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Behaviour/development

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Inconsolable meltdown at preschool

7 replies

leah1991 · 26/01/2021 07:45

Has anyone else had a call from preschool staff saying they need to go and get their 2 year old because they are having a really bad tantrum?
I got the call yesterday and I ran over there and my 2.3 dd was in their toilets laying on the floor screaming and wouldn't let anyone pick her up. Due to covid parents are not allowed in but this time they had to make an exception. My daughter wouldn't walk to get her coat and shoes on. I just about managed to get her shoes on and had to give up with the coat which wasn't a big deal as I live across the road. She kept writhing out of my arms while I was knelt on the floor and she threw herself on the floor shouting and kicking her legs. The staff said she had an accident (I'm toilet training her) and she started to go into a meltdown because she didn't want them to get her changed. She was in dry underwear and trousers when I got there so they must of managed of to do it before she got inconsolable. The other parents were lined up outside to pick up their children watching me trying to console a toddler whose tantrum was so bad she probably didn't know how to stop. I had to pick her up and juggle her things at the same time while she was shouting and writhing about in my arms. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I have no idea what was wrong with her or why it got so bad there. It went on for an extra hour when I got home. She needed a bath because she's had another accident, both types and rolled about in some mud in the garden shouting. I thought there no point with naughty step because she's worked herself up so much she and I don't know what's wrong. I negotiated with her to get in the bath, which by then she started to calm down and ignore me to play with her toys. But everytime I tried to clean her she said no. Talk about a conflict of her needs with her interests, bit of a tricky one. Her language hasen't developed properly, it's only random single words so she can only understand my negotionation through the simplest of forms, bribery or I take something. Bribery I'm not the biggest fan of so I took her toy and said mummy is asking you to get in the bath or let me wipe you up because you covered in poo, mud and wee. I know you want to play but it's very important you are clean or your skin will get sore, so please get into the bath or let me wipe yoi then you can have your toy after. I gestured with baby wipes and pointed to the bathroom while I said all this and eventually she stopped being defiant and got on the bath by herself. She was happy as Larry afterwards. I just wish I knew why she had a meltdown at preschool that bad. I feel really bad for them and wonder what the other parents thought of me. Have I done something wrong in raising her? Am I terrible mum? These may sound ridiculous but I'm a first time mum and generally anxious and unconfident.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/01/2021 08:39

All toddlers have tantrums and if anyone judges you for this, then they're not the kind of person you probably want to be around anyway so please stop worrying about the other parents.

If her speech is limited, I'd concentrate on that. Tantrums usually subsided here once they were able to express themselves better.

ICan have some useful progress checkers and some tips on improving her speech.

I'd also cut down on what you're saying to her. I think in the tt and bath case "if you want the toy, please get in the bath" would have been enough.

How is she today?

leah1991 · 26/01/2021 12:58

Hiyah Smile thanks for your reply. She is really happy today. I think your right about her speech, once it improves she will be able to express herself better. I am a terrible one for always worrying what others think ha ha! There haven't been any tantrums at all today. At least its the first time she's had a major meltdown at preschool.

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surreygirl1987 · 26/01/2021 23:26

My 2 year old also has meltdowns. Sometimes he can't calm himself down and I can't calm him down either. They don't go on for hours but they're pretty bad and he gets inconsolable and aggressive! I'd start to worry if tantrums over an hour long become a regular occurrence but infrequently, or even frequent short tantrums, are fine according to my HV ( my son had his 27 month review the other day). Tantrums are also really common with frustration at lack of communication so that night improve soon. You sound like a great mum :)

leah1991 · 27/01/2021 06:49

Hi surreygirl1987

Thanks for your reply Smile luckily it's that first time she's had a tantrum like that over there. She has had the mini ones there's through not wanting to share but this was the first big one. When they called me and said I have to go and collect her I was mortified Shock i know they have to deal with this kind of stuff on a daily basis but you still feel bad for the staff. She's got school again this morning, so fingers crossed. I make sure she's had enough sleep, eaten enough and is and happy before she goes do hopefully that's enough this time ha ha! Thank you for your kind words, it's so easy to doubt yourself being a good mother xxx

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leah1991 · 27/01/2021 06:50

Was meant to say clean and happy lol

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Jannt86 · 27/01/2021 07:58

Hmmmm. I'm not sure I'd be too impressed at them calling you to get her because she's having a tantrum 🤨 Let you know and give you the option if she's really distressed but they're paid to look after their children. Unless the child is posing a significant safety threat to the staff or other children I'm not sure there's grounds for basically refusing to see their contract of care through.

I wouldn't personally be able to continue taking my dd to a nursery like this. I take her to nursery because I need to work at the end of the day. Also all she's going to learn is that if she screams hard enough she'll get picked up by mummy. That's quite an unhelpful pattern to get into especially if she's at nursery because you're at work

I hope this was a one off and you can sort it xx

leah1991 · 27/01/2021 11:34

Hi Jannt86

I get what your saying Smile but this tantrum was really bad. She was throwing herself on the floor and nearly hitting her head from doing it, running away from everyone and shouting. I understand why they called as they are not allowed to man handle or be forceful in any way. I used to be a carer and I know also you are not allowed to do this. Luckily I don't have to work as my husband had a really good job and it didnt make sense for me to go back to do a minimum wage job. It's the first time they called me so not too bad. I think the preschool is excellent and I can't fault that staff. Sometimes kids just have meltdowns for any unknown reason.

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