend’s son is at the very severe end of the spectrum which been a huge struggle for them all and has made me fearful of it. Do you mind me asking if you knew they were autistic at a very young age ? And if so what the flags were? And if you think you can tell v young ? I think my son is also just so so so miserable that I worry he (and us a family) will always be miserable. He cries for in excess of ten hours a day and we are all just experiencing despair (even our toddler is sad as she’s kept awake by the screaming and is exhausted. Our son also takes so much effort to placate that she feels a bit neglected despite our best efforts. Do you think the things I’ve described sound like my son is autistic ?

OP, 9 weeks is far far too young to be thinking about autism. You say he cries a lot, how is he feeding? Does he has reflux? Think he could possibly have CMPA?

I think you need to look at those things rather than autism IMO.

I'm not special, I used to think autism was the worst thing in the world. My kids can't attend school due to the severe anxiety they struggle with as a part of their autism. I don't use terms like severe or mild because it ignores the strengths or challenges an autistic person faces - they are called functioning labels and lots of professional are moving away from them.

Both of my kids were very distressed as babies, particularly my oldest. But it was predominantly severe reflux causing inflammation and related food allergies, dairy, soy, wheat and food chemicals. I would be investigating that area if he is crying for ten hours a day. Also sometimes babies have some tension from birth, even from C-section and being in utero and can benefit from paediatric osteo to release tight muscles, the same way we do as adults. Also if you are breastfeeding, and baby has issues latching, tongue tie can also contribute to the issues you're facing.

In answer to your question about red flags. There are none at 9 weeks old. Every person on this planet has some autistic behaviours, because it's a spectrum but it's not a continuum which is a straight line, it's more like a sphere - see this picture intheloopaboutneurodiversity.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/what-does-the-autism-spectrum-look-like.png?w=640

So yes, some of those behaviours can be autism, but they are EQUALLY present in a child who is distressed because of pain. Reflux can vary in severity, my eldest had very very bad reflux and used to scream 12+ hours a day. It's VERY hard. Isolating. But see your GP and hopefully they can help.

Best wishes to you!

@Vicky1989x

OP, 9 weeks is far far too young to be thinking about autism. You say he cries a lot, how is he feeding? Does he has reflux? Think he could possibly have CMPA?

I think you need to look at those things rather than autism IMO.

agreed

I have an autistic child. Diagnosed at 4, referred at 2. At 9 weeks there were no signs of autism. He met all developmental milestones, smiled early etc. Your baby is far too young to be able to tell, but I would recommend speaking to your health visitor or doctor to get some help and advice, to help with working out what might be causing the lack of sleep etc. Remember, they all sleep through eventually. x

Hi OP,we are going through the exact same thing with my 10 week old DS. He looks around but doesn't track objects .He hasn't smiled socially yet.The GP thinks it may be something to do with his vision and we have been referred to the opthamologist...still waiting for the appointment.I am so anxious and have been feeling just like how you have described..worried that we will never be a happy family ,worried that my DD will not get enough attention from us.
I really need some assurance.
Could you please share any update on your DS?

Hi novicemumof2. So I was worrying over nothing. My son is 6 months old and is a happy, smiley, gorgeous boy hitting all milestones and I have found my feet with it all. Looking back, I was suffering from quite bad anxiety (which forever baffled picked up on), I got some help (cbt). That, and the passage of time which meant my son just did the stuff he was “supposed to”, had meant I am in a very different place. He has done lots of things later than the predicted timescale , some earlier , and is a very alert, sociable and bright seeming baby now. Out of interest, did you son have colic/bad wind? Apparently this can affect ability to track but in my son’s case, he just needed a few extra weeks. And now he is very inquisitive and bright as a button. Wishing you all the best xx