Feel like I’m letting my 13 month old down first time alone mum

[Katie321516]

Hi please can I have some advice I’m a single mum the dad has never wanted to know and I’m sticking to the lockdown rules so just me and my baby and I’m really struggling. I can tell my baby girl who is 13 months is so bored and frustrated I do try my hardest but I feel I am seriously letting her down. I have come off Facebook because I felt I was on there too much and I want to be more present with my baby but I feel I don’t know what to do with her. I try taking her for walks after a while she just has enough and cries. She has so many toys but me and her are both bored them sometimes she looks at me and wants me to interact but I don’t know what to do with her sometimes my heart is breaking for how much she is missing out on. In the times we haven’t been locked down I took her to swimming lessons, Jo’s jingles, petting farms. When we haven’t got structured activities to do like that I do struggle just want to make her happy and I’m failing her what can I do with her? Shes the kind of baby that if I try to do anything like painting messy play she will try and eat everything and cry if i try to stop her so can’t really do things like that I even got us 2 cats because I thought that might make her happy and give her something good in her life but she just tries to hit them and I’m always telling her to leave them alone I’m just constantly annoyed with her and I hate myself for it I just want some fun things we can do. I feel like this lockdown is forcing me into being depressed when I would be so happy if not then I feel angry because our lives are being paused and it’s not fair on my baby

It sounds like you really are doing your best. With little ones like your daughter they do still explore things with their mouths a lot. Sometimes you can make ‘edible’ paint or play with sensory things like cornflour and water mixed together (can be messy). At this age lots of singing and talking is good. Even just talking as you go about everything as it’s how they learn language lots of books.

• lift the flap etc. Toys that do less are actually more beneficial as the ones that have loads of buttons and don’t take much thinking are fun but simple things like building blocks and a simple shape sorter (start with 3 shapes or just showing how it works). Being silly when you can. Hiding, crawling around on the floor etc. It is hard in winter and not having structured activities makes it harder. Try and join a fb group with sensory play ideas. Get mom toxic paint and don’t worry if she eats a bit. Drawing etc. Licking a felt tip or biting a crayon isn’t terrible and she will learn not to. Can you form a support bubble? Being outside when you can is good too. Don’t worry if she puts sticks and leaves and mud in her mouth as long as they are clean.

I have a 13 month old too and find it so hard right now.

Jelly can be good for messy play. Also flour.

We have some plastic play food and pots and pans, she loves rattling these around. She’s starting to try to use Duplo but can’t quite do it yet, but enjoys knocking Duplo towers over!

She likes dancing if we put music on and jump about. A inflatable paddling pool with balls is also fun. But we get bored too. The days are long!

Oh just to add my youngest is 18 months and I was giving ideas but she’s the only one of mine who has had a fair bit of nursery rhyme tv so young and the days are really long. I was trying to be helpful but should have added that it’s rubbish and I’m not doing things perfectly I feel bad how much she is enjoying the childminder now I’m back at work (and she has siblings who entertain her a bit).

I imagine it is hard, if you’re on your own. A particularly challenging age to deal with too.
Do you have a granny, Godmother, friend or neighbour who can have her for a short while or meet you for some outdoor time with adult company?
Then would you consider rehoming the cats to take that stress out? She’s too young to get much pleasure from them.
Clear away some of the toys. Clutter adds to stress and raises expectations that children will amuse themselves with toys: they won’t.

Set a routine. Little ones like routine and it helps reduce the panic of what to do. Those pre lockdown activities sound lovely and you can replicate most at home except adult company for you. That’s the issue. A thirteen month old doesn’t really need anyone but their mother. Their mother does need adult contact of some sort. Facebook isn’t that company.

Things that you can do include
-a book hour/half hour with cuddling on the sofa. They love lift the flap and rhyming books repeated daily.

• messy time (playdough made in microwave, junk modelling, glueing and sticking pictures from cards, magazines, collected on walks).
• music hour. Dancing and action nursery rhymes rather than Beyoncé. There used to be videos from fun song factory, but there must now be downloaded versions. Riding cock horses around the sitting room is fun.
• set pleasant relaxed lunchtime, trying new foods and ways of eating. No stress around using hands or not eating it. Sushi, plain spaghetti through her fingers, watermelon, sandwiches cut into stars.
• television time to give yourself a space to have a cup of tea or go on Facebook.
• naptime.
• outdoors time. Wrap up well. A nice long walk preferably somewhere green (or white at moment) feed ducks, collect things, potter rather than rush, go somewhere there may be others to say hello to.
• shopping even - it’s meant to be essential but then popping into a corner shop for a pint of milk or loaf of bread is quite essential - as is real world human contact.
• puzzle time. Toys and counting games time. Those pop up toys where you turn or hit a knob and an animal pops up, posting games, finding the colour games.

Separate toys and activities out to give structure may help you feel more in control.

Thank you for your replies you have given me some great ideas I never thought of sticking things with her with glue I’ve decided to put her in nursery one morning a week as well so she can play with other children really hope I have made the right choice and she enjoys it and doesn’t just cry for me