Consequences

[NAB3]

So far we have used the step and corner
Sent to their rooms
Not allowed tv or computer

Nothing works - any more ideas please? TIA.

I made my kids sound awful then, didn't I? I could cry as I love them so much.

aww Nab they can drive you mad, I know. How many kids have you got?

At first, don't reward the non-existent good behaviour then. Reward absolutely anything that resembles one second of peace.

Give a marble for SOMETHING. Make it your mission to find something to reward. Kids do love to be praised and rewarded and will quickly forget that they've been a right pain all day if they get that puffed up feeling of having a reward!

Even the tiniest, tiniest thing could be rewarded at first in order to hopefully let them learn the message that this is what will happen if they keep behaving well.

NAB, with the marbles I start by giving them for anything eg if they say please, or if they do something I ask them to straightaway, I'll say something like 'Oh I am so, so pleased you took your shoes off at the door I am giving you 3 marbles. Well done!' It's amazing how positively they respond and it becomes a competition(in a nice way) to see who can earn another marble. The novelty does wear off, but is very effective at the start.

Your kids sound perfectly normal btw if mine are anything to go by.

Oh i have to really look for the good behaviour, it is there but you just oversee it as it is so insignificant in comparison to all the bad stuff.
Like for instance i praised dd1 yesterday for not making a fuss when asked to help her sister with the toothpaste tube. Tiny little thing, but was a step (baby step) in the right direction.
Im sure your dc can do good stuff you just dont see it.

Quite a few times I have said how nicely the older two have been playing together - then it kicks off so I wonder if I should have stayed quiet??

Oh yes, sometimes you have to choose ypur moment to reward them. I tend not to disrupt any peace and quiet at the time, i just remind them of it later.

I know that dilemma. However I do think you should always reward any positives when going through a rough patch with their behaviour.

Message withdrawn

HG I have 3 children.

Things have been much better this afternoon. I decided I would spend more time with the children and try harder to stay calm. They have had their moments but I stayed calm and it didn't escalate.

Thanks all. You gave me the push I needed and the confidence I could do it.

It is such a nice feeling saying yes!

DS2 did a wee on the potty so DS1 wanted to get him a chocolate button. DS1 found the choc coins a friend had brought and asked if they could have one. Bit late for choc as on their way to bed, but I said yes and explained it was because they had been good this afternoon. They had played nicely and helped and Mummy hasn't had to shout.

that's so lovely NAB. A manly pat on the back to you; because it's YOU that made the day nice today, you remained calm and positive. Just shows how important mums are.

Keep going, and hopefully it's an upward spiral as in, the more you can create this atmosphere the more the kids enjoy it and want to create it as well.

Glad the day ended well NAB

Kids really do feed off their parents. I do accept 100% responsibility for my children's behaviour but I don't seem to have any instincts as to what to do. My childhood was worse than I can even bare to think about and I am trying so hard to give my kids a good time, trying too hard with everything really, that I am knackering myself and doing the exact things I don't want to do, ie shouting, etc.

I know I don't sit with them enough so will try and do that more.

I tell you what NAB, I truly take my hat off to you for trying so hard with your kids, having had the sort of childhood you clearly did. It's VERY hard to know what to do for the best when you have not had a good role model. It is like working blind and feeling your way rather than having a clear feeling of "that's how you do it".

i think you are ACE to be breaking the cycle like this. Of course it's not easy but at least you have the intelligence and the gumption to see it's what needs to be done. Good on ya I say!

Thank you.

When I was a nanny it seemed to come naturally.

Right, I finally found some marbles today (not as nice colours as when I was a child) and have bought 2 jars to start putting them in. Will give DS1 three when he gets home for playing with DS2 when I asked him to this morning.

Any clues for what to say to DD as she will want some when her brother gets them?

I've started including DD age 2 when we are doing the marble jar. I'll just catch her doing something like using the potty and will immediately reward with a marble. You need to reward them straightaway for optimum impact. They love the sound of the marble dropping in the jar. However if we are out and they do something good I will say 'that's 2 marbles as soon as we get home'

Good luck!

Thank you.

Feeling proud of myself - see my last post on Parenting - How can I learn or something like that!!