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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Will NOT do as he is told in swimming lesson

26 replies

TheGoddessBlossom · 03/11/2007 20:23

I have a fairly typical 3 year old son, who I treasure and adore of course. He is doing the usually challenging things that 3 year olds do, but I am fairly strict with him and we get there in the end.

However, during swimming he will not stay by the side of the pool when told, he will not wait his turn, he splashes and cavorts around and the teacher spends most of the time telling him to stay put, and it is affecting the experience of the other children.

DH was livid when he came home with him this morning and after the usual row of it being all my fault re discipline etc, we calmed down and agreed that next week if he doesn't behave I'll bring him out half way through with previous discussion with the teacher that this is what I am doing. We have talked to him about it, why he must behave, have role played doing what he is supposed to do and will do that again nearer next weeks lesson. I'm just gutted that he is ruining the experience for others and obviously not getting what he should get out of it, and I know it's just exuberance and excitement and he's only three, but I have to do something...

What do you think?

Bloss

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StressTeddy · 03/11/2007 20:24

Is he a bit too young for swimming lessons? Would it be better to just take him for a muck about in the water, just with you and dh?

keepyourpuppydaviesindoors · 03/11/2007 20:26

if it were me i'd enjoy going 'freestyle' swimming with him and leave the lessons until he's old enough to make the most of them without it being a stressful experience all round.

Original poster

TheGoddessBlossom · 03/11/2007 20:28

yes maybe you're right. I don't know if he is too young, I must admit I assumed that if the lessons were available to 3 year olds, then it was considered that 3 year olds were old enough to take part. I know each child is different etc. We do take him for a muck about, he does totally adore the water, and just doesn't seem to get why he can't jump and splash about....

OP posts:

StressTeddy · 03/11/2007 20:30

I think he's difinitely trying to tell you that he wants to be in the water but not in the lessons
Just enjoy the fun of it, plenty of time for the structured stuff later

ArmadilloDaMan · 03/11/2007 20:31

I'd take him out and just take him swimming yourselves.

SOme kids may be alright with it at that age. BUt I know my ds wouldn't.

Try again in a year or so. Not worth the stress/cost I would say.

keepyourpuppydaviesindoors · 03/11/2007 20:33

if he loves it so much i really wouldn't run the risk of turning him off by continuing the lessons. dd1 was never much of a joiner/instruction-follower when she was younger. starting at nursery school and 'getting' what teachers were all about made a noticeable difference to her and now at 4.5 i imagine she'd do really well at swimming lessons, so it's really not so long to wait...

Theclosetpagansbesom · 03/11/2007 20:38

Would go along with everyone else here. Take him out of lessons and just enjoy going swimming with him in a less structured way.

Little boys are much more impulsive and maybe he doesn't really understand the need to listen and do as he's told. It's swimming and meant to be fun - asking him to comply with rules in such a fun environment might be impossible for him to grasp at the moment - when he's a bit older it'll be easier.

Waswondering · 03/11/2007 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChipPYROMANIACminton · 03/11/2007 20:59

I'd give it up for now. Two of my DC were the same and I'm going to start them again when they are 5/6. Even the swimming teacher had the same with her DD, tried again at 6yo and she took to it straightaway.

CaptainUnderpants · 03/11/2007 21:01

3 isn't young for swimming lessons , howver it onbviusly isn't wnat he wants to do at the moment. Obviously for safety reasons he must do what the swimming teacher tells him ,but is it is going to cause stress to you and Dh then take him out and have a free splash at the pool.

from another parents point of view I would WANT you to take you son out if he isn't listening . From epxerince when my youngest started swimming lesson a friend of mine her DS was in the same class and he was always jumping about and not listening . I dont know how it bothered the other children but it pissed me off as the teacher spent more time trying to keep him in line rather than teaching .

Rosieglow · 03/11/2007 21:01

Could you find if your local pools do different kinds of lessons? Ours does lessons for 6m to about 4ys in the fun pool where you go in with them and play with toys etc. Its still about learning to swim but fun too. They go in the teaching pool later.

Perhaps that would suit him better?

HeadHeartorHormones · 03/11/2007 21:11

Any chance of transfering your paid for lessons to a parent and toddler 2-3yr group? Less formal, more fun, still get interaction with other children and teacher, and you are there in the water to keep control. Age guidance is fairly arbitrary ime.

Elibean · 04/11/2007 14:15

Maybe 3 isn't too young for a child who's natural inclination is to take instruction, or a child who really really wants to learn to swim....but for a 3 yr old to squish their natural inclinations and fit in just because they're supposed to is a bit ambitious, IME

I can totally relate to the worries, though. My dd started dance lessons, at her request (bf was doing them) at just 3, and was utterly miserable after the first one or two, when the novelty had worn off. She disrupted the class by getting upset at various instructions, wanting to do her own dance and not what she was told, etc. I felt just as you did, and worried...wondered if I wasn't strict enough/too strict and so on. Honestly, it makes me now to think how much I agonized, I suppose I looked at all the well behaved little girls in blue tutus and their smiling mothers and felt I'd done it all wrong! This in spite of the fact that she was never a 'problem' at pre-school, fit in well, and so on.

With hindsight, I can see quite clearly that she was too young to conform/obey in a context that, to her, meant fun and self-expression, and being with her pal. Learning dance steps and following the class made no sense to her, no matter how much we role played or talked it through.

