Help!!! My toddlers relationship/behaviour with dad is getting worse 😫

[Jennip1992]

Hello,

I’m hoping somebody can give me some advice/hope with regards to my 21 month old daughter. Her relationship with her dad (my partner) has always been a little touch and go since she was around 6 months old, she never seemed to have got that bond with him for some reason and only ever really wants me. She cries at him a lot for no reason whatsoever. It’s very hard emotionally on him as he goes out to work and comes home wanting to see his little girl to be greeted by crying and screaming. The last couple or months and weeks has just seemed so much more intense, she literally won’t even look at him and if he so much as speaks she just pulls a face and starts crying. The crazy thing is an hour later she can be his best friend playing jumping on him etc I just don’t understand! It’s causing such a miserable atmosphere all around :( I thought as she got older it would change but it seems to be getting worse! We had a spell of a few weeks not so long ago where she was fine with him daily, happy all around and then one morning it started again.

Has anybody had a similar experience and any suggestions on what we can do to try and make this better and improve their relationship? He tries and tries and tries all the time. The worse thing is is it’s only him, she is fine with all our family and friends and at nursery. What has happened?! It’s her dad :(

What do you do when she gets like that? Do you step in?

Do they do anything like go to the park/local playground together just the two of the them? x

Yes I step in, I try to tell her that what she’s doing is wrong and also make her go to the naughty corner for 5 mins out. She calms down and comes back and it happens all over again. I just really don’t understand how she can be like that one day and then his best friend the next.

Together no, my partner works a lot and every other weekend also so when he has time off we always try and do things together as a family x

I think you need to leave them to it more if you can.

They need to establish their own relationship and that means both quality time and him being able to discipline her himself. If he works a lot, this is even more important as I’m guessing she gets to spend one on one time with you but rarely him.

My partner and I realised that I was always getting involved if he was trying to deal with an issue with our 22 month old, so I backed off and left them to it more, even if I could hear her yelling the house down and my instincts were to go and “fix” things. He also makes more of an effort to spend solo time with her, even just a quick walk around the block. Maybe this is something your husband could do on one of the weekends you are both around - I know you want to spend the time all together when you can but I think a bit of one on one time for them will make that time more pleasant in the long run.

That approach has made the world of difference to my DHs and DDs relationship.

I agree with @NewMum0305, they need time just the two of them, and she needs to learn that she can't get your attention (even your telling her off is still your attention) by reacting badly to her dad. What happens if neither of you react to her behaviour?

I have a 19 month old who has also always much preferred me (and a DH who lacked confidence with her, although he's much better now), and I try really hard not to intervene when he's doing something with her. We're still under no illusions that she'd prefer to have me 24/7, but I'd say she now generally accepts that daddy is going to do X this time with only a few seconds of complaint.

We also had a theory that swimming lessons were going to be something for just the two of them, but covid obviously ruined that plan. We still tried to find some nice things that he (almost) always did with her, even if it was only helping her with her beloved yoghurt after dinner. Can you find something small like that he can do with her in the evening? I also agree about trying to find a little bit of time just for the two of them on the weekends he is home – it's an investment that will pay dividends for all three of you in the long run.