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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

baby whisperer....any good?

21 replies

soxy · 07/11/2007 14:09

Hi,

We have 10 day old girl and would like to start thinking about implementing some sort of routine at some point, and was wondering if this book (or any others?) can be recommended?

What sort of age is good to start something and also when is the general age when is recommended to move them from moses basket to cot?

Thanks for any advice anyone can give!

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ShhHesSleeping · 07/11/2007 14:59

My DS started off falling into a roughly 3 hour routine which is basically what the baby whisper suggests (Eat, stay awake for a while, sleep) but after a few weeks the pattern became much more like the routines auntie Gina outlines. Personally I thought her contended little baby book was most useful - so long as you use your oommon sense and don't get obsessed with the exact timings of things. Treat it as suggesting a rough outline for the day but adapt it to your baby and your life. SOunds obvious but some people do think you literally have to follow it minute by minute and taht would have driven us all nuts.

The baby whisperer really got on my nerves after a bit but I think there's some good advice in there somewhere. I had both books, took suggestions from both and ignored other bits and that seemed to work pretty well for us. Good luck!

bertieboo · 07/11/2007 15:09

Hi soxy, congratulations on your DD. A book i found really good was by Rachel Waddilove called The Baby Book: How to enjoy year one
It has a flexible routine which i found my dd fell into naturally.
I would add that any kind of routine before 3 months is almost impossible to implement and you will make your life much easier if you go with the flow until then. Just enjoy your baby otherwise you will stress yourself out with the idea of routine - well thats my view anyway, i am sure you will have lots of people telling you differently.
Good luck with your DD x

OverMyDeadBody · 07/11/2007 15:15

Hi soxy,

Your daughter will start falling into a routine, so you are unlikely to need to 'implement' one. Let her sleep when she's tired, feed her when she's hungry, and change her when she's dirty.

By all means read some of the books out there, but read them once, then put them away. Otherwise it is easy to get stressed and worried about whether you are doing it right. Follow your instincts, they are usually right, and pick and choose bits you like from these books, while ignoring the bits you don't like. Makes for much less stressful parenting

MrsBadger · 07/11/2007 15:24

well I read it and thought it was great
then dd was born and she had other ideas...
and now at 12wks she has fallen into a rough pattern of her own, with me doing little or nothing to 'implement' anything.
tis great
and her flexibilty means I have it a lot easier than the 'oh I must dash home so she can have a 3pm nap in her own cot with the blinds drawn' types.

CoteDAzur · 08/11/2007 17:57

If you have time to read a book at 10 days post-partum, you should WRITE a book

I thought Baby Whisperer was pretty good, by the way. It gives an idea of what a day with the baby is like (vaguely), and even what sort of cries mean what. I found it helpful.

ScottishMummy · 08/11/2007 18:11

honestly ditch the books follow your natural parental instincts -learn to trust yourself, not some self appointed pseudo-guru-with-a-book-to-sell-(and most probably)axe-to-grind. you are expert about your own baby

blueshoes · 08/11/2007 18:16

Did not work for dd. It is particularly difficult to implement for bf babies whom like to fall asleep at the breast. BTW, her advice on bf-ing is dodgy. Mn is much better if you have issues in this area.

As with all parenting books, the whisperer will work for some and not for other babies. Feel free to adopt whatever applies for your baby, but it is not gospel. Especially dislike her labelling of parents who do not follow her routine as "accidental parents".

NoviceKnitter · 08/11/2007 18:23

I read Baby Whisperer and the Rachel Waddilove book when pg and thought they were helpful, then DD was born and fed more or less every hour for at least half an hour for the first two months of life! (Not so bad at night.) She would also stay awake all day one day and sleep loads the next. She is now 4 months and has settled into her own routine that is not a million miles away from the ones in the books (except that she won't go down for daytime naps - has to be driven or walked in sling or bounced on ball)

I'm glad I read them because I think they helped me spot DD's own pattern once it emerged. But I'm also glad that I ignored them ie didn't try to implement them. DD told me what she needed when she was ready.

I recently bought the William and Martha Sears book The Baby Book which I think is excellent and helped me feel relaxed and very happy about the approach we've ended up taking (which is going with the flow and trying to tune into what DD shows she needs rather than trying to train her into a routine she's not ready for. They also favour babywearing and co-sleeping which is what we've ended up doing because it's what's turned out to work)

LadyOfTheFlowers · 08/11/2007 18:30

i chose parts that suited me from many different books.
form baby whisperer i found how to identify the different crying useful, but you soon learn it for yourself. it was handy to show dh who still can see no difference. (kids aged 1 & 2)

BlueberryPancake · 08/11/2007 18:31

I did read the book but routine didn't really work for us at all. I found it helpful though for 'communication' tips with DS1. My tip for a 'routine' is to remember at what time your baby woke up, and at what time she was tired again. At 10 days old it should be after about 1.5 hours, more or less. So you can time that she will be tired about 1.5 hours after waking up. Then when she is a bit older, you can move that to two hours. DS2 who is 6 months old is tired 2.5 hours after waking up. As I know when he will be tired, I just put him down in his cot and he falls asleep by himself. And I feed him when he is hungry. It's just one tip, it worked for me but I'm not sure where I read it! Enjoy!

