3 year old behaviour.. please help :(

[Heymumma29]

I’m at my wits end with my DD and I just don’t know what to do. She is the loveliest, sweetest, kind hearted little girl- but when she turns I can’t explain to you how bad it can get. Screaming, kicking, shouting, hitting things, writhing around like she’s possessed. She is so stubborn and strong willed and just doesn’t listen when we ask her to do anything. Last night she woke up at 2am and refused to back to sleep.. after 3hrs and about 50 attempts, I just gave up. How I kept it calm that long I don’t know. There was a lot of slamming doors from everyone, DH giving up and going downstairs and she ended up in our bed with me just to get a tiny bit more sleep (which we said all along wasn’t happening). It’s just getting out of hand. She is a young 3- end of august and starts school in September and honestly I just don’t know if she will handle it if her emotions stay like this. I’m at my wits end and don’t know how to discipline her or make her understand how she behaves is wrong.

The pandemic hasn’t helped as has limited her contact with other people.. she’s always been clingy to me but now it’s another level and she never lets DH near when she’s wound up leaving it all in my shoulders.

Any help will be much appreciated!

Bless you this does sound very difficult. I think most are a handful at this age but this does sound especially rough. Mine is 3 in March and swiftly becoming a sassy little threenager! I'm afraid for now we just let her come into our bedroom at night as it's just not worth the battle right now. We aim to tackle this and the dummy soon but we are very aware that this pandemic has affected her probably more than we realise and we are going easy for now.

It's a big decision but I believe that you can request that your child starts school the following year when their birthday is so close to the start of year. It's perhaps worth at least considering and discussing with nursery but remember that she has almost a year before this point to mature emotionally. It probably also depends on what she's like in the nursery setting? Her nursery staff will be able to give their opinions on this

As for behaviour in general I've recently started reading a book called 'how to talk so little kids will listen' which was recommended to me after I had my own rant on here haha. It's such simple things that the book suggests but honestly they do work. I'm not doing some of the more elaborate stuff suggested like drawing pictures and making lists etc as I think it's a bit beyond what my dd needs right now but some of the very simple and subtle language changes etc that it suggests have honestly been so helpful.

Just stay calm. It won't be forever x

Thank you so much for responding. It’s so strange, when she’s at nursery she honestly is good as gold and they’ve all said that they can’t ever imagine her having any sort of tantrum at all, which makes me feel that it’s me who is the catalyst while she’s at home :(

I try to stay so patient with her but sometimes I feel that I am fighting a losing battle. Between trying to discipline and teach her consequences, but also trying to make life easier. Just feels like the walls are closing in sometimes.

She is very mature for her age and very head strong, I really don’t want to hold her back as I know that she will be amazing academically I just get concerned about her emotions. I just can’t understand why it’s such a switch when she’s at home, makes me feel like an awful mum.

I actually have that book but never got past chapter one, maybe I’ll keep going and give it another try, thank you for your advice I really appreciate it xx

Honestly I know it might be a bit hurtful but I'd take that as a massive positive that she gets on well at nursery and wouldn't be so worried about her starting school. Tbh mine is like the duracell bunny at home haha. Will often be jumping from one thing to another at frustrating rates. However on her 2Y check nursery noted 'paying attention' as one of her strengths which I raised an eyebrow to lol... They're totally different creatures at nursery. Don't feel bad that she's different with you. It's just that she feels safer at home to express her emotions etc.

I'm finding some of the things from the book really helpful. In particular I'm finding that using buzzwords such as 'coat' when I need her to get ready to go out rather than launching into a lecture about her not listening to me is extremely effective and also saying what I see rather than directing an instruction at her eg 'I see some lego on the floor' or 'I see a dummy in a little girl's mouth when she's not sleeping'. Every kid is different and perhaps it's just that I feel more empowered and am managing to be more assertive more than anything else.

Your LG sounds lovely! I'm sure you'll get through this just fine. X