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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

unclingy child!

11 replies

KellyBlack7075 · 23/10/2007 21:17

Hi everyone

My 18 month old son is incredibly unclingy, so much so that i feel a bit rejected! He never cries when I leave the room and when I come back to him after being away he dosen't take me on at all. I work part time as a nurse and only do one or two shifts a week (mainly night shift) and he only gets left with daddy or granny (my mother-in-law) so i suppose he has no real reason to be clingy. My sister-in-law's child is so clingy, she can't leave a room without him crying and has to sneak away from him. She finds this very trying but I feel a bit jealous. i know I'm being silly but has anyone else felt like this or had a similar experience?

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Jas · 23/10/2007 21:20

DD1 and ds were both not remotely clingy. (DD2 was the total opposite and we did nothing different with her). IMO it is just in their personality. It doesn't mean he doesn't need or want you.

Bellie · 23/10/2007 21:22

DD was like this and still is - she has never cried when I have left her - she just smiles and says buy (if in fact she even has time to say that).

I have left her at a creche since she was 6 months old and then for odd days here and there with family members. (she is now 3)

I like to think that it means that she is secure that I will return for her.

It also has meant that I have managed to have some time away on my own with dh and know that she will not be fretting for me

CatIsSleepy · 23/10/2007 21:23

my dd is 18m and also unclingy...
I know what you mean about feeling rejected but I do think it's better this way-she has never had a problem with being left at the childminder's, for example, and this has made life much easier for me than could have been the case.
I tell myself she is happy and secure!
it would be nice to feel missed just occasionally though...

Original poster

KellyBlack7075 · 23/10/2007 21:28

Thank you for your messages. I suppose I am being a clingy mummy! If he was very clingy i would be worried about that! He has just started having tantrums and hitting me as well, which i know is very common. Just a tough patch to get through i suppose.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 23/10/2007 21:32

you can't feel as rejected as i do. my ds cries when my mum leaves the room but not me.

Original poster

KellyBlack7075 · 23/10/2007 21:32

We have also managed to have the odd night away from him, so i shouldn't complain too much. As much as i love him, it's nice to get a break!

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Original poster

KellyBlack7075 · 23/10/2007 21:37

That is tough nappyaddict. My son adores his granny and when he has not seen her for a while, he hugs her and gets so excited. i have never had that kind of welcome. It's so tough being a mum sometimes and quite common to feel the grandparents are loved more than us. I'm sure this isn't the case though. I was adopted by my grandmother at the age of 2 and lost my birth mother at 18. I still miss her and adore her and don't think she was ever really replaced by my grandmother. I hope that helps you!

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notnowbernard · 23/10/2007 21:39

DD1 - cannot recall her ever being clingy. Don't think she's ever cried being left.

DD2 - Wouldn't call her clingy... will be left happily with people she knows, but likes to follow me around with her arms in the air saying "ut, ut" (up, up)

Othersideofthechannel · 24/10/2007 05:42

Kelly my son was never clingy and has always been easily left. He wasn't particularly into cuddles either and once he could wriggle off my lap that was the end of cuddles unless he was unwell.
But since he has been 4 he has really been into long cuddles and he blows me kisses from the school bus in the mornings.

FlightAttendant · 24/10/2007 06:22

I'm sure this can be completely normal, I havenot been lucky enough to experience it myself but without wanting to worry you, if you are a little worried yourself, it may be worth just mentioning it to the Dr or HV when you see them.
My friend used to say this to me about her little boy, when he was about a year old, we would be at the park and he would run off, she had to chase him because she said he 'didn't come back' - I just thought it was normal. But she also said she felt rejected and that he didn't respond to her always how she would expect.
When he was 18 months old he was diagnosed as autistic. He is a gorgeous, bright boy but he wasn't quite the same as others in his social interaction/attachment behaviour.

Of course your LO is probably perfectly fine but I just wanted to mention it as a remote possibility as your post just struck a chord with what she described to me.

PregnantGrrrl · 24/10/2007 13:24

my DS is 16mths, and isn't clingy. he happily goes off to his Grandparents without me, and runs to play as soon as he gets to childminders. I know he loves me, and he looks forward to seeing me, but he's quite confident.

i'd be grateful! he's obviously happy and content.

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