As soon as I stopped feeling responsible and ashamed (if I'm honest), and stopped seeing her refusal to be taught dance as a negative, or my fault, I pulled her out of classes and went back to letting her have fun dancing to music at home. And started to see that her refusal to join in wasn't necessarily negative at all.

I asked her at 3.5 if she wanted to learn to swim (she loves splashing around in a pool) and she actually said 'maybe when I'm a bit older'. She knew she wasn't ready. Now she's nearly 4, and has asked for lessons - so after Xmas, we'll give it a go

HTH, your ds sounds lovely btw.

Pitchounette · 04/11/2007 15:06

Message withdrawn

Pitchounette · 04/11/2007 15:10

Message withdrawn

edam · 04/11/2007 15:16

take him out and try again when he's a bit older/more used to following instructions.

HonoriaGlossop · 04/11/2007 16:20

totally agree with the concensus, take him out! He's only three - if he loves splashing about and adores the water, keep on taking him for play swims and forget the lessons!

Just because they're available to 3 yr olds doesn't mean that they should do them at 3. To be honest it's a money making opportunity. Of all the kids I know none actually stated properly swimming at around five or 6; my neice and nephew had literally YEARS of lessons which must have cost a helluva lot; we just took ds swimming and he started to swim at the same age as his cousins and for a whole lot less money

Kaz33 · 04/11/2007 16:24

My 6 year old has just got his five metre badge, he only started before the summer.

My 4 and a bit year old has just started lessons.

Totally depends on child.

CorrieDale · 04/11/2007 16:32

I had been taking DS to swimming lessons since he was 18 mo. About a month ago he stopped doing what the teacher told him (he's 2 and 4 mo). He did it in two lessons running and I've stopped the lessons. Waste of £5 a pop if he isn't going to do what he's told! I put the money towards leisure club membership and we now go 3 times a week. I didn't want him to start hating the lessons and swimming, and I also didn't want to create a completely unnecessary battleground for myself. We can find enough of those without actually paying for the privilege

perpetualworrier · 04/11/2007 16:49

I took my son to M&T swimming lessons from about 2 yrs, but he really created when it came to move into a group on his own. So reluctantly I stopped and we just went swimming as a family until he was 51/2, when he lessons again without a problem started again.

Now aged 61/2 he's at the same level as most of the kids who've had uninterrupted lessons since we left. We saved ourselves a lot of fuss and a lot of money IMHO.

throckenholt · 04/11/2007 16:54

my 4 year old twins wouldn't do as they were asked (didn't mess around just wouldn't cooperate at all) during swimming lessons.

I gave up on lessons - will try again when they are 5.

Original poster

TheGoddessBlossom · 04/11/2007 19:39

totally agree on all of this, and thanks alot espesh Elibean, what you said made alot of sense.

I had been totally blaming myself that we weren't being strict enough with him, and that is what Dh and I had been rowing about (ridiculous I know) as I actually think I am rather strict with my sons, compared with alot of the mothers I spend time with, and as you say, DS1 is impeccably behaved at nursery etc.

I really don't want him to start seeing the lessons as a trial, where all he seems to do is get told off because he genuinely loves being in the water and has a huge smile pasted across his face the whole time, even when he is being told for the 58th time to put his bottom against the wall....

No I don't go in the water with him, none of the parents do, that was kind of the pre-requisite for him being able to do it, as I quite often have DS2 with me.

Elibean you totally "get" the thought processes we are going through - all the other children are doing what they are told to do, to a greater or lesser extent, and when you're sitting amongst their parents, it's just embrassing because they know you are the parent of the one getting reprimanded all the time, the teacher remonstrates with DS1 then immediately seeks your eyes out in the viewing gallery - every time! I am used to bursting with pride over DS1's accomplishments and abilities, it's a new feeling to be wishing he'd do what the others were doing...!

I will just stop the lessons I think if next week shows no change in his beahviour during the class. No tellings off though, we'll just shelve it I think, and take him ourselves.

Really appreciate everyone's input...

Bloss

OP posts:

Original poster

TheGoddessBlossom · 05/11/2007 14:13

so the swimming teacher called this morning... and I thought right here we go she is going to say please pull him out. But no! It was to say that he is ready to go up a level! I did then mention our concerns and she said that it was probably because he could do the exercises so well already he was not being challenged enough and in the next stage up you travel across the pool alot more so there wasn't so much waiting for your turn. it doesn't address the fact that he failed to behave appropriately but if it improves then great!

We shall see...

OP posts:

Elibean · 05/11/2007 16:42

Wow! There you go, amazing how perspective can turn a negative into a positive. Good for your ds!

Good luck, and do let us know what happens - sounds v interesting; now I'm thinking maybe my dd was just bored because the ballet class wasn't doing arabesques yet

lailasmum · 05/11/2007 16:51

My daughter just started swimming lesson, she is 3. She has had a few and likes it but I could definitely see how she couldn't have coped with it even just 3 months ago, sometimes at this age they are perfectly capable of doing things but don't like the waiting around that so many classes entail so its really good his teacher has been able to see what he can do through all that and hopefully he will like the higher class better. There is one disruptive boy in my dd's group who should definitely be 2 or 3 classes up and is a couple of years older than my dd, he keeps disappearing across the pool and ignoring the teachers because he can already do everything. I hope that he gets pushed a bit more so he gets a bit more out of it.

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