High needs baby - does it get easier?

[Babyaug2020x]

My little boy will be 6 months old on 31st Jan, since birth he’s always been a very cry-y baby and was diagnosed with cmpa and reflux at 2 months old.

His symptoms have improved but he’s still super high needs and I’m finding it quite difficult.

He has to be constantly entertained but he loses interest within 5 mins, he’s close to crawling but he gets so frustrated when he can’t and will cry til I pick him up, won’t sleep or nap unless I’m lay next to him, and he will not nap at all for anyone else.

When he cries he can only be consoled by me. Even DH can’t get him to stop. He could be hysterical and the second I pick him up he’s fine. I love that he needs me but I’m struggling to even find time in the day to shower because I’m so worried about leaving him.

When he gets in a real state he holds his breath and it’s terrifying.

He was at his granny (my MIL) house a few days back while I did some work from home, he had a total meltdown and couldn’t be consoled so she rang me to come and get him. Again he stopped as soon as he saw me, but my MIL made quite a snappy rude comment saying I’ve obviously totally spoiled him and shouting that he’s so naughty to be going on like that and it isn’t normal and it really upset me.

Will he grow out of it? He’s a lovely little boy when he’s in a good mood, I feel like no one knows how to console him like I do, and only I seem to be able to tell when he’s had enough.

I dread taking him to see family at times because he cries so easily. I’m secretly glad for this recent lockdown just to give us some more space.

Your MIL is way out of line saying that you've spoiled him. You've responded to his needs and that will give you both a lovely bond.

I'd also be concerned that she got angry with him crying and called him naughty. He's not naughty. You are the Pearson he's relied on so far for comfort, it's only natural that he wants you.

Things will definitely get easier too.

At about this age my DH started getting them up in the morning and giving them breakfast. It gave them some time together and it gave me time to have a shower or sleep.

Don't be afraid to give him a big feed and nappy change and send them both out for a walk either when DH is home.

But yea, it's hard now but it definitely gets easier. My DS was just the same and it's a tough age but he gradually got into his own cot and starting dealing that other people could comfort him too.

He's a teen now and everyone says how lovely and relaxed and happy he is

How is his sleep? I had a high needs baby (total nightmare- probably one of the worst experiences of my life) and everything resolved once I had a proper sleep routine in place

This sounds EXACTLY like my first son and I would have loved lockdown to happen then so I didn't have to take him out in public! 🙈

Firstly, your MIL was so out of order. I'd definitely reconsider leaving him with her again. This is the exact reason I refused to leave my own high needs son with a childminder and chose a nursery instead - I would feel myself getting angry with my son sometimes so didn't trust anyone else... I wanted accountability. But that's a different story.

Some babies are just like that and it is NOT YOUR FAULT!! It's honestly nothing you've done or not done. My first son was sooooo difficult and my second one (currently 6 months actually!) is an angel baby. They couldn't be more different. Your MIL is talking nonsense and I'd expect a huge apology from her. (Though she was probably stressed and upset that she felt like she wasn't looking after him well.)

The good news is, it does get way way easier. My high needs baby (I found it easier to define him as 'spirited') improved hugely with every milestone. I never did get to shower unless my husband had him though 🙈 but he'd improved a lot between 7 and 10 months, and by 1 he was so much easier. Now he's 2 and he is such a delight. Huge huge personality, very stubborn and still likes to get his own way (I don't let him - he throws a tantrum) but usually the happiest most energetic and adventurous little boy you could ever meet. He's amazing and so well behaved (apart from the occasional tantrum). He took to nursery at 10 months brilliantly too. But he was so awful when he was little I found it really really tough and wondered why I'd drawn the short straw. I wish I knew what a great little boy he'd turn out to be then, and I wish you could too - I assure you he will be amazing and you will look back like I am!

Ways of coping with your son - find out what he likes and do it... A lot. My son liked being forward facing in the pram and carrier and was easier when on the move than when in the house... So we went out on two trips a day. It was exhausting but he was happier. Also, a napping routine was invaluable as a lot of his crankiness was tiredness. Interestingly he was also diagnosed with cmpa and reflux. He improved when given puramino (like neocate) at 7 months old and stopped breastfeeding but I don't think that was a silver bullet - his personality was just difficult.
Your bigger problem might be your MIL though.

Best of luck. Sorry for the long message... Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. I've been there;