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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Beautiful and adorable, yet whiney and selfish........

35 replies

Washersaurus · 24/10/2007 12:12

Obviously not my DC .....

My friend's 2 yr old DD has real ishoos when it comes to sharing, and she will not let ANYONE touch (or even go within a certain distance) of her favourite teddy bear which she takes with her everywhere.

We have a regular playdate which is usually spent with her screaming and whining because DS has dared look at her/touch her/invade her personal space. TBH it is getting a bit tiresome, and unfortunately DS has taken to provoking her even more now as he gets such a reaction when he tries to play with her.

I'm not criticising my friend because I realise that I'm lucky my DS is good with sharing (most of the time - he is no angel), and even she is not sure how best to deal with this behaviour.

I just wondered if anyone had any experience of similar behaviour and any suggestions of how to deal with it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

colditz · 24/10/2007 13:32

I think the best thing to do would be to say to her mother "I think we had better go home - Ds is getting really upset because she doesn't seem to like him at all - aren't children funny?"

Because I will guarantee she is blind to her daughter's behavior, and to pick her up on it will just cause aggro, as it is fairly normal toddler behavior. HOWEVER it might give her food for though about how allowing her daughter to be selfish to the detriment of other children is impacting on her daughter's own social life ...

colditz · 24/10/2007 13:34

Whereas I would avoid taking my son to places where he will be expected to continually concede to another child for the sake of a quiet life.

blueshoes · 24/10/2007 13:34

Agree with colditz's approach.

Original poster

Washersaurus · 24/10/2007 13:34

Actually the last 2 occasions, her mum has started to try her DD with timeout on a chair on her own when she does start to act up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Washersaurus · 24/10/2007 13:36

Her mum is more than aware of the problem, the problem is neither of us are sure how to deal with it

OP posts:

colditz · 24/10/2007 13:40

has she tried diverting? because punishment is unlikely to work - her behavior is feelings based ... and toddlers can't hide their feelings. She feels she doesn't want to be looks at or share. She CANNOT stop feeling this way - but she cannot hide it either - she will act up - Perhaps the answer with the tub of crayons would have been to split the crayons into two tubs - then they BOTH have a tub. Sharing out of a tub is harder because she is watching 'her' crayons being dipped into - to split them would have meant they both had some crayons, and the ones your ds ware using were inaccessable to her anyway.

boo64 · 24/10/2007 13:44

Ds has shades of this sort of thing. I'm sure he just wants my attention more when i am talking to another mum instead of showering it on him. At his age (2.3) I think he needs to learn about this so I ignore him. It makes for an uncomfortable start to some 'playdates' but he settles in eventually. What would happen if your friend just ignored her dd's protestations?

Also I have to say as a mum who has a sensitive 2 year old who isn't yet really at the playing with rather than alongside stage and occasionally gets a bit freaked out by other toddlers 'invading' his space, it can be quite trying when another parent is really pushing the two of them to play together/ hug each other, in a well meaning way. I know they're just being nice but if a child isn't really at the playing with stage yet, and isn't responding to the suggestions of playing WITH the other child, do just drop it and let them play on their own. They're only two and there'll be time for that later.

I agree with the suggestion too that if your kids are not really suited to each other at the moment, give it a break and start meeting up again in a few months when it might all change. You can always meet your friend alone for an evening drink. Or try all meeting on neutral territory to see if that makes a difference e.g. a soft play place?

mcnoodle · 24/10/2007 13:46

My friend and I do alot of enthusiastic counting to try and encourage sharing:

"DS you can have 10 seconds on the bike then it's X's turn. 1,2,3..." They do seem to get into the whole counting thing and forget the screeching, but of course this cannot be sustained for long, particularly if we are embroiled in a pre-dinner glass of wine.

Think it just comes in time, but does need consistent encouraging and lashings of praise.

Are they better if out and about?

Original poster

Washersaurus · 24/10/2007 15:24

mcnoodle - I am talking about when we are out and about LOL

DS is a very tactile sort of boy (both hugging and hitting), and I can understand how that might conflict with my friend's DD going through a 'sensitive' phase.

I was hoping there might be something we could do to help them interact better - they really do like each other...honestly!!

I'm not sure about stopping them from seeing each other - seems a bit drastic. My friend and I will have to put our heads together and try to come up with a cunning plan.....

OP posts:

Bodkin · 24/10/2007 21:02

Agree totally with what Boo64 says. You can't expect 2 year olds to play together and share properly. My DD is nearly 4 and there are still issues with sharing between her and her friends. If you find it really hard to spend time in the company of your friend's child, it may be easier to meet your friend in the eveinings, with no kids, until this phase passes (as indeed it will )

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