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Socially anxious toddler

9 replies

Kroebero · 14/01/2021 09:30

Hi everyone just wanted to ask if anyone has experienced something similar to my daughter. I burst into tears this morning after dropping her nursery, will try to include as much info as possible:
She’s 3 years old, really sweet, a proper delicate soul. She loves playing with her dolls mostly, likes to sing but doesn’t know any lyrics to songs so it’s often just garbled words to tunes. She can be in her own little willed a lot, loves nothing more than setting up elaborate tea parties for her dolls and having conversations between them. She had inflamed tonsils for a long time as a baby, which she grew out of last year and that stopped her from speaking until age 2. It was a physical inability to talk according to the Dr and not lack of understanding. Her speech is very poor, she struggles to say full sentences but can make herself understood with single words quite well, she can now say “drink” or “wet” or “cold” or whatever she wants. She very loving and loves to curl up on my lap, cuddle and stroke my face. She kisses me a lot and says “I love you mummy” which is probably the longest sentence she can say, so she is affectionate. She’s my little best buddy honestly! Anyway, what’s really upsetting me is her anxiety around other kids her age. We have another daughter (age 2) who can talk as well as, if not better than, her and they play really well together at home. When I take them to nursery, the 2 year old is full of it, laughing, running through the door and trying to play with other kids. My 3 year old tho if h, she clenched up, stands by the door and looks scared. She doesn’t keep up with conversation with other kids her age and struggles to form friendships. I know she’s so young still but is there anything we can be doing to help her? She’s spent so long stuck at home this year that it’s really not helped things!!! Just managed to get first appointment with speech therapist starting in a few weeks. I dropped her to nursery this morning and saw her standing by there upset and it really just got to me!!

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/01/2021 08:28

I'd have a word with her key worker and ask if there is anything they can do to make her feel more settled Thanks

SuperSleepyBaby · 16/01/2021 22:36

I was very shy as a child - mute a lot of the time.

It is good you are organising speech therapy. Other than that I would just let your daughter clearly know you love her just the way she is. And let her know its ok to feel a bit nervous of other people - that everyone finds something hard. For her, knowing that you are behind her will boost her confidence.

My parents put such pressure on me to be sociable- and got frustrated with me because I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. Because of that I felt all throughout my childhood that there was something wrong with me - and I was always stressing myself trying to be the sociable person they wanted me to be.

I have had a really happy life other than that and am married now with children and a job i enjoy. I am still a quieter person but there is nothing wrong with that.

Kroebero · 16/01/2021 23:24

@SuperSleepyBaby oh we love her so much ❤️ She’s such a darling, really sweet natured, kind and loving. I don’t want to change her, I just want her to be happy and worry for her starting school in September. I want her to feel comfortable around other kids and to have friends - she doesn’t have to be anything other than herself though, I wouldn’t ever change her personality. She was selectively mite for a while and chooses who she speaks to, I’m just trying to encourage her to try talking to more people. It’s so hard to get it right.

OP posts:
SuperSleepyBaby · 16/01/2021 23:50

How do you encourage her to talk to other people?

SuperSleepyBaby · 16/01/2021 23:56

Some good advice here - www.nhs.uk/conditions/selective-mutism/

Kroebero · 16/01/2021 23:58

Well pre-Covid we had play dates which can’t happen at the moment. If we pass people we know on our walks around town I say “oh it’s X, say hello to X 👋” and I say hello. She will hide behind my legs and hold my hand. We do FaceTime friends and family and I do the same but she doesn’t talk on screen either. She will come in and show off her toys sometimes then disappear behind me again. Everyone is understanding and patient with her.

OP posts:
SuperSleepyBaby · 17/01/2021 00:31

I wouldn’t even tell her to say hello - just take all the pressure off her no matter how small the pressure. She will see you saying hello and learn that is what you are meant to do when you meet people.

I would wait until you get some proper advice - maybe from the speech and language therapist on how to handle it.

She is still very young and it is fine for her not to have great social skills yet or to feel nervous. She might well outgrow it - but if it continues it would be best to get professional advice.

Kroebero · 17/01/2021 00:39

Thank you, yes hopefully the therapist will be able to help! I appreciate your advice, thank you ❤️

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DaintyDaughter · 18/11/2022 12:49

Hi Kroebero,
How has your daughter got on in nursery?
My daughter is extremely sensitive and anxious in any social setting. She however suprised me and went to pre-school no problems just a few tears for the first week. However she does spend a lot of time at the colouring table as the teacher believes it is her 'safe zone' she needs encouragement to join in with others a lot and asks permission to move onto activities. I'm pleased that she enjoys going and never has an issue leaving me at the door (massive shock) but I feel that I need to do something to encourage her to join in with the other activities and be a bit more free. At home with me and Daddy she is a crazy loon but is very 'shy' as people put it around other people (unless she knows them well). Has your daughter settled ok? Do you know what she is like when she is there?

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