2 year old behaviour

[SarahDay1990]

Hi all
My DD is 2.2 years old. I don’t even know where to start but I’m really struggling. She was a tricky baby - cried a lot very sensitive very demanding. But lately her behaviour is just beyond....it’s 9am and she’s already screamed the house down 3 times - when I say tantrums I mean epic throwing herself on the floor kicking tantrums hitting and Screaming. I even took her to the doctor as I’ve convinced myself she’s unwell - only to be told she’s absolutely fine. Everything is a battle everything ends in tears - I’m the mum at the park whose child is kicking and screaming. I just don’t know what to do. Even to get her Dressed and out of the door Ends in so many tears. Brushing her teeth ends in about 30 mins of screaming.’I have no joy. I hate every second. I’m on medication for PND and I had been doing so well but this phase is getting me down. I should also say she hasn’t eaten a proper meal in over a week. I thought teething but I can’t see anything and no other teething symptoms. She’s so sensitive to every little thing - if she’s tired or hungry it’s the end of the world. She nags me constantly and I’m literally living on edge. If she asks for something and I don’t jump immediately she will scream and that screaming fit will
Go on and on so I’ve got the point where I literally jump to her tune just to avoid all the screaming. I’m exhausted. I’ve tried everything - giving her options, giving her control, giving her notice about what we’re doing next, ignoring her, trying to distract but literally nothing works. I know there’s no miracle answer or cure - but I just felt like I needed to share it. I talk to my husband but he doesn’t really understand and I find most days I just sit crying. I’m a SAHM so find being stuck in so draining - I try to be positive around DD so that she doesn’t pick up on how I feel but she’s just such a handful and so miserable. I feel like I can’t do anymore....

Hi, i’m afraid I can’t help as I’m about to write a similar post about my 3 year old, but a lot of things sound similar so you aren’t the only one going through this.
The only thing I would say that is positive in my case is childcare - I think my daughter thrives at nursery and thats the only aspect of our lives going well at the moment. Is that an option?

Thank you for your reply...as a SAHM childcare isn’t an option. I don’t think lockdown helps as we are stuck at home but it’s just so hard. I feel like I don’t know how to raise her or parent her. I’m just exhausted...

Hi SarahDay1990

My daughter is 2.3. I could of written your post myself. I feel like I'm totally failing as a mother most of the time now. I know how you feel. Hang on in there, they test the boundaries at this age and your patience. It is difficult, I know. I'm so glad I read your post. I've been really upset lately feeling like my child is the only one who does these things, even the not eating alot. She has tantrums at preschool too, she only goes 2 mornings a week but we have to pay, we are not entitled to the funding. But boy, do I need those 2 mornings to myself ha ha! I can't imagine what the preschool staff think of my child and my mothering skills. It's all normal behaviour for them at this age, you are doing great. It's a learning curve for them and us. If you ever want to talk I'm here xxxxx

Do you take her out every day to get a good amount of exercise?

Yes we go out each day but even that is exhausting - she nags me constantly to go out and then it always ends in tears when we’re out She needs to be on the go constantly - she will never just sit and home and play with her toys we have to be doing something all the time

My DD is 2.4 and exactly the same. Always on the go and very strong willed and tantrums are just zero to 100 in a second, which hasn’t been helped by her baby brother arriving 10 days ago. Definitely a normal toddler phase that is just so draining! The only thing that I have found that makes me feel more in control is picking my battles and sticking to the options/saying no regardless of how much she screams and shouts. I have also found that the more consistent that I’ve been (ie giving 2 options for getting dressed/lunch etc or once I say no meaning it) that she has started to get the idea that no matter how much she screams and shouts she isn’t going to get her own way. She still has the tantrums but they are starting to get gradually shorter!

I have no advice but I'm in the same boat. Mine drives me to tears. I have shouted at him recently and feel awful for doing it. I'm trying to balance him and my 3 month old daughter and its savage.

So much of what you say rings true. If we are drawing, basically he wants me to draw stuff for him. 'Blue bunny', 'big cow with horns'. I have to practically force him to colour them in. He changes his mind about what he wants to do every 60 seconds. Im exhausted.

You arent alone.

I've got the same with my 20 month old. I get embarrassed by how demanding she is. I look upon the other calm toddlers in the playground who are just standing watching something for ten minutes whilst she has dragged me around every piece of equipment twice and tried to escape out of the gate a few times, in that time. I long for an easy child. I'm so scared to have any more in case they are the same. She goes to nursery and is good as gold but won't follow any of my instructions any more. The only peace I get is when my mum will have her for a weekend when I'm at the end of my rope. I'm seperated from her dad who is in another country and he said he was the same as a child and it is just in the genes and nothing I can do about it. We are gonna try again because I just cannot do it alone with a personality like hers. I completely know what you mean about jumping to the demands because of the screaming. I'm trying herbal remedies for patience for both of us as if I have to say no another twenty times an hour I will scream.

Do you have room in your backyard for a trampoline?

She sounds like my DD too, spirited. There is a book called 'Raising Your Spirited Child' that I've found useful for strategies. Also 'How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen' as well. I would say around the 2 yr mark she started to understand better that no meant no though and tantrums started to reduce in length for the most part so your DC may come to that point soon too. I think being consistent is important and also picking your battles. It must be awful with the lockdown though, we had a bad day with DD yesterday (she will be 3 in the summer) and both DH and I were home and we both work and she is in childcare 4 days a week. So I can't imagine being home all day with her, to be honest by the time she was a few months old I knew I couldn't be a SAHM to her, it was definitely never an option for us. Maybe that is something you should consider as well, whether it's the best option for you both.