ASD acceptance

[Justbecause88]

Hello, I have an 18 month old son who it’s rapidly dawning on me is probably Autistic. He babbles but has no words, rarely waves, claps or points. Never points to anything to draw attention. Has started using my hand to do things but doesn’t give me any eye contact or interaction with it. He also lies on the floor a lot and pushes cars/trains basically any vehicle around. It only flagged up a few weeks ago but I’ve been absolutely obsessed with reading everything. It’s totally taking over my life to be honest. He has been referred for a hearing test and then the HV said she would take it from there. I am doing absolutely loads at home with him but I need some advice on how to relax about this. I’m type A personality so not great at dealing with things out of my control etc.

Can I ask if you have seen any other professionals? My son was similar at 16 - 18 months (now nearly 20 months) and I was also worried for him but he has come along quite far in the past few months. I saw a speech therapist who was happy with his progress and told me he would not be diagnosed at 18 months anyway. Now I can why as quite a lot has changed quickly.

Hi @HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel thanks for your reply, no I haven’t seen anyone yet. I’ve contacted a private speech therapist to look at getting him in. It’s reassuring to hear your son has made some good progress though and was similar. I think I’m just trying to be realistic that although some kids do make good progress lots go on to not.

It sounds as though you are doing what you can, he's having a hearing test and you've booked some SLT sessions. Right now I think you just need to try and keep reassuring yourself that you are doing everything you can and you need to spend time enjoying him now

Hi op,

You are doing the right thing but please don't stress out. I've stressed out for many months and things started to unravel after 18 months for my DS. He is 2 in a couple of months and is doing everything that I was worrying about between 14-19 months. My DS has changed so much and I can't believe how far we have come. We had no words until last month and now we have 40 clear words used in correct context. It's just so amazing where he suddenly starting doing these and just clicked. I'm 100% certain he isn't. My only advice is keep talking to him, pointing at things and teaching him. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall with no progress for months.

Please don't stress, you are doing the right thing by speaking to professionals but also there are many people on this forum who have had worries but things turned out the opposite when their toddlers just suddenly clicked and met their milestones but on the later side. Either way, you are doing the right thing to get the ball rolling so he could get the support early on if he is and if he isn't, you will come back to this forum sharing your experience with other worried parents like me.

Please enjoy him in the meantime this is something I regret not doing as I have wasted nearly 6 months stressing myself where I lost appetite and sleep and was over thinking where I could have just enjoyed him this is 6 months where I can't take back time to go back and re do it, believe me I would do anything to go back to month 14 and just to hold him and cuddle him more and speak to him.

All the best x

Btw, when I mean I wish I enjoyed my son is I meant that during those months, I was watching him like a hawk. Anything he did I was constantly googling where I got knots in my stomach. My DS started hand flapping at 15 months for a few weeks, these weeks I was just crying and then the hand flapping stopped. He hasn't hand flapped since turning 16 months so he hasn't hand flapped for 6 months now. He then got into spinning wheels, then this also made me worry but now he only spins wheels a few times if he sees his push chair folded or something and isn't fixated on it. I was literally watching every move he made and googling it. I just wish I could go back and say to myself just enjoy him. If he is, it isn't the end of the world and we will get the best help for him and he is still our child and if he isn't, he is storing all these skills to use later. My son is 22 months and still doesn't wave properly as he has been literally locked up for a year without a social life and no kids around his age. He just doesn't like greeting or saying bye to people and is very shy and doesn't feel like doing it. He will do it to his dad or me and blow kiss but all of this progressed after 19 months. He likes clapping and was clapping since 11 months but then suddenly stopped at 14 months which then again gave me sleepless nights and the clapping came back at 18 months. It was occasions like this which made me use google and then cry. Please please enjoy him and don't stress out because your DS would pick up on it as well.

@dreadfuldays thank you so much for your reply, I’m am exactly where you were a few months ago. Watching him constantly and googling every little thing he does like it’s going to give me some confirmation either way. I’ve gone through friends social media accounts to see if they have videos of their little ones around the same age to compare him to. Even though he goes to childcare a few days a week I have hardly seen him around other kids so no visual benchmarks. I’m going to take your advice though and try and just relax, all the desperate searching doesn’t change the outcome, and it’s reached the stage now where I’m not finding anything new. It’s a lonely place to be isn’t it, no one around you can quite understand

@Justbecause88 and @dreadfuldays this was also me at around 16 - 18 months, googling every little thing that my son did. I totally understand why you are doing it, I was (and still am often) the same. I am now seeing leaps and bounds in development. He is still behind but I am less worried.

