Feel like I'm going mad, struggling to cope

[firsttimebabymama2020]

Not sure why I'm posting but my almost 7 month old ds has always been happy and slept not brilliantly but ok. Weaning recently has been a disaster though and whilst other babies around us are making good progress with it, he isn't interested and refuses food. I know people say 'before one is just for fun' but there's been no progress at all despite lots of good variation and I'm worried he'll never want to eat. It all ends up in the bin. He's still solely breastfed and I'm so exhausted. The last couple of weeks though he is barely napping, waking up every half an hour or so in the night and I'm turning to feeding him in desperation just for sleep and ending up with him in my bed. He's irritable in the day too, probably because he's tired so not interested in playing and I'm so worried I'm boring him and hindering his development, especially in lockdown. I feel like I've lost my confidence with it all totally and I don't know how to improve his sleep, feeding etc and where I'm going wrong but feel like a failure.

Oh honey!

It sounds like you’ve got an awful lot going on here. But most importantly, you are NOT a failure. It is clear from your post that you are a very caring and loving parent who puts their baby first. Your baby is incredibly lucky to have a mummy who worries and cares about his welfare so deeply.

First off, I’d say you need some support. Do you have anyone who could help you?

Sleep. You need sleep. What is your sleeping set up? We have the cot set up like a giant next to me so baby can crawl in and out/I can roll him in and out as we please so I don’t actually have to get up, but he is safe. Could you try this?

As for food....it can be so hard! I’m not sure how you feel about formula use from your post, but would you consider one bottle before bed to give you at least a chunk of sleep? I used to do it and found that if I got that first few hours in I could cope with the rest of the night. It may also help baby to break this cycle of overtiredness

I mean, I agonised over the bottle but looking back now it was the best thing for us at the time.

Whatever you decide to do, remember that you are an amazing Mum and this WILL pass, I promise!

Hi OP, replying to give this a bump for you. I'm a first time mum too, so I don't think I can give you any kind knowledgeable advice. What I do know is that all babies are different, please don't compare your baby to others, 7 months is still young to get going on weaning. You sound like you're right in the middle of sleep deprivation at the moment too, and that will be making the weaning feel much more pressurised. I would do what you need to do to get through this difficult sleep patch ( at 7mo my breastfed baby wakes sometimes hourly, and still needs at least 3 feeds per night, and he's a good eater in the day, so having solids wouldn't necessarily change that). Co sleeping is a god send when they're waking so much in the night. Can you help baby catch up on sleep for naps with long walks in the pram? Once you're both a bit less sleep deprived, come back to the feeding again. I don't know what kind of approach you're going with, but there's a baby led weaning insta account called "solidstarts" which I think is really good at giving relaxed food ideas, and the woman behind it comes from experience of having a baby that didn't feed well.

I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be along, but truly try not to worry and I hope you get some better sleep soon

Thanks so much @Eggcellent29 and @FiloPastryMaker. I really appreciate your responses. I have added that Instagram account now and had a better day yesterday with slightly better naps. My ds had been moved to a cot in his own room over Christmas but apart from the first night when he slept fairly well, the next few nights were terrible and I became so exhausted that we brought him back into his next to me crib next to my bed where he's been sleeping since. He's ended up in our bed often though as he seems to sleep so much better there although I do worry I'm making a rod for my own back getting into bad habits. I always said I wouldn't do that but when you are exhausted and the baby needs comforting you do anything. Last night he stayed in his next to me until 5:30am though which is progress. I am panicking that I need to get into more of a routine though with the naps, sleeping and get him into his own room now that he is 7 months and learning to self soothe which I know a lot of babies do and perhaps would mean more sleep.
As for feeding, I will try and not stress about that as hopefully he will build more of an appetite over the next few weeks. Fingers crossed anyway as right now everything goes in the bin. Thank you again.

Honestly, you do not need to worry about bad habits etc!

Baby will not still want to sleep in your bed when he is 18. He will leave when he is ready and as long as you are happy with that, don’t let anyone else make you feel badly about it.

My son is 10 months and I’m always asked when he’s going to move into his own room. I just say I don’t know and move on. The answer is probably not for a very long time but I LOVE co sleeping. And so does he, he sleeps 12/13 hours a night. Why the fuck would I change that?! 😂

Personally, I think self soothing is a myth. The idea that babies should be independent boggles my mind. They’re BABIES. Who decided that it’s ok for them to rely on you to support them with eating, drinking, bathing, clothing, housing, etc etc but NOT with sleeping? Ridiculous.

I don’t think we got a nap routine going until about 8 months and even now it’s not set times - it’s just two naps a day of varying length at roughly the same time of day (I guess within a two hour window)

There are so many expectations around baby sleep and 99% of them are horse shit.

You know your baby and you know yourself. If it works for you and is done safely then it is fine, I promise you!

On the food thing, are you doing blw or purées?