Is this normal behaviour for a 17Months old?

[ifeelsoooguilty]

Hi all

I wonder if I can have some of your wonderful advice here, just to put my mind at rest.

ds is 17 months old and is a very active happy soul.
He will play with trains, cars, bricks for hours and loves being read books. He prefers adult interaction though, he's very clingy with mum but will play with other adults and older children after a while, especially the older children.

However, I have noticed that he won't join in any activity with other children the same age! I can see that the other kids his age try to get his attention, but he's not interested, he will keep playing on his own and do his own thing and gets very upset if other children grab the toys he prefers.

If this happens, he will actually throw a tantrum (but isn't he too young to throw tantrums????) , by lying on the floor screaming and kicking until I pick him up and caddle him. He then becomes very happy again if he manages to get the toy back.
Ignoring him gets the same result, he will recompose himself and keep playing with other toys.

Is this a normal behaviour and should he be playing with the others?

Sounds normal to me. I think most children play alongside each other until they are avout 2-2.5. Try not to worry!

Also think that's perfectly normal. Every kid develops at a different rate, but as blossomhill mentioned interactive play usually starts at around 2 yo. However, my dd was an earlybird in that respect... she was the one seeking attention from others as soon as she could walk and todder over. Might be though because she's been with a childminder from age 5 months and had older 'siblings' there.

So nothing to worry about! He'll play with others soon enough

Absolutely normal.

thanks for the replies,
I had read somewhere that this was normal behaviour, however all the the other kids his same age we see, seem to be more sociable with each other.
Also, we went to one of this play classes for toddlers in his age group, and while everybody else was joining in and doing pretty much what everybody else was doing, he just kept running around the room going from pillar to post and playing with whatever he fancied, without playing any attention to the songs and activities that everybody else was following and enjoying!

Should the 2 years mark be for everybody, or nearly anybody - MrsBigD your daughter should be the ecception rather than the norm?

totally normal. I got really hung up about my son who was also really into trains in a big way (still is). He wasn't that interested in other kids at all. Now at 2 and a half, he's desperate to have someone to play with all the time. He just has a new baby brother, which I am so pleased about, the biggest gift I could give him to be honest! don't worry, they suddenly click how much fun it is and their off. don't compare with other kids, i did and it drove me nuts. totally pointless.

sounds normal to me - especially the bit about wanting toys back. DS (nearly 2) has learnt to say "share it" but what he means is "Remember that it's good manners for you to share your toy with me. However, if you think I'm going to share my toy with you you have another thing coming!"

ifeelsoooguilty - my ds (2) is exactly the same. He is very focused when playing and quite frankly, the other kids seem to spoil his imaginative play and get on his nerves lol
I wouldn't worry. Certainly, ppl have assured me that they are all different and some kids just don't need to be sociable to be happy. I still have trouble getting ds to join in things but I persevere and he is getting more used to it. 17 months isn't too young for tantrums either but maybe your ds is like mine and it is just frustration at not being left in peace?

ifsg, my dd's 2 and has only just started showing a very slight inclination to 'play' with other kids her age. She's very like you describe your ds in that she loves adult company (if I meet a friend with a same age child she will ignore the child and talk non-stop to my friend ). My dd is also upset (though doesn't tantrum so much as pull her bottom lip weepy face and whimper) when another child interrupts her play which is usually 'imaginative' including her talking to her toys a lot (I used to worry she preferred toy people to real people). There's a very sweet little girl who's 13 months in the playground who is desperate to play with dd but dd runs in terror from this girl whenever she approaches. What's changed lately is that she's become interested in the other small children, she talks to me about them and remembers things they did. I think in another few months she might begin to be interested in playing with them, at least I hope so!

it is normal, my dd is 20 months and has only in the last month really played and noticed other children including some she has 'played with' since 16 months! She is more interested in older children though!

DS2 didn't really play with other children at that age- although he would copy what they were doing and would play alongside them. I noticed that he would watch them and then do the same.

DS1 (autistic) would actively blank other children at 17 months (first time I suspected autism). If another child approached him to give him something for example he would completely ignore them (and I mean completely) and not take the thing they were holding out to them. Otherwise he was happy enough to play alongside them. He never copied what they were doing though.

Actually I remember when he was a bit older and I had been saying that I thought he was autistic (and had been told roundly off by everyone I came across). Mum and Dad took him to a pub for lunch (good grief the idea gives me shivers now) and came back looking quite shocked because another child had approached him and he had totoally and utterly blanked them (it's wasn't just that he wouldn't join in he would actually avoid any contact etc at all and would treat them as if they were a stone or something to be totally ignored). I think they then began to realise what I was talking about. It was never very obvious to them before as he was so sociable with adults and was happy to be around children (providing they didn't approach him). He never responded to children taking something off him either- would just get something else. DS2 was always far more possessive.

Another vote for the perfectly normal behaviour.

I think you see otheer kids as being more sociable because it's not yo who has to discipline them over snatching incidents or shoving etc.

They don't really get the sharing thing til at least 2.5 and you still have to remind them for another year or so (it does get very, very dull)

thanks all for your input.
Thanks JimJams for sharing your experience as well, I must say that I did think about autism as I understand there are different degrees of it and it is normally diagnosed at around this age and one of the main trait is not being able to socialize.

However yesterday we had the most amazing experience, DS played for the first time with a kid he didn't know at a playgroup we went to.

There were no toys involved, they were playing hide and seek and they were laughing so loud that everybody had to stop and look at them: they were the picture of happyness, so now I feel more reassured he's developing normally.