Cry it out method??

[xxxbabyno1]

I'm having difficulty with my 13 month olds sleep at nighttime. I definitely haven't helped matters having cuddled, fed or rocked him to sleep since he was born.

He fights his sleep at night so much at nighttime unless I do any of the above. Of course he's used to this but when he wakes during the night he expects the same. I have been trying for a while now to break away from these things.

I've tried letting him cry for 5 minutes at a time then going in and giving him a quick cuddle, lie back down and dummy in but 90% of the time before I even leave the room he's back up on his feet screaming for me again. It's really breaking my heart but know it'll be better for him once he knows how to settle himself.

Does anyone have any advice or opinions on letting him cry it out? I don't know if my heart will be able to take it but I don't know what else to do to help him otherwise I'll still be rocking him to sleep when he's 18 😂

Thank you.

We are not allowed to say the name on MN but the author of the letting crying to sleep had deeper root to invent such a method.
She, as a child, slept with her mother until she was 11.
You might find this article interesting.
www.mamamia.com.au/gina-ford-mothers-little-helper/

There is no white or black for teaching to sleep. Every child is unique. Yes they need to earn how to settle, but not a the cost of ruining your relationship.
Adapt and as the mother of older children I can tell you, I would love to cuddle my 18 years old to sleep but she doesn't want me to.
Careful what you wish for!!

I did a controlled crying approach when mine was about 15 months - I started it one nap time rather than at bedtime. I put her down and did usual calm routine (hug, song, quick lie down next to cot with my hand through the bars etc) then I left room and set timer for just 3 minutes. I went back in as many times as it took and I think it took about 25 minutes ish. That night I did the same thing and I didn’t even have to go back in once. I was gobsmacked. From that day, she has been absolutely fine. No further crying episodes. She was very “ready” for it I think. Her understanding was good - she knew I wasn’t far away and was only in the other room if she needed me. She just needed that push I think to learn that she would be fine on her own, and she settles brilliantly now.

Unfortunately no advice from me as I have a 21 month old still untrained. He is very clingy and high needs and when I tried the control crying for 2 minutes it was too late as he was making himself sick from crying too much. He just thinks that I'm leaving him and running away forever rather than fighting sleep itself. I've tried doing it in the same room and eventually moving further away but nope it didn't work. When I'm around he thinks its fun and games It's just one of those things where my child is going to eventually learn and no point pursuing right now. I spoke to my HV about this and she said some babies/toddler just don't comply I guess. Other than that. I lie next to him and say good night and it's time to sleep. I tell him to close his eyes and he squints them and within 20 mins he falls asleep after fidgeting a bit so this works for us right now. I hope someone comes in with better advice as I'm keen to read it too :)

Agree every child responds differently.

With DS1 he screamed blue murder whenever you put him in his cot. we did the 5 minutes then 10 then 15. Then he went to sleep. Two nights of that and he was basically a self settler (though we had to do it again after travel).

It never worked with him for naps though, he would fight it bitterly the whole way and then only sleep for 15 minutes.

DD2 has been much more variable. She's actually mostly a natural self settler but when very overtired has to be cried down as she often initially refuses to be cuddled, held or sang to. Again I do 5 minutes then 10 and so on but I quite often end up cuddling her to sleep after a bit of this (which you're not supposed to really) as she gets to the point where that's what she wants after all.

I would never be comfortable just leaving them to cry for a long time as they might think you weren't coming back, need a nappy change, etc.

I also talk to them and explain what I'm doing and what I need them to do. They understand more than you would think at this age.

@xxxbabyno1 what's your LO's sleep routine like? How many naps daytime, how much sleep is he getting overall?

Also at 12m give or take there is a sleep regression, so that may not be helping.

I personally would not use this method as it damages the child on a level we cannot see, but I know people who did and say it helped.

A child that has an established sleep routine, is not cold, hot or hungry should be able to be settled step by step without help.

@ZooKeeper19

Hi!

He was 13 months yesterday, he gets up at 6am then a 2 hour nap between 12-2 (which is always in his pram or the car as he won't settle in the cot during the day) then he has a solid bedtime routine. Bottle at 6.45 and bed at 7pm. It's the same every single night.

He actually slept the full night last night, he woke me up with a little cry at 1am but settled himself straight back to sleep then he's went straight to sleep tonight himself for the first time ever!

I was really worried about taking this approach as my HV had told me it damages babies 😱😱 so I've not done the 'cry it out' as such. I've been standing at his door for 5 minutes at a time then going in to lie him down with a quick cuddle and dummy back in. He's very very dependant on me, being a single mum and with the lockdown it's understandable. But his sleep is a massive issue cos he's grumpy 90% of the time as he's not getting the rest he needs! (Not to mention how grumpy I am too 😂)

The advice is to have 2 naps till about 15-18 months, ideally a short one morning (between 10 and 11) and a long one early afternoon (2-4pm). They need about 3 hours of sleep per day then 11 hours overnight.

If he is grumpy, I'd say 90% he is overly tired. Some babies are ok with 1 sleep, some prefer two. But he is only awake for 4/5 hours in the afternoon so it is not critical at all.

As said before, I would also not let my baby cry but try to show him how he can settle himself gradually. So what I did was from carrying him in my arms, I then sat and patted him, picked, put down and so on but not let him cry. Then I just patted (dummy and blanket) and then just bottle and blanket and dummy and he is OK (it does not work 100% and sometimes takes him longer to fall asleep).

He also has this thing where he babbles and laughs and so on and then after 20mins I take all away, he cries (I am by his side) and then I give him the blanket and dummy back and he is out.

They are all different, may be worth a try but I hope you find a way, no sleep is hell.

All your baby wants is a cuddle, he’s at the age where his memory has progressed and could be having bad dreams or such which may wake him or noises may also startle, sometimes even the slightest noise. I am no expert of course and every child is different but I would personally recommend having a set routine and telling him what’s going to happen. My daughter had a similar way of being a few months ago and all I did to ease her out was to create a strict (but at times lenient) daily routine, not just nighttime, where I would try to get her to nap at a certain time and eat etc. And it seemed to help as she had a more settled day which led to not being overstimulated or overtired before bed time as that can worsen their nights sleep.
I would also suggest instead of picking him up for a cuddle once he’s been put to bed to just simply hold him on the back, tummy, belly, wherever is his comfy spot and apply a little pressure much like a hug would and just hush him to sleep again otherwise they can get into a routine of getting up if they cry which will not help you or him.
But once again these are just suggestions as I am not an expert, I hope this helps you and I hope things improve for both of your sakes x