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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Not Terrible twos - AWFUL fours

18 replies

anneme · 23/10/2007 14:04

DS1 was four in Sept, DS2 is 5 months old. DS1 has coped pretty well with arrival of DS2 although is def wanting more attention - particularly from his Dad. Recently his behavious has got much worse though. He can be v good but, when he is not, he will not do what he is told (at all - not just a bit), he will fling himself on the floor if things do not go his way; have a HUGE strop if Dad won't carry him when he is tired (acc to him), is more picky about food (has always been a good eater and is eating but it is hard work) and will hit out at DH adn I etc etc. I can just about deal with this at home but it is awful when we are out (child rampagind round coop pickiing things up etc) and there are relatively regular incidents at his nursery.
I know that there are a number of reasons for this - he is really missing all his friends who have gone to school (he missed going by 2 wks); he has had to deal with new baby; he is quite charming and so does get away with quite a lot and is also quite verbally advanced so can argue his way out of anything.
I'm really worried that this will just continue to get worse - particularly when I go back to work in Jan. Also fear that he will become one of those children who noone wants to invite round. He is such a lovely little thing - he just does not know when to stop - and he likes having his own way. Any suggestions for things we can do and also that we could mention to his nursery? Sorry for long post.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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chipkid · 23/10/2007 14:15

there are so many archive threads about the f*ing awful fours. It is a common problem particularly with boys. they have a surge of testosterone and it makes them orrible!

It is a phase and will pass-meanwhile look in the archives for some reassurance!

Original poster

anneme · 23/10/2007 14:55

thank you - will get trawling! Has anyone with an "old" child any tips for keeping them going as they head towards school (but still have nearly a year to go!!) I might have guessed testosterone would have something to do with it!

OP posts:

SqueeelyMeeely2 · 23/10/2007 14:59

oh GOD NO!!!! I just posted about my nearly 3yo behaving like this - you mean i have another YEAR at least - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

chipkid · 23/10/2007 16:02

My ds was difficult from turning 1 getting progressively worse until he hit 4.5 and then he actually started to become quite nice !!.

I hated it when he was four-it was so frustrating!

Original poster

anneme · 23/10/2007 18:14

there are good days......! None of my friends seem to have this problem (she says wistfully...!)

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 27/10/2007 00:41

have you done naughty step/time out?

onebadmother · 27/10/2007 00:54

crikey, so remember this. DS was just about 4 when dd born - and dp was pretty much unavailable for a year with new career. Hideous times sister, hideouuuuus!
But suddenly all better now! Don't know what's flipped it, will have a think and post tomorrow.

nappyaddict · 27/10/2007 01:39

also what about reward charts (sometimes the sticker is enough reward alone)

ingles2 · 27/10/2007 09:06

did you know there is actually something called...threenagers!.so called for the scary resembalance to teenagers Actually I've found it doesn't end as I now have a stroppy 6. My 8 (this week) is now gorgeous again...hooray!
I know lots of people don't rate the naughty step but I've always used it with lots of success alongside star charts. I recommend one big chart with lines for everything, getting dressed, brushing teeth etc. I wouldn't worry about ds's behaviour at nursery, he's now the eldest and the king of the castle and he's just flexing his muscles, I think that's completely understandable. I think the key is to be firm, consistent and calm. Hope this helps.

UnionJack · 27/10/2007 09:10

I have a monster 4 year old too! But he is my third, and is def more of a pest than he other two put together.

He draws on chairs. He spills his drink deliberately. He refuses to put his shoes on. Not ALL the time I hasten to add, but when he plays up, he really does.

He was an angel at two. A late developer! His behaviour at school is lovely, I think he is just playing up afterwards for me!

Blandmum · 27/10/2007 09:26

I had the tricky ones
The terrible twos
The tantrunming threes
The foul fours
The flipping awful fives
and the soul desroying sixes with dd....

Just a light at the end of the tunnel, at 10 she is wonderful.

But she really was very trying for years and bloody awful years!

Ineedacleaner · 27/10/2007 10:46

I am going through the ferocious fours at the moment as well. Seriously it was like a switch being flicked on dd's birthday.
It seems most of the mums in the nursery are going through the same thing so at least I know it is a phase but boy is it hard work.

My friend has a dd a year older and she has come out the other side and somebody else did say it only lasts a year thank goodness.

I was talking to a friend in a shop one day about dd's behaviour and the shop assistant said oohh is she 4???? Everyone seems to know that this is an awful time so why is it such a well kept secret until we actually get there and everyone with older children nods their head sagely and says they remember it well???

nappyaddict · 27/10/2007 10:48

i always thought reward charts were for fixing one behaviour at a time?

JacOLantanne · 27/10/2007 10:56

I found the fours a bit of a surprise as we got away quite lightly with the terrible twos. At 4 dd1 had far more tantrums than at 2 and I found it all very hard work - I just tried to deal with them as calmly as possible (if I lost my temper than it all got so much worse). I did lots of counting to 5 and natural consequences. So if you don't pick up your bike by the time I get to 5 you won't be able to ride it to nursery tomorrow. It did work (though the counting would be accompanied by lots of screaming of "don't count, don't count".

I did have several occasions when she did it in public and I was completely mortified - she's so tall she looks nearer 6 anyway and I was very aware that my child was the only one behaving that way.

JacOLantanne · 27/10/2007 10:59

Ineedacleaner that is so true about everyone keeping it a secret - I would have felt so much better had I known it was a common phase. You can approach the terrible twos with a degree of calmness because you've heard all about it but the fours ambush you.

Pinkchampagne · 27/10/2007 11:10

I have a four year old DS who is a real handful & has been since he could crawl! kept thinking that once we were over the terrible twos things may improve, then maybe once he passed three, but at 4.5 he is still very challenging!
He is lovely & a real character, but is very strong minded, has strops very easily (just like his father!) & doesn't always do as he is told. He is also very loud and a bit of a whirlwind!
Not sure I can be much help as to how to improve things, but wanted to let you know you're not alone here!

nappyaddict · 27/10/2007 11:23

PC - i remember reading a thread over the summer about your dc and that everything you'd tried had failed.

you used a reward chart of some sort didn't you?? just wondering if you tried including them in making it? my friend found the reward chart worked much better when she involved her 2 in making it cos it got them excited about it.

also she found it worked better if she did a daily reward chart rather than a weekly one. it had the hours from 7 - 7 on it (change accordingly to when your child usually wakes up and goes to bed) and then if they have more stars than blank spaces they get a small reward at the end of the day.

DeathByPruners · 27/10/2007 11:30

No. It's not happening. Your 4-year-old is in fact an angel and everyone says he's a credit to you. [hollow empty stare]

They do get a massive surge of testosterone at 4ish, don't they? DS is clearly going through this. Sorry, I'm no help, I think just plug away at the positive reinforcement and try to be firm but calm. He's probably a lot more thrown by the new baby (who is just getting more interesting to everyone) than you think.

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