Please give me some advice about my niece, please.

[manshdgfbv]

Hi,

I have namechanged for this.

I have been helping out my sister in law with her childcare and i look after her dd (15 months) quite often, I dont mind as I dont work as i am a sahm.
Basically my niece is a nightmare and has been since the day she was born, i feel awful writing this but I do think she might have something wrong with her or some behavioural problems, she throws the worst tantrums I have ever seen and she doesnt talk at all just points and screams at things she wants. She throws herself about bangs her head and bites things until she makes her mouth bleed. She basically is very very demanding and so much hard work. I am a very patient person but I do find her hard to look after. She never seems happy if shes not screaming shes constantly whining. I want to say something to my sil but I think how i'd feel if someone was telling me these things.

Please dont slate me I am genuinly concerned about this child, I just may not have worded everything best I could.

some kids are just a pain in the arse

but best check medical thigns - instead of some innocous "my child is demanding" i would ask for specific things to be tested.

amongth other idea of what might be wrong from other mumsnetter who will shortly contribute nodoubt - my first reaction is - is she deaf? my daughter was dpartially deaf - har to diagnose this partial deafness - becuase it is to do with tones and pitches - so in a quiet room with a nurse ringing a bell - she would hear it - but with telly on two brothers and me askign her something - not so easy. and she was the devil child from hell

shes loverly now - i adore her

thanks for the reply, she's definatly not deaf because if you shout her she will turn around. I really cant explain it in words, other people have noticed too, in fact everyone except her mum and dad.

Would it just be bad behavior? She's only 15 months but my nephew was like that and he didn't settle until he went to school, he did get a lot of mixed signals from people like his mother let him away with everything his dad was very strict but never backed up by his mother and then his grandmother spoilt him rotten giving him everything he wanted and demanded. He was also living in a very unstable enviorment and his parents are seperated now.
He turned into a very frustrated and angry child and when he started school there were a lot of problems but he did settle down.

Are there times when she acts more calmly and is more compliant?

Do you notice triggers for her tantrums? Has a different approach ever worked?

15 months is very young and tantrums of the type you describe could be normal for her age.

Do you have children of your own or other children with whom to compare her?

she is too young to worry about her lack of speech I should think, my youngest 3 all spoke much later than that. yes she will be very frustrated if she can't express herself in a postive way. If she is used to having 2 parents who cater for her every whim then this could result in the kind of behaviour she is diplaying.

Sounds live very hard work!

It could be just bad behaviour, but she has been like it since she was born.
I know shes only 15 months and she's a poor defensless baby thats why I feel so bad but deep down I just think there is something wrong

I have 2 children of my own and have lots of neice/nephews/friends children and i have never she a child tantrum the way she does.

If she were mine I suppose I'd cart her off to a cranial osteopath and see what they say - I wonder if she has headaches & stuff which would make her behave so awfully and from birth too. Does she sleep okay at nught

Could there be anyhting that is hurting her. Food Intolerances can lead to children having constant stomach pains. I am not saying it is that but are there any pyshical symptoms of any thing else. Does she only bang one side of her head, that sort of thing. You must have a lot of patience to be so calm about this.

she has just started sleeping through the night now, but still doent sleep well everynight.

'Bad behavior' I've read back I didn't mean it to sound like that, I just meant maybe she doesn't know any other way to carry on iykwim.

Thanks for all your messages, some good points. Im just off on the school run so will be back later.

Is she teething? That can lead to biting and gums bleeding (and make even the nicest toddler behave like a monster) (and turn an already demanding child into... I don't know what!)

I agree with cargirl, a visit to a cranial oesteopath could pinpoint any problem areas. Although my dd still isn't a great sleeper, she is a lot, lot better since we took her to one and happier generally. She diagnosed a problem with her ear and stiffness in her back and neck. You could use the sleeping as an excuse to suggest it.

I too would ignore the speech thing yet, it's very early to look at that as a pointer.

But as others have said I would try to eliminate the possibility of any pain. Both my niece and nephew were very hard work babies until they were both diagnosed with dairy intolerances - they are literally like different children. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it but they must have been in so much pain with their tummies. How often do you have her? Perhaps you can suggest to SIL that there's no harm getting her checked over as you worry she's in pain? If this is their only child and they've never known any different from her then this WILL appear "normal" to them as they have no frame of reference. But I would suggest it from a health aspect rather than a behavioural one as that is bound to inflame anyone about their child.

My dd1 has always been hard work and ive struggled through it

I didnt know such things as cranial osteopaths etc existed.
It has been suggested that maybe she is adhd, but ive kind of just struggled on.

She is definitely sensitive to artificial sweetners though.
I had a spell of night terrors with her which frightened me to death, spoke to the hv and she said straight away cut out artificial sweeteners, i did and hey presto! Problem solved, also made her calmer behaviour wise too, possibly because she was sleeping better and the combination of less crap running through her system.

Might be worth a try, at least?

Both my dd's have lactose intolerance. Cranial oeatopathy turning dd2 from the most awful clingy, screaming never sleeping monster into the little angel she is now.