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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help me find my sense of humour in 2.5 DS NO!!!!

13 replies

pipsi100 · 25/10/2007 15:15

I know I'm not alone in life but can anyone help me with some good suggestions in dealing with my 2.5 year old DS and the constant battles and tears we seem to be having. I went back to work part-time a month ago and on our days together it starts from tears in the moring to mild hysterics by lunch time.Example this am asked him to sit on potty before coming down to breakfast - result him running around upstairs crying and throwing himself to the floor refusing to go, refusing to come downstairs. I calmly go downstairs to feed my 9 month old. This results in more hysterics of wanting mummy to come and get him. So I do. Obviously this is then wrong as he won't eat brakfast and throws it across the room. I calmly tell him we dont throw, he picks it up and throws it again whilst tellling me he wants to! etcetcetcetc...
I have tried distraction.
I have tried ignoring.
I have tried big hugs.
I have tried remaining firm.
Top tips please.....

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lilospell · 25/10/2007 15:35

Must be exhausting and very frustrating for you. Someone suggested to me once giving them options e.g. "do you want weetabix or porridge for breakfast"; "should we have breakfast first or do potty first". Might work. If not, try to persevere with the ignoring/distraction. He's probably just about old enough for a sticker chart/time out, but so long since mine were that age can't quite remember, hopefully someone else will be along to help too. To be honest, sounds like normal toddler behaviour, not that that helps!

mrsmerton · 25/10/2007 15:39

When mine were going through the stubborn phase it was easy to say "If you dont do x,y,z then you won't get a,b,c".

I started saying "Do you want to have a,b,c? Then you have to do x,y,z"

It made them feel they were choosing to do it rather than getting told to do it. Hope this makes sense!

hellyberry · 25/10/2007 15:45

yes, choices: do you want to wee in your potty on this side of the room, or this side? etc.

Original poster

pipsi100 · 26/10/2007 10:42

Thanks guys - I have tried choices but I am constantly outsmarted by him. 'Do you want toast or oatabix?' results in 'I don't want anything!' He then gets upset by not having breakfast when everyone else is eating but refuses to cave in.
A simple no is fairly easy to deal with it's the throwing self to floor and waterworks that really gets to me - when there is no reasoning (not sure what level of reasoning a 2.5 year old should have?). 'Do you want a story? Then lets get dressed quickly now so we have time' still results in running around naked, crying and almost having to wrestle him into his clothes, then he still wants the story - so there is more tears!

Do I give in a give the story to stop the tears or stick with the rules?

My mum tells me I was a stubborn child too.

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snowleopard · 26/10/2007 10:57

We're going through this with DS a bit at the moment, same age. What works best is appealing to his better nature. While I don't tell him he mustn't cry in general, I do say "Babies cry because they can't talk, you're a big boy and you can tell me what you want." Also "What is that horrible whinging noise, DP can you hear it, it's awful i am going away, I hope DS will be able to talk to me nicely soon" etc. I say "you don't need to cry about this, you can ask/explain/talk nicely" about 200,000 times a day.

But it is starting to work - when he understands he will get better results by calming down, he is often quite proud of it and declares "I stopped crying now!" with a smug grin.

Have you tried making a big deal about what a big boy he is and so much more grown-up then the baby?

snowleopard · 26/10/2007 10:58

NB of course though I don't tell him not to cry if he's hurt himself or has a good reason to be upset. It's a tricky balance isn't it...

Original poster

pipsi100 · 26/10/2007 11:21

Snowleopard - that's a good idea... I do say to him I can't understand you when you are crying - please talk to me in a normal voice. Which sometimes results im 'No I won't have a normal voice!!' but occasionally he does pull himself together if it is something he really wants.

I hadn't thought about and used the whole 'your a big boy now' I think he may respond to that as he likes to be the boss. Clearly he is testing where he fits in in the world and doesn't want it to be the bottom of the pile.....

OP posts:

mrsmerton · 26/10/2007 14:31

Very good advice Snowleopard. I am going to try it with my 4 year old who is still stubborn as a mule and whingey to match!

mishymoo · 26/10/2007 14:36

I do the same as Snowleapord and my DS is 2.3. It does seem to be working so my advice would be to do the same and just persevere!

boo64 · 26/10/2007 15:39

Also give him little jobs to do to make him feel important as 'the big boy in the house'.
Works well here and we give ds all sorts of jobs to make him do things.

Reasoning is working more than I'd expect at this age really but like you, if he does get in a proper strop he won't listen so then it doesn't work.

Make everything as much fun as possible/ into a game.

Press all the buttons that appeal to him wherever possible (either incentives or the big boy thing or mentioning that his fave friend/ cousin/ daddy does x really well so he should try it too)

jellybrain · 26/10/2007 21:09

For the breakfast thing I put the cereal packets in a low cupboard and get DD to choose the one she wants I then get the bowl and spoon etc, put some milk in a little jug which she pours on. Works every time and hasn't refused breakfast since we started. She thinks she's soooo grown up

HonoriaGlossop · 26/10/2007 21:40

I think really pick your battles. With my ds at about this age I would ask, rather than tell, with stuff like the loo; 'do you need to go before we go down?' if he says no, fine. It's up to him. It really IS up to him, it's his bladder and if he's potty trained he will know when he needs to go, or not.

Anything like that, that you can leave to him, I would, personally.

I expect with a 2.5 yr old you just ARE going to get some annoying, attention seeking behaviour when you're also dealing with a baby; and ignoring that is very powerful. I know you say you've tried it, well keep going I say; it's a powerful message to him. Nothing really changes 2.5 yr old behaviour overnight; they have to learn the social rules, and the only way to learn is through experience.

berolina · 26/10/2007 21:47

ds1 is 2.5 and says no on principle atm. 'Right ds1, time to get dressed to go out' - 'No no, I go not out'. - 'But we have to, we're going [wherever]'. - [If I'm unlucky] 'Waaaaaaah, I stay here'. I am also very experienced in this asking for something and then immediately refusing it. them I have several methods of dealing with it: asking him to help me with something, hold something or put something into my bag for me - usually works like a dream, as he loves 'doing' things, 'helping' and feeling all grown-up; appealing to his very sweet protective attitude towards ds2 ('oh look, ds2's sad now because you're sad'); grim ignoring (I am lucky in that he usually calms down fairly quickly, though).

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