Miserable rant - does my 3 yr old DD have psychological problems already?

[CocoDeBearisCocoDeBear]

I'm really worried about my 3.3 year old DD1.

She's always been highly strung (since birth), but she seems to be getting worse and worse, to the extent that it's interfering with her enjoyment of life.

Today we went for a stroll, and she suddenly just lost it and started shrieking in absolute terror because she saw a child with cat facepaint on. She finally calmed down, after several minutes, and we tried to explain that the girl was dressed up, like when she wears her fairy costume etc. etc. But all the way home she sat in the buggy with her head down and her hands over her eyes.

Yesterday, I said I was going to put the new humidifier on, and again she just started screaming in terror, and was shaking all over. I had to back down in the end.

It's like she doesn't trust us to take care of her and keep her safe.

My DD2 has SN and I can't cope with this on top.

There's a strong history of depression on my side of the family.

I just think if I've f*ked up both my girls good and proper then what's the point, really?

NOt an expert in psychological probs in children but I would assume your dd is suffering from the combination of being highly strung and being a pre-schooler (both of which are hard work).

YOu on the other hand sound very depressed - do you want to talk?

Pls don't worry, I am sure that she is just a sensitive child.
My DS1 (3.75) suddenly started getting absolutely terrified of cats, when they came anywhere near him, we'd had a cat but still he would scream and cry, shouting "Don't let it lick me!" over and over again, a cat had never licked him, so it was out of the blue.
Friends of DS have had similar moments, it is just a stage I think.

You haven't done anything wrong, she just sounds sensitive to me.

i'm sorry you feel likw this

but never ever persume its something you done i always felt this way with my ds speech delay and then realised many others in same situation that had done things differently

so couldnt be anything i have done

sn isnt something you do to a dc and if you are really concerened about dd get hv to see her she may refer her to someone who can carry tests out for you

dores she play on your anxiety though could this be her getting your attention and taking control?

dont let her see you are anxious you obviously ahve a lot to deal with and are suffering your self it wouldnt hurt for you to find support from somewhere

but the one thing you must remember no matter what is wrong with either one of your dc it is nothing you could have done its not your fault

get your dd seen to and find support for yourself your dd could just be picking up on your anxieties and playing on them

3 yr olds are notoriously crazy IMO.
Something to do with them starting to realise that the world isn't all cuddly toys and play doh.

Thanks Aramdillo and LizzyLou.

I worry that if she's like this now, she's going to be completely loopy or at least a bit depressed by the time she's a teenager!

I don't know if I expect too much of her, considering she's just 3?

I'm on ADs myself. I feel reasonably content most of the time, it's just the fear of having two kids with problems.

3 year olds are insane generally.

What she is like now, isn't necessarily what she is going to be like when she is older.

I tend to think of pre-schoolers as acting like drunks with manic mood swings. They aren't rational, they aren't reasonable and you can't always understand waht they are thinking or why they are doing something.

Three years olds are fairly mad imo. Try not to read too much into it.

And thanks bubblagirl and scattyspice.

It's a bit sad that at 3 she might be realising there's more to life than playdoh and cuddly toys. I want her to feel completely safe. And she should!

I try not to show my anxieties to her, but I find I'm more irritable with her than I should be.

I agree CDB re cuddly toys and playdoh .

But toddlers have a blissful existence (although no power so get frustrated) pre schoolers have to learn about roads, nasty dogs, unfriendly kids at nursery, getting lost etc. Scary stuff.

Coco, when my ds1 was smaller he was a nightmare - terrified of every animal under the sun, terrible general anxiety, a bizarre terror of petrol stations etc etc. He is 10 now and vaguely rational but I seriously thought he had something wrong with him when he was a toddler. Have you read "Your anxious child" by John Dacey? I thought it was quite good.

Try not to worry!

3 year olds are very unpredictable. One of my two had a thing about hoovers. Another hated the hairdryer to the point of running out of the room crying. DS2 hated men with beards would hide behind me shaking of any of them came close. He was also terrified of my BIL (DH's brother) and burst into tears everytime he saw him even though he was always very friendly.

She will grow out of it in the next year or two. Some are more easily scared than others but then the same goes for adults.

If you think she is particularly sensitive there is a book called "The Highly Sensitive Child" which might be worth a read as it contains some coping strategies and explanations but really they all have funny five minutes - the world is so new to them, it is not surprising.

Coco
Don't be so hard on yourself. You mustn't think anything like this is your own doing - it absolutely isn't.

Your little girl sounds like she is just being a sensitive 3 year old but I do think you should seek reassurance from your HV if it worries you.

Thanks for the replies.

DD1 is scared of hoovers, and food mixers, and is absolutely petrified of hand driers in public loos.

She's very conscientious about crossing roads, and worries that her little sister might hurt herself by say falling between the bed and the wall (even though the gap is far too small and I've explained this over and over).

She just seems to me to have too much on her shoulders at too young an age - and for absolutely no reason.

I have flicked through the Highly Sensitive Child before, but will look out for the Anxious Child one. Thanks for the recommendations.