Over anxious 7year old, do I tell school?

[skeletonbones]

My 7 year old is going to bed every night crying hysterically over a different school related minor problem 'on no!!! I saved my work under the WRONG name THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!!
I have explained that she will not be thrown into detention/beaten with a big stick or what have you for these minor problems I can't decide if this is one of those 'tell the teacher and get her reasured' or 'reasure at home and let her sort it out for herself type senarios. she is generally quite a worrier and also a bit of a drama queen.

I'd mention it.

what is the teacher like?

her teacher is nice and she likes him. Will try and mention in or make and appointment to have a word with him when I go in the morning. I just don't want to start going into school over every little thing and babying her/being a neurotic pain in the arse mummy!

If she's going to bed crying hysterically every night then I don't think you are "babying" her. Whatever is bothering her is obviously very real to her and she needs you to make sense of things for her. As for being a pia mummy - are you really bothered if it helps your dd?

I went in and talked to her teacher and he was very nice and said he would reasure her.
juuule Yes I am bothered, there needs to be a balance between things I need to sort out for her and things she needs to work through herself, otherwise how is she ever going to work out how to cope with lifes little problems and traumas.

Possibly by you demonstrating how to deal with them. Have you never needed someone's help to deal with something? If you can help her and show her how to sort something out why would you leave her to struggle until she works it out herself?

My dd is 6 and has similar upsets at school - the most recent was that she'd drawn a self portrait and the head was too big! It became a huge issue and she was crying over it for several days
I mentioned it to the teacher who had already spotted these perfectionist tendancies and is keeping an eye on her.
We have been talking a lot at home about how you can only do your best at school and that we all have bad days every now and then when things don't go quite to plan, it's quite normal and not something to worry about.

I have one like this too - she is 8 and in Year 3. She's always been a bit like this but it is worse this year with the change in routines for KS2. Tears every night and every morning, tummy aches etc - worries over everything eg what if I don't get to the right place for Drama club, what if I don't understand the Maths? I left it a few weeks before talking to the teacher - who was astonished as dd had always been happy once in school, so she had no idea of her worries! How is your dd once she gets in? Anyway, one by one the worries have been addressed and sorted - now she still gets upset but it's 'because I don't want to leave you'. I'm at my wits end really - hate seeing her upset in the mornings but don't feel i can 'give in' and keep her at home.

Very interested in this thread as this is what I was like at school! Still am a perfectionist who panics about the stupidest things now - waking in the night realising something I said could be taken the wrong way etc.
I have learnt to deal with it by thinking through - 'what is the very worse that could happen as a consequence' and I usually realise it is a fuss about nothing. The best thing you can do is continue to reassure her - if she's upset it is a real issue to her, but I would get her to think about why it is such a problem, what exactly the consequences are likely to be. I don't mean just you won't get detention but think through to the solution. EG I saved work under wrong name, I will have to tell teacher and ask if I can go back to the work and save it correctly, and making sure she is allowed to do this and knows how to. Does that make sense?

Juuule, are you not reading what I wrote? I wondered whether or not I should go in I WENT IN. I helped sort out her problem, just like I have many other times. Do you not think letting them grow and learn to cope with problems themselves might be appropriate sometimes? or do you go into school every time your kids have the slightest problem without trying to help them work through it themselves? anyway moving swiftly on, thankyou for the replies Bianca, hermit and ksld, she is a bit of a perfectionist and worries about getting into trouble for the slightest thing, nice to know that other mums have had this sort of thing, ksld, thanks for the tip, I will try getting her to work through what might happen and how to deal with the problem ect. Hopefully teacher talking to her today will help also.

Aaaah, these perfectionist children get themselves into such a state, don't they?
Ds1, 8, is so worried about getting his work wrong that he's often reluctant to try at all. His teacher said he lacks confidence, and now he's beating himself up about not being confident enough!
I just try for constant reassurance and small steps towards doing stuff for himself.

Consider myself told off
and no, I don't go into school every time my kids have the slightest problem. With 9 of them I'd never be away
But from your description of your dds upset it didn't sound like a slight problem for her. Anyway as you say, you've been in so hopefully things will improve for her.
I also think Bianca, Hermit and Ksid have given good advice.

Ooh - great thread. Interesting that your perfectionist dcs are all girls. I've got a boy (aged 7) who is the same. Things seem a little better over the last 2 weeks, after a terrible half term recently. I have told him that I don't want him to work as hard at school, I want him to be happy! We have said that we will review the situation after Christmas, but in the meantime, I won't ask how he has got on with work, and am focusing on whether he has had fun at school. It's hard, and I'm not sure what I would do if he really stopped trying, but we'll work on that.

Interesting post, ksld - I'll keep watching this thread.

Woa! 9 kids Juules. Respect!

Mines a boy NQGU, he's been off school for a couple of days with a cold and he's so tearful. He cannot bear it when the teacher shouts, and I fear he may have quite a shouty one this year, but as she said "we're all human".
He always has a meltdown about this time of year, new teacher and all that, then he settles down.

yes its that time of year isnt it cadelaide, every class change is difficult with my DD1 as we have tears at bedtime for a good while, DD really can't bear the thought of being shouted at either. Her teacher has talked to her today about not worrying about making little mistakes and reasured her she is a clever good girl with nothing to worry about, so we'll see what happens at bedtime tonight,which will be an early one after last nights exausting trauma, i think she could do with it, shes shattered. I have also bought her a homeopathic remedy to take for consant worrying so I'll see if that helps too.

Homeopathy, interesting.
I'm a cynic but I just may give it a try, at the very least it may have a placebo effect.
Good that the teacher is going to say that stuff, I'm sure it'll help. I do find ds needs constant reassurance, his problem (apparently) is that he sits in class with his hand in the air waiting for help as he's too worried about having a go. He just seems to have this reflex "I can't do that" attitude about various subjects, esp maths.

Yes I'm in two minds about homeopathy, on the one hand I kind of think 'How can it possibly work, the ammounts of the stuff it contains is so small, its just water really, people only see an improvement because the homeopath spends time with them, gets them to change their diet ect and that is responsible for the positive effect'
then when I was talking to homeopath at a festival thing I said the same and he said 'well that is sort of right, the ammounts contained are very small but it does work, we don't know exactly why it works, possibly its the energies of the plants, but it does'
So I though I'll give it a try because its very benign and not harmfull, if it is only just water and a bit of a placebo I've lost nowt apart from 5 quid