A bit of a delicate subject - desperate for some help

[LAB1009]

Hi there,

I'm just at the end of my tether and feeling so absolutely misrable that I needed to get some advice. My 8 month old daughter seem to have discovered how to....I hate to say it...masturbate. She pulls her legs up in a rhythmical way, gets a glazed look in her eyes and makes a grunting noise. She does this anywhere and I obviously can't tell her not to do it. Its so awful, she does it in her car seat, pram while I'm dropping my 4 year old at nursery, highchair. Its just so awful and its making me feel ill. I can't eat as I'm so anxious about the whole thing. I work twice a week and I leave her with my friend once a week but am dreading this incase she notices and mentions it to me. People will be disgusted and I'm so embarrased. My older daughter also discovered this at 13months at naptime and still does it privately when getting to sleep.

What can I do? I can't go on dreading the days like this. I feel permanently sick.

Sorry to rant.

Thanks for any advice.

Sorry, I don't understand why this upsets you so much - it's absolutely normal. If people are disgusted that says something about them, not your daughter!

I don't think it would bother me so much if she was older but its just because shes only eight months.

Thanks

Its a comfort thing , not sexual. If it bothers you distract her when you notice but that may not always work.

I remember readiing in Penelope Leach, Baby and Child that this is normal. I don't think other people will notice, TBH.

You are the only person who will care about this.

Message withdrawn

I'm pre menstrual which makes everthing seem so awful... I think I'm panicking that it going to get much worse as she gets older and will be doing it all the time, anywhere!

Did your older daughter do it all the time, everywhere then?

From about 20 months, she did it mainly at naptime as she discovered it in her bed. Now, at 4, she realises that it is a private thing.

I know I should b more chilled about the whole thing but I'm a pretty highly strung person!

Thanks for all your comments

My DD did this for a while when she was about 2.5, just after we had moved to our new house. I would go in to check on her before going to bed and she would sometimes have her hand in her knickers, I assume that was her comforting herself as she was going to sleep. I did not mention it and she does not do it now. I would not worry about it.

So why are you worried that your DD2 will do it everywhere??

It's interesting how, if this were a boy, everyone would tend to chuckle and say things like "he's got a friend for life". Not that any of the replies here have been negative.

hey I can totally understand why you were worrying so don't apologise for your feelings! That said I wouldn't worry at all and most importantly try not to let your daughters know that you are worried or disgusted because the last thing you want is for them to feel ashamed about their bodies or making themselves feel good.

Two quick ones to cheer you up:

a friend's daughter used to rub herself up and down against anything she could find, in private and public,

and I came across my daughter, at 18 months, sticking keys in her noo noo. Ouch.

You know boys do this all the time until much later and people laugh and no one cares. Careful not to let your girls inherit your issues about this but don't feel bad for feeling bad!!!

Gx

a friend of mone who's a teacher has a girl in her class who's 7 who about three times a day moved herself to the corner of her chair and starts moving uop and down on it. My friend is at her wits end , jhas spoken to the educational psychologist who says it's all normal.- reading this post it sounds as if it is. has anyone got any advice, she's worried that because she's so aware ie doing it so often thst it's a sign that she's being abused

at 7 she should be told to stop in no uncertain terms and that its private. its not like communication byt this age is difficult

I think it goes in phases. At about that age dd used to hump her soft toys. Then it seemed to stop - then now and again she seems to remember her bits for a while and take up interest. I wouldn't worry about it.

She does it because it feels nice and relaxing. Nothing to do with grown up masturbation!!

she does tell her to stop , she's worried that it may be a sign of soemthing more sinister