Kids

[Silvermama1]

My son just turned 2 and he has always preferred everyone else to me, he doesnt see his dad often atm until we go to court, everytime my sister comes near me and my son he just wants to go to her, same with my mam, i could be gone for the whols day and he still would not want to come back to me, when he goes to his dasa for a few days he screams crying when i come to collect him, his dad is more playful and spouls him more, i try to have as much energy and play with him a lot, but im just more stricter and i honestly just feel like he hates me so much because i dont allow him to do anything and everything and i give out here and there when he doesnt listen, i feel like a terrible mother, hes with me 24/7 so i thought he would of been attached to me but he absolutely hates me and i honestly just feel like im a terrible mother , he doesnt talk yet and doesnt understand most things so i dont even know how to communicate with him properly, i play with him and he still hates me, im starting to feel like he will be happier without me and i dont know what to do i just want him to love me, but he absolutely hates me, what child prefers to be with everyone else apart from you? And cries coming to you when he hasnt seen you in days? Says dada but doesnt even say mama at this stage, i dont know what im doing wrong, its literally just me and him 24/7 since im a stay at home mom for thw time being, im doing online classes. Please someone help

Hello,
How is the relationship between you and your child’s dad? The reason why I ask is because I have a friend who spilt up with the father of her child when her child was 18 months and they would argue and bicker a lot and would talk about each other around their child and her daughter became really protective of her mummy and would fuss about going to her daddy’s house.

You sound like you are going through a tough time and from what Ive read you sound like a mother that is trying her best to connect to her child and is seeking advice to try and improve that.

Have you tried visual cards? You can buy them on Amazon and they can be really helpful with communicating with your child.

When you say your son hates you and would be happier without you, what do you mean? Like how do you get that impression from your child? And when you say you give out what do you mean?

Your child has only turned 2? My child didn’t say mama until he was 3 and I’m the one that looks after my son 24/7. Every child is different and some children take longer than others to say things.

Hi,
My relationship with the father when he comes to collect him or bring him back we never bicker we talk normal and dont say anything bad towards eachother, but we barely talk we only exchange a few words as in 'its bath day today so give him a bath and send me pics and vids' but thats about it we dont conversate as we dont really want anything to do with eachother, i offered him 50/50 and he refused, we are going to court cause he wants 2 weekdays only and i will not allow weekdays only weekends as i am in college full time and im struggling so much i had to drop a few classes and i would like the weekends to do assignments catch up and study as its very hard to do with a 2 year old jumping all over you and wanting full attention most of the time, when i finish college since he doesnt want more than 2 days a week i would like to get a part time job on weekends too until he goes to school and i can get a full time job, im trying my best

No i havent tried the visual cards but i will deffo have a look into them! I try read to him as he has many books but hes onoy ever interested for like a minute then closes the book on me and walks off, i try to colour and draw with him too

I mean that he would be happier with his dad or even my sister as them 2 he adores , i feel like hes not happy to be back with him as hes always screaming crying and never wants to be with me, he runs off straight away when my mam or sister walk into the room, he goes days without seeing me when hes with his dad and cries when he comes to me and i thought he would miss me and want to come back but he never does

I give out when he does something bold and i say no or dont do that and sometimes when he really misbehaves and keeps hitting or biting people or being where he shouldnt be i raise my voice a little as i get so frustrated sometimes but he just giggles when i do, his dad doesnt seem to ever really say no to him and gives him anything he wants so maybe thats why he wants to be with him not me, but my mam and sister dont but he still prefers to be with them

Thank you so much.

You are a good mother and you are going through a really stressful time with online college and looking after a 2 year old on top of this pandemic. What is your 2 year old interested in? Like do they like to paint or play with play doh? I have these sand timers at home that I use with my son the timers range from 1 minute up to 30 minutes and maybe you can give your son an activity he likes to do and give him the sand timer and once he is finished praise him and give him cuddles and then give him his next activity so while you are doing college work, you are able to focus a bit more and still able to engage with your son.

Have a look at the visual cards I really found it helpful. You could try those books that have the different textures in them you know the “that’s not my car” book. I think you can get it in Tesco or Asda.
You can create a sensory box, if you look online it’ll give you different ideas, Or make slime together. They can help keep your son occupied when you are trying to do housework or college work online and also you can both do it together.

It sounds like when he is being bold it’s attention seeking behaviour and also to test you and see how you’ll react. I think you are right when it comes to dad it’s just down to not being told no and he knows he is going to get away with it. In regards with family it’s probably just how they approach it but also he is with you the most and he probably likes the reaction he gets from you whether it is good or bad.

I hope what I'm saying is helpful