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DS 12 starting secondary school friend and other problems , apologies but this is long

3 replies

christywhisty · 05/11/2007 21:15

DS 12 yr 7 is doing brilliantly academically at school, and really enjoying school except for MFL as he has a Specific learning difficulty and he lacks confidence in that area.
However the school is 5 miles away goes with only 2 boys from his primary school . Their mums are 2 of my best friends so this is difficult.

These 2 boys started picking on him on the train. playing silly tricks and calling him stupid, idiot etc

He did mention some of this but I found some texts he sent basically calling them motherf* etc.He would only do this if he was really upset.
One of these board does have a history of mild bullying although mum is in denial. DS has hardly ever been in trouble at primary school.

We told DS to talk to the bullybusters at school, but instead he went straight to lower school Head and complained about the bullying. The other boy then showed the texts ds had sent, so they all got a talking to, which i have no problem with as ds shouldn't have sent texts.
I spoke to the mums we decided not to let it come between us and to leave the boys to sort it out between themselves.
I thought things seem to be better. There was another incident involving another boy when ds finally lost it and ended up fighting on the train. But after this it seemed like a huge weight had lifted off ds. I also got confirmation from the boy that ds was fighting with that the other 2 boys really weren't treating ds very nicely.

Then he got mugged by some strange boys in the park one evening and then again the next morning, and again after half term. The police are involved and we are going into the school (not ds's) to identify the boys tomorrow.

Problem is DS now is scared of going to and from school because of the strange boys. I got a panicky phone call tonight as the boys were hanging round the high street which we had told him to go to avoid the park.

DS now tells me tonight that Boy 1 keeps threatening to show the texts to other teachers. I have told him not to worry as the school already know about them, and that he is just to tell the teachers about the verbal bullying that has been going on.

Along with all this ds doesn't really seem to have made any new friends. He has joined lots of clubs but just doesn't seemed to have clicked with anyone. I think he would have been better off going to the school by himself knowing no one.

I do understand these boys would not be happy that he got them in trouble

Really don't know where to turn to next as I really don't want to fall out with friends over children.

OP posts:
mobileslostisitinthefreezer · 05/11/2007 22:26

Can you not (just as a back up) look around right now and choose another school, prefably one which he doesn't have to go on THAT train to get there. I would also put his name down for that school now as it might take a while.

My DD had a troubled time at primary school, she was never in trouble and did fine in class, but, she didn't gel with the other girls, and as there was only 5 girls in her year it was hard, especially as she was always child 5. Any way that is irrelevant, what she did do though was go to Secondary school not knowing anyone, a fresh start was the best thing that ever happened to her.

Also, I would consider going to the school counselor/nurse and tell them what is going on from your perspective, you as a parent have a right to expect your child to be in a safe enviroment at school, and being bullied is not a safe enviroment.

christywhisty · 06/11/2007 08:32

He always got on well with these boys at primary,so this has ben a bit of a shock to every one that there has been problems.
He doesn't really go on the train with them now and tends to sit with an older boy.

Changing school is really not an option yet. The 2 alternative schools are where the muggers go to and in avery other respect he is loving school and they have been really good with him, especially concerning the muggings.
I really didn't want to involve the school yet about the "friends" as I suspect it make matters worse and I was hoping it would blow over. But I really don't like the fact that they are trying to blackmail him. It was anti bullying day yesterday. I wonder if this boy has realised what he was doing was bullying and scared that DS would say something and was hoping to use the text against him if he said anything.

OP posts:
mobileslostisitinthefreezer · 06/11/2007 11:28

ok, if you can't change schools, then maybe you could go to the 2 lads mams for a coffee and (as you are good friends) mention everything you have said here but in the third party ... no names., ie not mention who has been doing this. Most mams would then quiz their kid about what you had said, which in turn hopefully scare the crap out of the lad.

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