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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Where Did I Come From by Peter Mayle-how to present to dd age 7?

25 replies

dingleberry2 · 01/11/2007 11:43

Should I give it with panache, flourish and fanfare?

Casually leave it around?

Hide it in bookshelf with 1000s of others and hope she finds it by 14? (preferred option)

Additional spanner is very loquacious dd2 aged 4, and very traditional parents around here-not least DH, who hasn't seen it yet but will be very .

I am to be frank a little which is why I chickened out and bought a book.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Kitsandbits · 01/11/2007 11:46

Try talking to her!

Honestly if you don't do it now it will just get more and more awkward.

By being prudish you will make her doubt her own body.

Original poster

dingleberry2 · 01/11/2007 12:11

well I am already prudish, am already unable to deal with it due to traumatic past, and decided to try a book ON OTHER MNetters threads ADVICE I might add.

So one vote for throwing it in the bin and continuing to fail to address the problem, because I can't talk about it.

Anyone else?

OP posts:

mrspnut · 01/11/2007 12:22

Put it in her room for her to find and for gods sake go and get some counselling.

If you can't talk to your children about their bodies and the natural changes that occur then you'll really struggle when they become teenagers and start wondering about having sex.

If you daughter comes home pregnant at 14 because she wasn't sure about contraception and having sex will that be someone elses fault, blamed perhaps on your traumatic past?

flamingtoaster · 01/11/2007 12:32

The book is an ideal way to bring the topic up without causing either of you embarrassment. With DS and DD I just gave them a book saying, "If there's anything you don't understand, or anything you ever want to talk about then just ask." Looking further ahead I also at intervals would remind them that they could talk to me about anything (not just sex) - I told them that if they came to me and said something along the lines of "I want to talk to you and I need you not to be cross" - then I would guarantee not to go ballistic no matter what the problem and just try to help them.

TheApprentice · 01/11/2007 12:35

Is that book still going? Thats the one Mum bought me when I was a child - I'm 40 now!

ITs a great book though, and I remember having a giggle (with my friends and with my Mum) but it certainly got the message through, I can quote parts of it by heart even now!

Good luck with it anyhow.

Kitsandbits · 01/11/2007 12:37

Erm excuse me but I think you were a bit rude to me there.

I havent read this 'other thread' I have no idea of its exsistance.

How am I supposed to know its already been discussed and a book has been decided to be the answer in your circumstances?

Your post mentions non of this and DEFINATLY does not mention you 'traumatic background' which obviously affect your ability to communicate about such things!

And at no point did I suggest you 'put the book into the bin!

stoptheworld · 01/11/2007 13:01

what kind of a response it that mrspnut.............not a very helpful one imo.

Kits yours did read a bit harsh when i first read it but knowing you mean well I read it again

Dingleberry, have a couple of wines and have a girlie night (let DD have juice in a wine glass, but dont mix them up!!!) and get a bit of courage and read the book with her

Good luck

persephonesnape · 01/11/2007 13:13

everyone is so knicker-twisty these days.

dingleberry, i don't know what exactly happened to you - i hope you're ok. whatever it was is doubly horrible if you feel you can't talk to dd about her body.

when you were pregnant with dd2 though - what did dd1 think? just that you were getting fat? i think she probably has an inkling about what happens anyway.

I'm not aware of the book myself, i do think that all books need to be shared when they have a moral implication, because you can then add your own guidance. I think you can do better than leaving it on her bed and running away - it's just one of these things where you have to get through it and have a little cry a bit later on, because there is a possibility you might unwittingly traumatise dd1.

i am sorry, i think you just want to hear, 'throw her the book, it'll be ok.' without knowing your or your dd, i think 'sex talks' with our children need some parental input, even if there is a book involved.

do hope that helps. `

mrspnut · 01/11/2007 13:13

And IMO it's perfectly reasonable.

Avoiding the issue because it's difficult or uncomfortable for parents is why the UK has the highest rates of teenage pregnancy in Europe.

stoptheworld · 01/11/2007 13:29

but mrspnut....do you really think that your helpful comment is going to make her race off to discuss the book with her daughter...........??

I get a bit fed up with throw away unconstructive comments. If you cant say helpful stuff then just dont say anything, the OP was asking for advice not flippancy

mrspnut · 01/11/2007 16:08

In what way is advising someone to think about going for counselling unconstructive and throw away.

If what you mean by being helpful is merely saying there there fluffy fluffy hun then I would suggest posting this on Bounty or Netmums.

This is a public forum and different people post in different ways. Just because you think it's uncalled for doesn't mean everyone has to agree with you.

And sorry for the hijack.

stoptheworld · 01/11/2007 20:21

Oh im sorry mrspnut you are soooooooooooooooo right, you were being helpful my mistake.

