Child ignoring me

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I am really unsure if this is a phase, a long term trait that will be grown out of, or maybe a sign of a bigger problem with behaviour or development.

DD1 is 6yo and has always been dreamy and away with the fairies. She is also extremely strongwilled.

She has done this thing for years, but partic bad now, where I or DH talk to her and she just doesn't respond. It is like she doesn't hear rather than on purpose, like she is tuned out or we are background noise.

We pick her up on it constantly. It is particularly infuriating when we are in a hurry. We tried a reward chart a while ago and it made it moderately better but didn't cure it and when we stopped, she relapsed.

I feel like it is behavioural but I sometimes wonder about ADD. But she has seen a psychologist who didn't see any signs and we have asked each of her teachers (3 of them, 2 v experienced) and they say she is daydreamy but do not think any SEN or additional needs.

Wwyd? And please don't say "just don't let her" bc we don't let her! The only thing that really works is shouting but obviously I don't want to do that.

Just like my daughter except she’s also very hyperactive too, we are expecting an adhd diagnosis.
Can you afford to get a private diagnosis/letters of support.
Don’t give up, it’s a fight.

I assume she's had a hearing test as that's the obvious thing? My son is like this he has aspergers syndrome but his hearing does fade in and out as well as his ability to zone us out. x

So we have taken her to see a paeds psychologist already who is an NHS consultant but also practises privately. She is a clinical lead of some kind at our local big teaching hospital and exact quote, "many children have some traits but she is so far below the diagnostic threshold that no reputable professional would say anything other than watch and wait".

Also it is not consistent. She can do even "boring" tasks right away sometimes, like yesterday I asked her to come in from playing and tidy up her toys and she did so right away with no bother.

She also does not have significant problems concentrating on her work at school - we've asked her teachers like I said and they all sounded surprised we were even asking. 2 of them 15y+ experience in primary.

Does that really sound a girl masking ADD....? I just honestly don't know

No hearing problems, she hears fast enough if you say "chocolate"

I am a teacher. I also have a daughter with ADHD and I have done a fair bit of research. My daughter presented like a boy in that she was boisterous and couldn't sit still and was loud and troublesome in school, therefore it was picked up pretty quickly and she was diagnosed at 6.

However, most girls with ADHD do not present their symptoms in this way. They present differently... Mostly they zone in and out and often appear to be unfocused and 'in a daydream'.

If you look up 'girls with ADHD' you should be able to see more information. I think ADHD and ADD are massively misunderstood unfortunately. Even very experienced teachers only seem to pick up on the 'normal' problematic behaviours of the condition. Also, if your child isn't being too much of a bother to other children or themselves, it can be overlooked.

I'd urge you to arm yourself with more information and then go back for another discussion.