3 year old daughter doesn’t speak a lot

[RollMeOverInTheClover]

Hi, my 3 year old and 1 month girl talks but doesn’t have a large range of vocabulary. She tries but mispronounces most words (eg saow instead of house, ebe instead of seven). She often drops consonants and can’t pronounce her name. She is improving and she’s begun to string 3 or more words together. She’s a little shy and has a very gregarious and loud older brother who was talking non-stop at the same age. We live in France and haven’t seen many people socially since Covid hit, we haven’t even seen British family or visited the UK because of the travel restrictions, and she hasn’t had any home play dates though we’ve had a handful of outdoor ones (I’m high risk so we need to play it safe). Up until now I wasn’t worried, she’s happy and healthy and seems to learn things fairly easily, and I think Covid and lockdowns and the lack of stimulation have had an effect on her, but her teacher at school (she started at age 2y9mo, she’s the youngest in her year - they start here in the school year they turn 3) has now told me I should take her to a paediatrician because of her lack of communication. I’m reluctant as I don’t think there is anything wrong with her, I think that 2020/Covid has had an impact on her at a crucial time of her development, but I do feel she will catch up. She’s super young for her year and has missed out on a lot of socialisation, last year her nursery closed because of Covid and I was home schooling my son up to 4 hours a day so she had less 1-on-1 with me. Her hearing seems fine but hasn’t been tested. Do you think I should worry? I don’t want to put us all at risk from the virus by taking her for endless tests, especially when I’m not especially worried. Or should I be? Thanks teacher for messing with my head!!

I lived in France and kids don’t see a GP but a paediatrician as their primary cater, so it isn’t an outrageous thing to say.
It is normal for bilingual children to have delayed language but by the age of 3 she should be able to say a bit more and certainly be able to say her own name.
I would follow the teacher’s and see the doctor, just ask the teacher to maybe write down what her concerns are and what she has observed.
It might be a delay caused by excessive screen time. What does she do while you homeschool her brother ?
I think there is room for intervention even done by you and getting advice on how to improve her language is definitely worth it. While you wait for the process, cut her screen time

Hi Cormoran, thanks for replying! She doesn’t view screens excessively, just tv for half an hour before dinner, that’s it, even during lockdown. We have a no-tv-before-6pm rule. When I was home schooling, my husband was looking after her but he’s not very talkative. He played games with her or took her for walks. Our GP is trained in paediatrics so I’ve never felt I needed a paediatrician, she’s really attentive...and there isn’t a paediatrician in our local area. I have an appointment with her on Monday so I’ll ask her what she thinks.
I’d love to hear from any one who is going through something similar with their child...it would be great to hear some reassurance. She only started walking at 22 months (not unusual in our family) so I’m hoping she’s just a late developer.

No reassurance but I know of children who didn’t speak until much later and are fine now. I think they had SALT involvement though. I’m not sure why you wouldn’t want some intervention- even if you think she will catch up- just in case

I meant no personal reassurance

Maybe your husband could read to her as well. Or he could do the homeschooling while you are with her.

It is very normal to see a paediatrician in France , they are not only consulted for severe cases. Even if your généraliste is well informed, you can compare the expertise in development. Specialist would also help access any help or services needed.

My children are bilingual and at that age they would mix up the languages. Which language do you speak at home? Maybe her French is poor and in that case it will come.

Hi Cormoran, we both read to our kids all the time, and we’re not in lockdown at the moment so thankfully no homeschooling! We’ve lived here a long time so I know that it’s normal to see a paediatrician here. Our nearest one is an hour away. It’s not that I don’t want to take her, despite the distance, more that I want to minimize our exposure to the virus and so only take her if there is a pressing need. We speak English at home, she only speaks a few words of French, it’s normal for French to initially develop more slowly as we speak English at home. My son didn’t begin talking in French until MS (ie the year he turned 4 for those who don’t know the French system), this is normal for non-native speakers. He’s fluent in French now. I know that children will learn a certain number of words a month, and if learning 2 languages then that number is split between the two, so language development is slower. The school they are in is not used to non-native speakers (we’re pretty much the only ones) and makes no allowances. I do not know any other 3 year old English children here so I have no gauge as to what is completely normal/unusual but normal/completely abnormal, and only my experience with my son as a comparison, but then he didn’t have lockdown, closed nurseries and isolation to deal with.

