Early Terrible Twos and how to deal with??

[Punkyfish3000]

Hello all

I am (step)mum to a little boy who is just shy of 17mo. Ever since he came to live with my fiancé and I he has always been somewhat advanced with his development. For the past month or so he is displaying a lot of challenging behaviour (think not cooperating when putting coat/shoes on, screaming blue murder especially when told 'no') and the only thing we can chalk it down to is hitting the Terrible Twos early.

Can discipline be introduced as early as DS' age or will we have to stick it out til he's 2/3? Did anyone else have a DS/DD who hit the Terrible Twos early?

It could just be frustration. They often get it at this age before their speech takes a bit of a leap.

Two things that really helped mine were using simple language and signs and giving them "toddlers choice" so that they feel a bit more in control.

Toddlers choice is the choice between 2 things that you are in control of, so "do you want a banana or some grapes? Or "which T-shirt do you want to wear, but only hold up 2. They feel a bit more on control but really have very limited choices

Oh and distraction usually helps tones too

There's also a Step parenting section on MN which you might find useful as being a Stepmum seems to bring its own unique challenges

Yes to both “toddler’s choice” and distraction. Point out something interesting out the window, start singing a silly song, swing them around in a circle as you physically move them where they need to be. With toddler’s choice, I can sometimes rescue a situation-in-progress where I didn’t offer a choice by offering my daughter a way to (trivially) change it, so if she’s standing and fussing about putting on her shirt, I’ll ask if she wants to sit down to put it on instead.

We also do very simple, very immediate natural consequences. I would start with something like ‘don’t throw that toy, you might break it’, then if she doesn’t stop, say ‘if you throw that toy again, I’ll take it away’, and if she still doesn’t stop, take the toy and say ‘you threw the toy again, so I’ve taken it so it doesn’t get broken’. The first time in any episode, I keep the consequence very brief, a minute or two, so she gets a chance to try again very quickly, but obviously at some point it’s kinder to everyone to end the situation and go on to something else if at all possible. I also try to keep the language simple (and calm), but say why she can’t do something/needs to do something, and then the consequence is what I need to do to keep her safe/stop things getting broken/whatever. I think even if they can’t understand all the language yet, the basic sequence of actions should start to make sense to them if you're consistent. Throw food, plate gets taken away. Not come back when called in the park, go in the buggy. When they do understand the language, most people (adults and children alike) respond better to rules when they can understand why it’s a rule, and to consequences when they fit the misbehaviour – that way they seem fair.

Skkye. I've very much patented like this. I think it helps if you're consistent too. The DC know that if I said something like the toy would get taken away, I very much mean it.