My 5 week old hates cuddles

[Rachandluke]

My newborn son and I didn’t have the best start. I had to stay in hospital for an extra 3 days after I had him. Because of Covid I sent him home with my husband and my parents to keep him safe.

Once I got home I had been so ill it’s taken me a while to recover. I’m still healing now on week 5/6...

I took a step back from some care as I couldn’t do to much ...

Last week I spent a week alone with the baby so we could have bonding time... it was ok but I became aware he wouldn’t snuggle in for a cuddle. Or if I held him he kept his arms up to stop us being close and keeps his head on my arm... he won’t snuggle in. He won’t let me put him down but also won’t snuggle... holding him is so hard... I feel we have no bond no matter how hard I try....

What am I doing wrong? Will he never want to cuddle me ?

It sounds like you’ve had a really hard start. I’m so sorry. You aren’t doing anything wrong I’m sure.

My first baby was identical. No cuddles at all. In fact he actively lent away from me. When he cried he went stiff as a board and never moulded into me like other people’s babies. I felt very rejected but after many months of worry it became clear it was just his temperament.

He is now the most cuddly and affectionate 3 year old. Bright, confident and strong but will only hug etc on his terms (quite right!) Please don’t worry.

I managed it all by laying my son down, leaning over him and singing etc from a slight distance. We engaged emotionally rather than physically and that helped massively. He was an early giggler and talker and our bond came from these shared times rather than snuggles.

Hope you’re okay. It will get easier. You’ve been through a lot x

2 weeks prior to delivery I got a bad leg due to the weight of the pregnancy so I lost my ability to walk. I was told it would get better but it still hasn’t.

I had a c section day 1 I went home 3 hours later I started to be sick horribly sick... someone touched my bowel and it gave up working ... once fixed I was sent home...

But I’ve since had two stomach infections

I’ve wanted to be a parent for so so long and struggled to conceive. I’m heartbroken to realise he may not want to ever hug me... I’ve longed for it for so so long... I know you say we’re have an emotional bond... and cuddles may come in time but I’m gutted I have to wait

Please don't think that just because he's difficult now that he'll never be affectionate. I adopted my lg at 9MO so establishing the affection was also difficult for us. My advice would be don't force it on him but take it where you can get it and you'll probably find that things improve. Baby massage is brilliant and you can sneak it into bathtime and changing routines. Also sneaking touch into little fun fgames eg lifting him in the air and sneak in a few kisses/cuddle after it or games like this little piggy/round and round the garden. Anything that will sneak gentle touch and eye contact into his play basically. I'd also consider getting a sling. Wonderful for again getting that close contact. I really wouldn't worry too much though. He is very young and there's plenty of time to introduce him to touch and cuddling etc. Mine is 2.5 now and she still likes things on her terms but is a real cuddlebug and displays genuine affection and empathy. Don't get stressed or take it personally as this will only make it more difficult to establish these connections but don't give up either. He needs those cuddles and so do you and they WILL come x

My little girl was the exact same! People would bang on about how you should 'wear your baby' or say they've been cuddling all morning etc. My little girl didn't particularly like being held. She was only happy when she was lying in her bean bag or bouncer etc. She was happy to get cuddled in for a feed but she would cry if you held her any longer than necessary, I was a bit offended by it! 🙈 😂

She's just turned 2 last week and she is sooooo cuddly now.

Thank you all... I tried the sling he screamed so much...
he will lay on me for a bottle feed so there is time together there and result 9/10 in asleep on me. I kiss him loads even if he doesn’t seem to like it.

It’s odd he seems to want to be cuddled but at the same time doesn’t like a cuddle. When we put him to sleep in his crib he cries to be held for a cuddle but then hates to snuggle. Am I making sense ?

If she cries when put down in crib, she may have reflux or wind that is making her uncomfortable.

That aside, my baby was6very cuddley when he was a baby, but he is 4 now and will say most days "mummy, I'll be a baby" and want to be cuddled, carried, rocked, burped, spoon fed, dressed etc as if he is role playing the baby years to catch up on all the cuddles he missed then.