Anger issues - partner, affecting 4yo DS

[garden1234]

Grateful for some advice - my partner gets really angry with my 4 year old DS. For example - at lunch today, my son threw some food on the floor. My partner got really angry and shouted at him, swearing and saying the f word.

I told my partner to stop shouting and he got even more angry. I've tried telling him he has to deal with my son misbehaving in a different way, not getting angry but he doesn't listen to me.

My son then was really angry, shouting and saying the f word.

How can I stop my partner reacting with anger? I'm so concerned about my son.

His father incidentally was very angry with him, when he was a child so I'm worried that is a set pattern.

You won’t be able to change your partners behaviour, this is who he is. I think you know this. Unfortunately history tends to repeat in these cases.

My dad used to get like this at times- I am 42 now and I still think about it and it has had a bad effect on me.

Is your DH open to considering another way of parenting? This is a good book: ‘the Book you wish your parents had read’ by Phillipa Perry.

My advice would be to immediately dump a ‘man’ who tells your four year old to fuck off before his behaviour becomes even more abusive towards the poor little boy

No advice, just how sad how your partner is unable to break the cycle, he must know first hand how much irreparable damage his behaviour is causing :(

He should take a parenting course asap.

In the meantime, try telling him that when he starts to feel frustration or anger boiling up to please "tap out" and walk away, and let you deal with the situation.

This is so sad for your son. I think you should get rid of the partner ASAP

I think you know the answer to this one :(

What will happen, is your son will grow up an aggressive and they will be two against one on you. I have seen some very horrendous outcomes of this scenario.

Please fo your sake and the one of your child, ask the man to leave. He is a bad example and he is danger to both of you.

Thank you everyone for your help! AuntyJack - thank you, this is working - he does now try to leave the room when he starts to feel angry and I'm looking for a parenting course.

I'm wondering if he has depression? He has suffered with this in the past and I've read that anger, irritability and poor sleep, also headaches are all signs of this. I'm going to suggest he sees a GP.