NoviceKnitter · 08/11/2007 18:44

Yes, that's us too, but only since about 14 weeks, dd gets tired after 1.5 - 2 hrs being awake. she tends to have a couple of half hour naps then a longer nap on my lap in the afternoon. she's always ready to go to sleep 1.5 hours after her last nap. but it's by no means an exact science...

lairyfairy · 08/11/2007 19:17

With dd1 I tried to do everything properly, read too much and never trusted my instincts. DD2 I had no time to care and she fel into much better patterns. Trust yourself you are the best expert there is.

ScottishMummy · 09/11/2007 12:57

lairyfairy - O yes that was me too, anxious newbie book in hand worrying because i could not keep to the schedule, so much so wee one crying after a feed and i searching fpr the fecking book to see what to do 2-3 weeks of o what does the book say that was when i eventually gave myself permission to raise my baby my way trusting my instincts..no more books have noit looked back either. now the only books i read are fiction and magazine

TheAccidentalParent · 10/11/2007 20:57

I found the books made everything worse, they made me have expectations of what my baby should be like, and then when DD wasn't like that I felt disappointed.

I did not find the techniques suggested by the Baby Whisper helpful. But, then they probably do suit some babies.

shreddies · 10/11/2007 21:00

I agree with TheAP. The most stressful two days in the ten months since DS was born were the two days that I tried to follow the BW. No need for any real routine until babies are 6 months old and on solids IMO. We had a rough routine before then, but DS ate when he liked and fell asleep when he liked and was very easy

yogimum · 10/11/2007 21:03

As dh pointed out, if only the babies had read the book"

chocolateshoes · 10/11/2007 21:04

I found the Baby whisperer useful especially the idea of recognising what sort of cry. But actually used Gina Ford's book and it worked brilliantly for DS. A lot of people will say follow your instincts but tbh I didn't really have any gut instincts and found that her book helped take a lot of the guess work out of it all. But I do think that there is no right or wrong answer - you have to do what works best for you and your family - so if you've got the energy with a 10 day old baby then have a read around but try not to worry.

Congatulations!

ps moved Ds out of moses basket when he was 5 mths and getting too long for it!

MaeWest · 10/11/2007 21:06

OK, I shouldn't be on this thread as I didn't read the book, familiar with the techniques from MN, BUT...

PLEASE don't stress too much about a routine, in fact just enjoy the flexibility of this time when you don't have to plan things. I spent a lot of time going out and meeting up with friends with babies in the first 6 months, didn't have to worry about being out at the 'wrong' time.

Now DS is 15 months he likes his meals at v specific times (takes after his mum) and does benefit from taking a nap in his cot in the afternoon. However, he will still nap in the buggy if we're out as I don't always want to be tied to the house.

Enjoy your baby

shreddies · 10/11/2007 21:08

Actually, I should have said I did find the section on different cries quite useful too.

BitTiredNow · 10/11/2007 21:42

I found her to be very supportive to mums, and I thought her routines were very flexible. I have used the eat, activity, sleep routine with great success with all of them, and found it to work well with the second and third, who have to fit in with nursery runs etc. As for moving form basket to cot, I think it is nice to keep them snug in the first few weeks, a they are used to being all curled up inside you, and when they seem cramped, rather than cosy, then move them. Do try and enjoy these first few weeks - I was so worried about doing it all properly I forgot that dc1 hadn't done it before either, and I made myself ill with worry. Cuddle and love him as much as you can and be kind to yourself too.

lazyemma · 11/11/2007 16:10

I think it contains a lot of good advice that you can cherry-pick - I didn't follow the routines or anything, but things like how to spot the difference between, eg, hunger and wind and overtiredness helped me through the first weeks. If I have a second baby, I'll be more confident in my own abilities, but I didn't know anything about babies when I had B, and I think maternal instinct is largely bollocks, or at least it was in my case. I didn't have some calm inner voice telling me what to do and how to do it. So I appreciated any input at all, be it from friends, family, books, the internet etc.

Also, when my daughter was four months old and I wanted her to be able to fall asleep on her own (because she was getting heavy, and rocking and jiggling her to sleep every night was knackering my back) I found pick-up/put-down and pat/shush absolute godsends, much more humane than controlled crying or any of those other methods.

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