HELP!!! I cant cope with DD much more :-( bit of a rant - sorry !

[SHAZxMAC]

She totally ignores everything i say!

I have a DS who is 10 weeks and DD is 20 months.

I try my hardest to give her lots of attention/time but on the occassions where i simply can't and have to get stuff done she is soooooooo naughty.

For example - im feeding DS and DD decides to get some books to look at.....Brill = then she rips all the pages out one by one - i ask her to stop, she smiles and does it some more - so i raised my voice - she said 'go go go' and waves at me to go away. Then i tried to distract her with he favourite DVD but she kept on so i took away the books and gave her some other toys.

Then she started, threw herself on floor screaming, crying, kicking and wouldnt let me near her.

sooooo. time out i thought?

i put her on a spot for time out - she got up - i put her down, she got up and said 'again' - she thought it was hilarious - 15 minutes later shes still laughing histerically and i realiseshes probably forgotten why im doing it.

So... back to baby - then she comes n hits baby on the head! time-out is hysterical, i put her in her cot - she laughs and says go go go - Nothing bothers her at all.

Is she too young to discipline do you think? What should i have done different? Terrible twos?

Its driving me crazy - theres another 6 hours until DH home and i cant cope - i dont drive, cant go out, have done no washing/housework etc for ages..... cant put DS down as hes really unsettled n crying all the time (docs appt later with DH)- dreading making lunch already!!!!!!!!!!

She is desperatly trying to get your attention. Too young for discipline and it is really hard, I know.

It does get easier.

Could you have her up beside you with books when you are feeding the baby?

Thank you - i tried to get her to sit with me but she wont sit still - she starts bouncing on the sofa n then i get scared she'll land on DS

I know she is a bit little for it (deep sympathy, BTW - mine are further apart precisely because I knew I wouldn't be able to cope), but any chance you could find her an "important job" to do which would keep her in sight but not on top of LO?

She sounds like very hard work. My word, you have your work cut out for you!!
I agree, its probobly all down to the arrival of the baby, and she is jealous, and doesnt know how to deal with it. Probobly is a combination of terrible twos and jealousy.

I have to say though, i would of been furious if my dd had sat ripping out pages from the books. I wouldnt of asked her to stop or tried distracting her, id of been mad immediately. It sounds as though you offered her a reward for doing that by offering her to watch her favourite dvd! Id of banned her favourite dvd not let her watch it.

I dont think there is a miricle cure im afraid. My dd1s behaviour went drastically downhill when dd2 arrived. They are 7&4 now and she has (dd1) adopted the role of the "naughty one" in our family.

Can she go out for a few hours regularly to give you a break? Playgroup or another family memeber? or maybe a day nursery? It might help to give her something else to think about, and might go some way to realise she cant behave in certain ways with you or with another, ie they back up your discipline of her behaviour.

Oh, i didnt realise she was that young.

But even so, id would of been cross about the book thing, not offered a reward, as it seems to have been.

And, OP seems like she needs a break. Baby screams 24/7 and dd1 is playing up too. If she could get a couple of hours respite it would make her stronger to be able to cope with her imo. Also, she would feel like she has spent her time with the baby and more willing to spend time with the older one?

They really are hard work when not getting the attention aren't they?
My DS is 3.5 and I've just only summond the courage the have another baby!

The only think I can think of is distraction, for BOTH OF YOU.

Weather permitting, put baby in sling and go out for walk & playground time.
When DS was that age, although did not have baby in tow, I did this every afternoon because he gave up his naps very early and was bouncing off the walls by mid afternoon and me at wits ends about what activity to do next.

Fresh air and change of scenery/exercise is great in those tense situations. And she gets the chance to play with other kids (interraction with someone other than you! honestly, I think they sometimes get enough of us)

Try and find local morning playgroups with your council/local churches etc...
That gives her a chance to let off steam and you a little respite and an occasion to meet other mums going through the same phase?

Good luck, like everything else with DCs, try and remember it's just a phase.
take care

Just wanted to add about the disciplining bit.

Of course you need to think about it, but I think this may not be the ideal time to focus on it as you are already struggling and tired and you are bound to give in and thus send mixed/confusing message. Better diffuse situation and change the subject than dwell on it and both get all worked up.

I think distraction better for now and when you are well settled with baby's routine you can think of a plan and be firm and consistent.

take care

Thanks everyone - took your advice n went to the park for hal hour and it seems to have done the trick - DD finally sat watching DVD and DS not screaming at the minute!

Im glad what you've said about the discipline - cause i believe that maybe she is too young.

It is hard when in certain situations you have no idea how to resolve them and i would do anything just to stop the mayhem!

The DVD thing for example, i know that if i had the time to give DD attention so we could colour/read together she would never dream of ripping pages out of books - so i thought if i could distract her til i was free to play??

It seems at the moment that whenever i have finished what i am doing - by the time i go to get a drink etc. ill look at the clock and time for the next feed!

I knew it would be hard - but am just unsure about DD as im not sure how much she understands yet.

I attempted a tumbletots group once (never again!) and to be honest thats kind of put me off. I dont like the way that the mum and baby groups (around me - no everywhere i know) seem to be a competition for the mums and don't like the way they look down on you.

DD has always been a really forward, well behaved girl - so maybe thats why it is such a shock to me to see her this way - it seems that she has changed overnight¬ When DS initially arrived she coped really well and didnt' demand attention at all - its just the past two weeks or so.

Im sure i will get used to it

Only a few more hours til DH home

Maybe she will take a nap after lunch

Hi I have the same age gap as you - 2 boys now 2.9 and 13 months - I found the key in the early days was involving ds1 as mucha spossible helping me - fetching nappies, helping with washing away etc - and making feeding time something special - would sit next to him and read, watch cbeebies, or feed at teh table so he could mess around with playdough, blocks etc but I was there with him. Also needed to get out of house every day. It does get easier - they occupy each other now - I just have to referee!

Thank you Katylou - it is reassuring to know that there is an end to it!

I think i will definately make the effort to go out during the day when the weather is fine - and may just have to leave the housework etc until we are in a bit more of a routine - i thought at least if DS was sleeping some of the day we'd be ok - but he is so unsettled he doesnt' give me a minute really!

I feel sorry for DH cause he gets in from work and kind of gets the kids flung at him to take over for a bit lol

Everybody told me it would be hard as hell in the early days - but well worth it in the long run!

Thank you everyone for your advice and support and helping me get through today!

Hi Sounds like you've had a stinker of a day!

I'm in the same position - 10wk old baby and an 18mth toddler and what a shock its been

Can only echo some of the comments today in that I find playgroups are invaluable - and I know what you mean about the competition but just keep telling yourself that you're there for your little girl and just smile broadly at all the yummy-mummies

And... fresh air and a change of scenery are great for you all - most days I'm so tired that I feel like crying at the thought of loading up the kids and heading out - but I do and feel so much better for it when I get home.

As for keeping my toddler occupied - I have yet to crack that one!

It's really bloody hard isn't it? I have 30 month gap between mine (baby is now nearly five months) and it feels like the few moments of downtime that I used to carve out of the day have just vanished. DD1 is mostly gentle and loving with DD2, but she definitely kicks off a lot more generally - from attention seeking to continually trashing the house, her clothes, etc so that the chores are tripled. I find the only way to survive is to leave as much housework as possible for the evenings / weekends (and I'm talking basic keeping clothes clean / kitchen sink cleared, not scrubbing-taps-with-toothbrush here) and spend the days at the library, playground, toddler groups etc. It helps a bit, but I still often have moments when I feel WHY am I doing this? Then they'll do something cute and I remember...