Good on you for intervening early. You are doing the right thing!

Has childcare raised any concerns? they are in a very advantageous position to watch him and compare him to peers. How does he score in the MCHAT? I guess the not pointing would make him fail but could still be useful to see how he is doing in other areas.

@dreadfuldays

Btw, when I mean I wish I enjoyed my son is I meant that during those months, I was watching him like a hawk. Anything he did I was constantly googling where I got knots in my stomach. My DS started hand flapping at 15 months for a few weeks, these weeks I was just crying and then the hand flapping stopped. He hasn't hand flapped since turning 16 months so he hasn't hand flapped for 6 months now. He then got into spinning wheels, then this also made me worry but now he only spins wheels a few times if he sees his push chair folded or something and isn't fixated on it. I was literally watching every move he made and googling it. I just wish I could go back and say to myself just enjoy him. If he is, it isn't the end of the world and we will get the best help for him and he is still our child and if he isn't, he is storing all these skills to use later. My son is 22 months and still doesn't wave properly as he has been literally locked up for a year without a social life and no kids around his age. He just doesn't like greeting or saying bye to people and is very shy and doesn't feel like doing it. He will do it to his dad or me and blow kiss but all of this progressed after 19 months. He likes clapping and was clapping since 11 months but then suddenly stopped at 14 months which then again gave me sleepless nights and the clapping came back at 18 months. It was occasions like this which made me use google and then cry. Please please enjoy him and don't stress out because your DS would pick up on it as well.

You sound like me.. I'm watching my LO like a hawk too and some days I Google myself sick!!..

@Justbecause88 Hi, I'm just writing to see how your LO is doing now a few months on. I'm in a similar boat with my DS x

This, until very recently, was absolutely me all over. My son is older than yours now, and I've still got concerns (which you shouldn't take as any indicator for you and your son by the way!) but I'm reading this really good book - An Early Start for Your Child With Autism. It's about the Early Start Denver Model approach to behaviour therapy and I'm finding I'm making little bits of progress already with him in a few areas.

This is a type of ABA therapy (which some consider controversial), but in practice I'm simply getting on the floor with my son, playing games that he likes but in a way that encourages turn taking and engagement (the basis for language), and he certainly gets to stop and move on to something else whenever he wants. However, even with my amateurish attempts I have noticed an improvement in his ability to follow instructions, imitate (a little), point with his index finger, and concentrate on some activities in a fairly short space of time.

The book says autism on it, but the play ideas in there are so good that I can't see how they wouldn't benefit literally any kid with or without additional needs - they focus on maximising the learning opportunities in each moment you're playing with him. You (hopefully, and I mean that in the best possible way!) are worrying about something that turns out to be nothing, but I really found that DOING SOMETHING about it makes you stop googling every tiny thing you notice, losing sleep, etc etc which I can totally empathise with.

Hi @Katewillows1 ! My son is 23 months now, still no consistent words. He uses gestures a little but not loads. We did find out in May he has glue ear but the doc wasn't overly concerned and we will go back in a few months for another test. I would be surprised if he still has it as I think he can hear fine now. I was expected him to catch up quickly but no luck. The HV did a referral for SALT but it's been rejected which is disappointing. So at the moment I'm none the wiser and no progress. I will say though that I'm a lot more chilled out about it. I've come to the conclusion that worrying won't change the outcome and I love him the same regardless. I do still have my anxious moments though!!

Hi @Justbecause88

I’m in a similar position. Contacted my HV at 18months as my DD wasn’t responding to her name & barely knew (or cared) whether I was in the room or not. She appeared to be stimming and wasn’t showing any signs of meeting the social/emotional milestones. She’s now approaching 23 months, still has no words but is more vocal than previous months. She’s also engaging more with us and her interaction and awareness of her surroundings have come on leaps and bounds. She’s always been fixated on books and rhymes and I’ve found this is a great way to interact with her. I had an appointment with SALT this week and there was literally nothing that I wasn’t doing already. It seems I just need to keep going with the strategies and be more patient. My greatest challenge is trying to get her attention. I’m hoping once her language comprehension improves she’ll be a little better at responding to language. We’ve also seen a paediatric nurse who told me to work on interacting as much as possible. Hang in there.