Goodness if your helpful or thoughtful, i would hate to see unhelpful. And dont give me the this is a public forum crap, that isnt an excuse to be thoughtless. And no you dont have to be all fluffy fluffy either, so dont be sarcastic with me. i didnt ask for you to agree with me i was expessing my opinion that I think you were being a bit of a twunt with you reply to someone that was asking for help

and as for netmums or bounty, if you know them so well why dont you go n teach them to be a little less fluffy, your obviously well equipt to do so

Original poster

dingleberry2 · 02/11/2007 08:42

Thank you ALL for your comments and advice, which while not always contructive, are very interesting.

flamingtoaster that is super advice and goes way beyond what I was expecting.

And thanks theApprentice for sharing your memories, that will help dispel my bad ones!

The problem is communicating with my daughters. I've had lots of counselling, it was mainly an expensive waste of my time, and now I don't have time for that. I have to get on with life NOW, day to day, and that's why I was asking for some specific advice or experiences, stories of what others did and how it turned out, good or bad.

I didn't really appreciate being lectured about how shit I am, on the problem I am this moment asking for help with! That's how phrases klike "try talking", "get counselling" come across. I KNOW I need to change. That's why I came here.

OP posts:

TheApprentice · 02/11/2007 08:48

One of the good things about the book is, iirc, that it actually mentions the fact that people can get embarrassed talking about sex (I realise its more than embarrassment for you) so that might help your daughters if they see that you are not that comfortable with the subject.

I think you deserve a pat on the back for tackling this issue - many more in your shoes would not even try.

Hope that doesnt sound too patronising!

Original poster

dingleberry2 · 02/11/2007 09:30

Thanks TheApprentice!

Also as the queen of patronising people myself, I didn't see it as such.

OP posts:

majorstress · 02/11/2007 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

themildmanneredjanitor · 02/11/2007 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elk · 02/11/2007 09:52

I remember this book. It is great fun. I read it myself when I was 6/7 and loved the picture of the father hiding behind the newspaper with a very red face.

My mother never talked about this sort of thing with me until I was about 16 or so and went for the leaving books on my bed approach. I don't think it has harmed me in any way.

Perhaps you could leave it on her bed and tell her she has a new book and that If she has any qustions to ask you. I definately looked at the pictures in this book before I read it so I wouldn't worry about the four year old seeing it.

HTH

Pollyanna · 02/11/2007 10:18

I haven't seen this book - is it good?

Personally I am lucky that I don't have issues, and as I am pg, both ds and dd1 have asked me about sex, and I have told them. However, I would like to get them a book on this and growing up etc.

I remember one that my mum got for my younger sister which actually described an orgasm - it's the only bit I remember from the book - but it was very instructive and amusing. Is this the Peter Mayle book?

TheApprentice · 02/11/2007 13:53

In the Peter Mayle obok an orgasm is described as being like a big sneeze only a lot nicer, iirc!

Pollyanna · 02/11/2007 21:00

That's the book I was looking for!! Fab I'm going to get it for my dcs

pointydog · 02/11/2007 21:13

a book about female orgasm for a 7 year old???
Is that right?

I'd stick to a basic body book at this age. If you start with very basic stuff, dingle, like naming parts of the body and what they are for and straightforward stuff like that, you might be able to build up to more of the sex stuff in a year or so

pointydog · 02/11/2007 21:14

oh , was it a male orgasm?

even so, I'd start with body stuff until you feel a bit more comfortable with the topic.

nooka · 02/11/2007 21:35

What a weird analogy. I've never thought that my orgasms were like sneezing! Maybe I should start taking snuff . I do think with a seven year old talking is better than the "here is a book for you to read on your own" approach. But then although I have a seven year old (and an eight year old ds) their reading isn't good enough for that to be very effective. I don't really like the book approach personally, and have always preferred to just answer questions as they come up, it's easier to do this when they are really little because their questions are much more limited IME. My two always have lots of questions, and have a tendancy to act things out too, which is slightly worrying! I think that you need to make sure that you are comfortable with looking at the book with dd, even if it is just for a little bit - maybe you could flip through the pages with her when you give it to her? Alternately if you are really finding this difficult is there someone else you trust who could have that first conversation? I had all my "sex and relationships" discussions with my big sister, but maybe an aunt/older cousin or trusted family friend would be an option? My children tend only to be interested in talking about sex for a few minutes at a time, and then come back with questions a while later. Sometimes what we have talked about sinks in and sometimes not. I find thinking about it in the same way as you would anything else they ask about (like dinosaurs or volcanos) helps on the embarrassment factor.

shortshafe · 02/11/2007 23:33

My mum didn't even stretch to leaving me a book on the bed - I got everything I needed from friends, magazines, school etc. I don't think its done me any harm at all! I'm very open about everything now, when I was pregnant last year my goddaughters (6 and 4) were very intrested in how the baby got there! Their mum and I joined forces and gave them all the info they needed - very simple terms but honest, they accepted it no problems and haven't asked anything since. One of my friends is desperately stressed by the idea of talking about sex to anyone, she sends her 10 year old to me with any questions! Maybe this could be an option for you if you have anyone you trust enough?
Good Luck with it, whatever you decide to do!

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