Hi Fatas, thanks so much for replying! I’m all for getting help when needed, this has only just been sprung on me as being a potential problem. I wasn’t the slightest bit worried about her until Friday evening and her teacher’s comment. My reluctance to take her into a hospital or clinic to see a paediatrician is due to being high risk of complications should I catch the virus, so I’m seeking other mums’ experiences with their children to help me decide if it’s worth the risk! It might be safer to wait. What age did the children you know have language therapy? My daughter has only just turned 3. I’m going to spend the next two weeks of the school hols really focusing on her language and I’ll see if that helps, as well as discussing it with our GP. Her big brother demands a lot of attention, he’s really loud and boisterous, so that might be a contributing factor!

When you say she doesn't talk much is she speaking in sentences? Are you teaching her French or any other languages too? Does she understand you? Mine is almost 3 and there's pretty much nothing she wouldn't understand now. She will follow 2 and 3 step instructions too if she feels like it. She has quite a degree of lateral thinking now eg if I asked her to point to a picture of something she washes her hands in she'd point to the sink. I think this is all fairly typical of a 3YO. Is she social? Does she find ways of letting you know what she wants eg pointing and is she social? Will she sign along to nursery rhymes etc for example? And does she have friends at nursery that she seeks out? Does she seem to understand the nuances of speech eg will she answer yes/no to questions? Does she play imaginitively? Any sensory problems? Does she understand basic emotions? Eg mine can tell if someone is happy/sad/cross and she can even tell when I'm joking with her even if I try to seem serious. This might sound like a lot of stuff to consider but it's all quite important in figuring out what the problem is if there is one. Either way if she is 3 and not talking in sentences I think that needs investigating by a speech therapist as it's a bit of a red flag. The older she gets the less likely it is that she will catch up on her own although it's still quite possible that nothing is wrong xx

Hi Jannt86, thank you, your questions have given me food for thought.

She can speak in broken sentences ‘me go book my bedroom’ or ‘my finger hurt me’, she’ll point at things, she understands multi-step instructions, she’s social...she’ll sing the word at the end of the line in a nursery rhyme but not all the words, she’ll answer yes and no and respond to questions, she loves to play imaginatively with her dolls and teddies, she understands emotions...the only unusual thing is that she was late to walk (22 months), but this runs in the family, and late to talk as she only started really talking once she’d started walking. This is why I haven’t been unduly worried so far - she’s only been talking for a year so surely this is why she is where she is with her language, plus her school time is in French.

She drops consonants and has trouble with ‘k’ and ‘th’ sounds, and swaps sounds around, eg ‘si’ instead of ‘mice’. The problem with a speech therapist is that they’ll be French and she’s not yet speaking French, so how could they properly assess her? (Medical personnel rarely speak English here). They should hopefully be able to give me advice....or I could look into finding someone based in the uk who can help via zoom. Again tricky because DD doesn’t really engage with people on a screen for longer than a few minutes!

I’ll see what her GP says tomorrow, thanks so much for responding!

@RollMeOverInTheClover I’m not sure at what age they saw SALT. In UK I know they won’t refer until 2 and then there’s a wait- so I’m thinking probably about 3-it’s just a guess. One of them started talking at 4 and still had a strange accent when he was at school apparently, but his Dad was happy he had generally caught up.

My 3 year old also started talking late- he had 100 words by 2-just! And he’d collected most of those from about 22 months. Though he seems to have caught up reasonably well now. His pronunciation is a bit rubbish, but he’s become more receptive in terms of being corrected and copying the correction. So Arnout has become astronaut and so on. I just sound them out really obviously and get him to repeat each sound AST TRO NAUGHT and then do the whole word. To be honest, I should do it more as it does work. We tend to do it when reading books or in the evening when doing bedtime- but I should do it all the time.

Perhaps some screen time might be useful for your four year old so you can sit and do more of this with your little one?

Hi Fatas, thanks for your advice...I’ve started actively correcting her pronunciation now, and getting her to repeat the full phrase when she says her shortened version. The doctor said that it’s too young (over here) for speech therapy and advised waiting until the end of the summer. She thought the impact of the virus had a lot to do with her being behind with her language, but she wasn’t overly concerned about it. I’m aware of it now, so I’ll coach her myself over the next month or so, try and have more one on one with her, and see if she improves. If not I’ll take her to a paediatrician. Thank you for your help!

@RollMeOverInTheClover Hello, some update with speech?