Very angry 3 year old

[Edel2019]

Bit of an SOS!

My 3 and a half year old girl is very angry. When she's happy, it's a ticking time bomb to what is going to infuriate her next.

She tries to punch me, she spits, and today she dug her nails into me. She has a 5 year old big brother who never ever did this, so I don't know where she's even seen this kind of behaviour.

I use the Jo Frost naughty chair consistently but it just doesn't make a difference. She simply is not one bit nervous of me and doesn't care about authority.

Can I please have some advice. Even any articles to read. Not sure what to do. I've started confiscating some of her toys when she's really bold

Have you tried the opposite approach? Acknowledge that she's really angry and try and encourage her to regulate by doing anything really like spinning on the spot and then discussing what makes her angry after she's regulated again. The problem is she's angry (who even knows why) and isolating her or punishing her is just going to make her more angry. You can't expect her to regulate these emotions until you a) teach her to recognise these emtions and b) teach her ways of regulating them. I would take her for 'thinking time' but stay with her and regularly offer hugs and then I would explain when she's calm that we don't deal with things this way. Try and create natural consequences eg; oh dear because we spent so long getting cross we don't have time to go to the park now or 'because you broke that toy you're not going to be able to play with it now' rather than punishments as such. I think there's a book called 'the explosive child' which gets a lot of good press on here. I will confess I haven't read it on here but hopefully someone who has will come along. Just stay calm and hopefully things will get better x

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful, and lovely reply.

I am definitely going to get that book.

We have tried explaining and discussing anger, and how to deal with it (3 big breaths).

I really appreciate your help ♥️