If your dc told you another child had shoved them would you automatically believe them?

[ArmadilloDaMan]

Took ds to playgroup this morning and while he was convincing me to stay with him (I didn't) he told me another child had shoved him 'yesterday' (which could mean any time in past for ds). I didn't know whether to believe him or not cos

a) he didn't want me to go and this could have just been an excuse

b) he did get shoved in a play park a few months ago and could be getting confused. He also didn't seem bothered by it at time, so I just said 'never mind'

c) there wasn't much I could do even if it had happened and I'm sure preschool would have dealt with it if there was a problem.

I just told him to go and tell one of helpers next time if there was a problem.

Does it make me a bad parent, if I assumed that it probably didn't happen and if it did then there was nothing I could do about it anyway?

not a bad parent.

Sometimes what to little kids is shoving is just pushing past to us iykwim. And often they do it without even thinking about it and without malice.

Nope, to answer your last question I think you are being admirably sensible and laid-back. There are always two sides to every story, and children like everyone else are liable to reinterpret things.

Some shoving happens in playgroup and school- children are essentially unfinished beings socially. What would not be acceptable would be deliberate targeting of one child by another or several, or routine shoving or annoying behaviour that goes unchecked by staff. A one-off incident is not enough to getting het up about. Just gently monitor and make sure it's not a lot more than one incident.

Your reasoning makes perfect sense to me, ADM - I think you did exactly the right thing

Small kids will shove each other with no more thought than moving furniture around - that's all they are to each other, scenery!

He probably did get shoved, but he will get shoved. He will probably do some shoving too.

Good for you for telling him how to solve the problem hemself.(telling an adult)

Thanks. At the time I was fine, but now having time to mull it over it makes me doubt myself.

I tend to assume at this age even if they did mean it deliberately it isn't usually malicious (more self-centred as all pre-schoolers are). I doubt ds is completely innocent in behaviours of this kind.

NIce to see you all think I'm right

I love it when that happens.

IT's nice to get the reassurance.

I agree that you did the right thing, you thought about it properly and knowing what your child is like realised it wasn't a huge big assault that had happened and told him how to deal with it, as everyone else has said, shoves happen, and it is usually without malice.

thanks