So... has anyone got any fabulous ways of helping a 3.5 yo calm down and stop flipping screaming?

[funnypeculiar]

I know he's going to do this, but lord, I swear he's worse than he was at 2. Just totally loses it over little things & he just cannot calm himself down. He just shouted at us for about 20 mins this morning for no reason

Does anyone have anything that helps? I try & do 'dragon breaths' with him (we blow a peice of paper to try & make sparks, but obviously, he needs to be ready to calm down for that to work.

Completely ignore him but make it known that when he's calm he can join in with whatever you're doing again. DD has just turned 3 and can be a right drama queen, if she has a tantrum I try my best to completely ignore it. Leave the romm and pretend to be happily occupied elsewhere or just turn and chat to dh, which obviously makes her more angry and it escalates a bit, then she has to calm down - she has no one to argue with and no audience for her fabulous performance so cuts her losses and behaves normally again.

It is awful and when in public, but every mother out there will sympathise having been through it herself.

Good luck.

Id put him out of my earshot. In his room or simply in another room.

Drown out any further screams with radio or tv.

If it is little things, then he just needs to get a grip! I bet he is doing it to get a reaction from you?

PS. It requires nerves of STEEL and a very thick skin to pull it off some days!

Hi fp,

No particular advice but just wanted to emphasise. 3.1 is def worse now than when he was 2, unbelievable strops when things don't go his way, and he LOVES the naughty step, what can you do?

Yes, I do the ignoring thing - "I can't hear you until you stop talk properly', and if he can't calm down he goes into the bathroom. The last two days he's sobbed in there until he's sick.

Thank the lord he only does it at home - so far

Maybe I need to just be totally ruthless & just ignore completely for a few days. I think I'm conscious that some of it is over-tiredness (he's at preschool 5 sessions a week) - so maybe I'm not being as tough as I feel I am

I'm with the nerves of steel.
Particularly in Superdrug last week when he's lying on the floor, screaming and kicking his heels dangerously near a pantyliner display......
I just joined the queue and pretended he wasn't mine. Worked a treat.
But I do panic a bit inside if I think he's going to make himself sick and move on to distraction if we get that far. a really sudden gasp of astonishment usually pulls him up, but you've got to put your back in it. He doesn't fall for a half hearted "look over there"...
That or just stay at home till they're 15 and you can embarrass them just by being there!

This type of behaviour just annoys me, i dont ever feel sorry for the child, just irritated. Once my dd1 was sick from crying/screaming and i just got crosser.

She didnt do it again, it was unpleasant for her and got no reaction from me other than annoyance.

pepperrabbit - you totally rule
And thank you annieandclarabel - good to know it's not just me

Set the their expectations while at home. I mean if they are used to a reaction at home they will try to get one when out and about. If ignored consistently at home they may not bother trying when out.

Mine have had the odd one or two when weve been out and ive just walked away.
Once, i threatened dd1 several times with locking her in the car while i finished the shopping. She kept on, so i had to follow up the threat.
I locked her in, screaming her head off and waltzed off into somerfield. I hated it, every second, what if she got out, what if someone saw her and reported it. Needless to say i bought one thing and came straight out.

She was fine and she learnt not to push me again. Still does it now and again but not so hard.

Watch this too,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWy9xjijaKE

Oh, can I join in? Feel I have a lot of experience with this (sigh). Not that I have much advice... Main thing I do is ignore her, tell her if she wants to scream please could she go somewhere I can't hear her, put her in the hall if it gets too much or tell her that when she calms down we'll talk about it. Like someone else said, it is usually tiredness. My DD is now 4 but I have still spent the whole afternoon keeping a tantrum at bay as I knew there was one lurking. I have to say I can get cross with her too as it used to happen so often, I just couldn't feel sorry for her. Fortunately, her behaviour improved when she was about 3.8 and it happens less now.

I find throwing a glass of cold water in their face helps...

haycee - it's home where it's a problem for me - he's never played up when out! Have to say, I wouldn't be prepared to lock ds in a car while I wasn't there.
And bluecornflower, I am getting the ignore mesage load & strong....

shitemum - my granny recommends dropping a jar of jam when kids have a tantrum. Sure it works, but suspect I'd end up with a sticky kitchen!

It was an extreme step and id never do it again. But i threatened her with it and she kept on so i had to.

My DD1, now 4yo, watches herself in the mirror when she's revving up for a tantrum. I think she's trying to copy the way her friends do it!

LOL ohh my DS2 is a screamer too. and ditto the mirror thing!
I have resorted to shocking him with (loud) exclamation of OHHH! just look at that purple pig flying across our garden - he is so gullible that he stops mid-squawk which then gives me time to laugh at / distract him

Oh great, shitemum - more to look forwards to

i find making my voice proportionately quieter as dd gets louder often works surprisingly well. that and a serene exterior (hah! well that's the theory) - don't show it's having any effect.

yes, that works for me sometimes, puppydavies
there isn't a magic wand is there

if anyone finds that there is a magic wand i'll order three please

Hmmm.

I remember having tantrums aged 7ish and being sent to my room to calm down and sobbing and screaming for ages and being ignored. It seemed very unfair because no-one had ever listened to what I had to say in the first place. Most of the screaming and sobbing was as the unjustness of being ignored.

I do the ignoring thing too but I make sure that the DCs have had a chance to tell me what they are upset about first as that in itself can help alot.

Message withdrawn

my dd who is 2yrs 10 months is in her bedroom screaming at the moment so I'm on mumsnet trying to ignore her and finding this thread very reassuring!

Aha, yes pruners - good idea - I'd forgotten all about that one, & I agree it totally does work

Oh, and he spelt 13.5 hours straight last night, & guess what - charming behaviour today!

Don't think there is a simple or one solution for this. And when you have one they adapt quickly to bypass it

My techniques.

1. At home: They cry, I smile and try and stop it without giving in.
2. they carry on I get a little cross, sterner voice
3. they carry on I may leave them in the room, walk out and come back a few minutes later.
4. They still carrying on? Then I start with the very cross loud voice. and tell off and threaten sanctions.
5. I don't know gulp, probably try 1 again.

But basically I never give in to a tantrum, so DS learnt not really very effective.

Outside:

1. same
2. same

2b. Tell off sternly. Threat of 3.

1. Right we are going home. Picked up and took to car. Good telling off there.
2. Go home to deal with.

If it was a bad tantrum, then I might hit with another sanction, like stopping something. Smaller ones, then a talk, hug after it to explain that it was wrong, I am sad, and promise not to do it again.

In general this technique for me, so far, has resulted in hardly any heavy tantrum levels : touch wood. But all choldren are different. If there was a one fit all answer we'd all be using that Maybe consistency, not giving in and show you still love them ? Maybe