Child "touching" herself - is this 'normal' HELP!

[Idontknowhowtodothis]

My partners 7yo daughter has recently started touching herself. We walked in on her on the sofa with her hands in her trousers and knickers, rubbing her private parts with some... vigor. We were absolutely speechless and sort of backed out of the room, and discussed whether we thought we'd seen the same thing. It hadn't happened again until last night when I thought I'd heard the neighbours crashing about and went upstairs to check it hadn't woken her, to find the noise was coming from her violently rubbing her hot water bottle between her legs. I was home alone, as my partner (her dad) was at work, so I closed the door, went back downstairs and called up to "check she was ok". I don’t want to approach the subject alone, as I dont feel its my place.
His daughter has a very settled routine here, even in lockdown as we are both keyworkers so she has remote learning, and then school two days a week. She has a set bed time, and boundaries. However, from what she tells us, life is very chaotic at mummy's. (My OH has 50/50 custody) she falls asleep on the sofa and gets carried to bed, or spends the night on the sofa, watches TV far too old for her (she knows the theme song for Mrs Brown's Boys - we don't watch it) and plays age inappropriate games on the xbox ("when me and mummy shoot zombies, she says they're you and daddy")
This sudden and overtly sexual behaviour is concerning. I work with those sentenced at her majesty's pleasure, so I'm worried I'm automatically assuming the worst. Is she just a very early developer?

She probably does it because it feels nice. Direct her to her bedroom as its not appropriate for public areas.

But 7 just feels so young for her to be doing this... I know kids explore, but this seems to have some real 'intent' behind it if that makes sense?

They don't known its sexual at that age. They just know it feels nice. You seem determined to think there's something dodgy going on

Wow, Im only asking! As i just in the original post, I work with the absolute worst of society. I know what people are capable of. I've never raised a 7 year old, and this is new and sudden behaviour, and I'm more looking for reassurances that its "just a phase".
Her dad feels uncomfortable approaching the subject and as I said, I feel like its not my place to bring it up with her.
You've made me feel a proper idiot for asking for advice.

I dont know 7 seems very young??? At 7 I remeber feeling something weird down there but never connected it to my vagina, I never understood that stuff one bit. I started to figure that stuff out at around 13..
Seems strange to me how not only is she going at it, but it sounds intense why does she understand it? Does she have access to the internet where she could be looking at porn? :/

Your not an idiot for asking, I dont know much about this stuff but if it happened to my daughter.. at 7 I'd be asking too.

Thank you, there's a strong possibility of her having Internet access, and she's very mature for her age (only child in both homes and has mostly adult company) I'm sure it is just something she's discovered organically, its just her dad and I feel uncomfortable approaching the subject individually. Him because is a "girl thing" me, because she's not my daughter, but any suggestions of how to do it as a "team" would be gratefully welcome!

It’s the most normal thing in the world. She’s found something that feels nice. I don’t think there is anything strange in that personally but I understand it’s hard to know how to approach it with her as it’s probably better that she does it in private. I reckon don’t make a big thing out of it. It’s not shameful (I know you aren’t saying it is but you certainly don’t want her to think it is at any point as that would be so damaging.)

I don’t get all the references to prison inmates/worst of society etc? Not being goady honestly. Masturbating is very natural, it’s not deviant. She is unlikely to be linking it to anything remotely sexual. Most of my female friends have said they found their bodies at a similar age. Didn’t become sexual until later, was just a nice feeling etc.

OP - self-exploration of this nature is fairly common in this age group. You may find the Brook Traffic Light tool useful to see what is considered to be of concern at different stages. This is used as a screening tool by professionals.
legacy.brook.org.uk/brook_tools/traffic/Brook_Traffic_Light_Tool.pdf

(I have training in managing harmful sexual behaviours in children and young people)

Foreverbaffled- I wasn't for one moment suggesting her behaviour is "wrong" but I have worked with people who have groomed and abused children, hence my comment, so I think that's where my need for reassurance that this is just normal early development, rather than her being exposed to sexual behaviours. I just don't remember being quite so young when I discovered stuff like this... I was in double digits for sure!
I've ordered her an Usbourne book - very similar to one I remember having, for her to have a look through - if she wants to ask questions she can. I'm probably going to get ear ache from her mum, but I think this thread has cemented to me she's learning about her body and is curious!

@Idontknowhowtodothis I’m so sorry, I totally misunderstood what you meant (I have a newborn so blame sleep deprivation.) That sounds like a really good plan.

Oh bless you :)
Fingers crossed for some sleep! Thank you all for your advice!

There is absolutely nothing "odd" about this, and it isn't far too young either. She has realised it feels nice, she doesn't know she's masturbating, nor that it's anything sexual.
Why on earth anyone would jump to watching porn I have no idea.
It's incredibly natural and children realise this at different ages.
You need to sit quietly with her, and explain it's nothing to worry about, but that it's something we do in private and only for her to do. If a massive deal is made she will be ashamed and develop an unhealthy attitude to sex and her body as she grows up.
I understand it may have been shocking, but it's really not a big deal at all. A ten minute conversation and it's done.

The book is also a fantastic idea ☺️

Thank you, the book is ordered and will be here for her next week with us, ill leave it for her to have a look through and then bring the subject up when we can all have a chat about it. I think, as I said in my reply earlier, I've worked with groomers and the like and for her to go from Spirit the Horse to a little girl 'exploring' was a bit of a surprise and my work sadly makes me jump to the scary conclusions first. As I've said, thank you to everyone for putting my (and her dads) mind at ease xx

@Idontknowhowtodothis

Thank you, the book is ordered and will be here for her next week with us, ill leave it for her to have a look through and then bring the subject up when we can all have a chat about it. I think, as I said in my reply earlier, I've worked with groomers and the like and for her to go from Spirit the Horse to a little girl 'exploring' was a bit of a surprise and my work sadly makes me jump to the scary conclusions first. As I've said, thank you to everyone for putting my (and her dads) mind at ease xx

You sound like great parents op 💗good luck x

Agree my dd is 8 and recently started running herself on pillows in her room ect.

I was the same! I freaked out but I googled the life out of it, and the one thing I will say jt after much panic and anxiety lol is it’s completely normal for that age.

She may have been sat once and it’s felt nice that’s all it takes.

I spoke to my dd and just explained it is something she should do in private as it’s her private area and I’ve never commented or caught her again (she will still be doing it).

Please don’t worry.

*rubbing not running

Think this is normal for some kids, depending on development. It will feel nice. Don't make a big deal of it, justtell her that those are her private parts, so she should only touch them in her own somewhere private.

Yes it's normal I would reassure her of that, just that it's private and she needs to do it in private.
I think you're right to at least consider if there is anything else going on: early sexualised behaviour can be a red flag of something inappropriate going on.
Her dad can of course approach her about this, it's her body, not just 'girls stuff' but I can also understand him being apprehensive.
She needs to know all her feelings are normal and as long as things feel good not worrying her it's all good. Hopefully the book will open a dialogue.
She's lucky to have you!