How much should my 18 month old be saying?

[FightingWithTheWind]

I'm really worried my 18 month old is behind where she should be and I think it is my fault. She can understand and follow basic instructions such as 'get your shoes' and 'can mummy have a kiss?', and she caj say some words like mummy/daddy/baby and she often points to various objects and says whats that. She loves musical toys and her hearing seems fine, but I keep hearing how other children her age are speaking in full sentences, know their colours and are counting to 10. My older daughter is 5 and she didn't speak till she was 2 and also seems somewhat behind her peers (teachers and nursery staff have never mentioned anything, but again other parents say their 5 year olds can do a hell of a lot more than she can). I don't mention my worries in front of the children but I am very worried that I am failing them and letting them down because I don't know how to help them, I can't get through to my health visitor what so ever at the moment and with my eldest they said they don't worry until they are past 2 years anyway.

Hi op! I have a 20 month old who doesn't talk, we had a hearing test a couple of months ago because she didn't say anything, not even a mama or dada. But aside from that they don't do anything until 2 years.

Sorry I've got no "proper" advice, but hopefully it will help to know. Your 18 month old is way ahead of my 20 month old, and if they're not worried about DD, then you shouldn't worry about yours.

I understand the feeling of helplessness, personally I just try to enjoy my daughter and know I'm doing my best, and that's okay. Xx

It all sounds pretty normal! Mine didn't say much at 18MO and doesn't shut up now at 2.5. It also took her until gone age 2 to ask 'what's that' so I'd say that this is fairly advanced social skills. I think there's guidelines but all kids do take slightly different pathways but most do get there in the end. If you want peace of mind you could do the MCHAT test online and get hearing checked. Perhaps you need to address what is making you feel so guilty as well. If you feel that you're failing then your kids will pick up on that however much you try not to show it. I do understand the guilt (I felt it too when my LO wasn't exactly racing ahead with her speech) but it's not helpful. If you're talking lots to her and providing her with a safe and nurturing environment then you're doing all you can so be kind to yourself x

I think starting to talk is something where 'developing normally' covers a huge range. As she's pointing, understands a fair bit, and has some words, your little girl sounds to me like she's doing fine. Quite a lot of sources say 5-20 words is typical at 18 months, and she seems to fall within that as well.

You also appear to know some very advanced 18 month olds. I was curious enough to check, and colours and counting to 5 (counting objects accurately, not just saying the words in order) are on the 4 year developmental questionnaire.

My boy at 2 didn’t speak much, usually pointed for something, or made noise with mouth when he wanted a drink. The health visitor was concerned at his 2 year check up, but completed all the other tasks with ease. Health visitor phoned after 6 months to make appointment to come round to assess him and I gave my son the phone to talk to her. In those 6 months he really came on with his speech and we stopped doing everything for him and made him ask for things rather than just point. We also got him more interested in singing.

I will just add almost all kids that 'count' at this age habe just rote learned the sequence of numbers and don't really understand what they're saying. Mine didn't really count at all until about 2 but shortly after she could actually count objects in books and how many steps she was taking etc quite accurately. I'll second the music and singing too. I was concerned mine didn't really seem interested but she does not stop singing now and she now comes out with fairly accurate renditions of songs that we haven't sung for a while. Just keep singing even if they don't seem to be taking it in.

Hi @FightingWithTheWind,

My son is 16 months and is currently under speech and language, we are having regular reviews with our HV, he has been referred to a paediatrician and we are awaiting a sedated ABR hearing test. To perhaps put your mind at rest, he is only babbling minimally, he does not yet follow simple instructions like ‘go get your shoes’ and he is not using many gestures to communicate.

I think that from all the conversations I have had with the above professionals, it sounds like your LO is making good progress and has started to get a good grasp of speech and language.

It’s frustrating that you are unable to get through to your HV, ours has been very good with us but seems like that is not consistent from area to area :(

Please don’t feel guilty, we are only human and as long as your children are happy and healthy then you’re doing great. We are currently using the Hanen - teach me to talk book with the speech therapist. We’re only part way through but it has lots of great ideas to help so may be worth looking into.

I do think you can self refer to speech and language on NHS so you could also give them a call to see about one of there drop in sessions :)

About eight words is expected at 18M and that can includes animal sounds - I would be shocked if I saw an 18M old speak in sentences, I have never seen one, I cant even imagine it.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP because honestly ive felt the same pressure as you have about other aspects of development

Please let me reassure you that your child sounds perfectly in line with the spectrum of normal for their age. I believe at 18 months anything between a handful of words that are well understandable to about 50 words half ofnwhich may be quite unintelligible to ppl outside the family is normal. I've learnt the hard way by worrying myself and then doing lots of research that actually there is a massive variation at this age particularly it seems to me when I think of a lot of my friends children at the. Age between 18m-2ys and what they're doing earlier on in my experience really doesn't seem to necessarily correlate with where they're at when they're a little older. It seems to me some kids learn more consistently and gradually and others learn in bursts but most seem to even out in the end

I can categorically tell you that when ppl claim (as they often do) that their kids know all their colours numbers etc at this age and 10 word sentencea at 18ms they either genuinely have a bit of a genius/advanced child (which rarely bur sumx does turn out to be true) or they are either exaggerating/misreading their child. I've learnt with my toddler that sumx they give the appearance of understanding something which you later realise is more about repetition leading or guesswork than actual understanding. Some kids are food at mimicry but wouldn't be able to identify things like colours if they truly had to independently and 18ms is very young to be capable of those things

Having a handful of words, having what sounds like understanding of basic instructions and starting to show preferences sounds about right to me. I know it's so difficult but try not to get too absorbed in what other parents claim... there is a lot of BS that goes on in competitive parenting circles!

It varies so much, I understand the pressure but my son who is now nearly 4 I don’t think was talking much until 2. My daughter who is 17 months talks more (I think!) than he did at this age but honestly it varies so much with kids. Some talk loads and some just take their time. Your little one sounds absolutely fine.

My son did not say much at that age. He started to talk when he went to kindergarten. That was when he was 2,5 years old. I think it is different for every child.

@FightingWithTheWind sorry for posting so late in the day but just wondering how things are now as this sounds like my 18 month old and I’m anxious 😥 xx