How do I help my little boy deal with all this? 2yrs 1month.. Long post

[Jackaroo]

We are moving to Oz in 8 weeks time, and things are starting to hot up. AT the moment we have builders in sorting out a few things around the house, nothing major but lots of messiness and new people.
Meanwhile, I am not as calm as I might be (but pretty much OK), and DS has had a funny tummy thing for a few days followed this last week by a cold.

We took the side off his cot a good 2 months ago because he fell out onto his head and we thought maybe that shouldn't happen again , and the first few nights were fine, and he's had the odd decent night since, but now he's all over the shop.

Last night he woke up 3 times, DH settled him the first couple of times (but it took a long time and he was terribly upset) 3rd time I just let him wriggle up into my side of the bed and spent 4 hours cold and aching because I was trying to let him have the space he needed to get some sleep. He was incredibly restless, picking at his face (no obvious spots etc in daylight) and talking to himself. He's much more upset if he's fallen over etc than usual, usually just brushes everything off...

He's also started terrible tantrums and finds it very hard to go to sleep at any of the usual times without getting very upset about being left etc...

I'm finding it impossible to tell what has prompted what, but most of all what the hell to do now to make him feel better/less miserable.

He's still terribly bubbly/jolly most of hte time, but he's unhappy far more often than he was.

DH thinks we need to persevere with the leaving him to sleep thing/tantrums/not getting own way thing, whereas I think he's genuinely upset about something/everything and wonder if anyone has any ideas? (e.g. is it ever sensible to put the side back on the cot, would he feel safer, or just outraged?!)..

I'm so tired I don't know what makes sense anymore and am really floundering.

Ack, I don't know but my instinct would be that he's just poorly and needs the love, cuddles and extra support until one day he throws off feeling ill and you won't know yourselves.

My guess is that the work on house, strange people etc. is less of an issue. Although he may be picking up on your understandable stress levels.

I'd say live through it, following your instincts and not worrying too much about behaviour, etc. and it will get better.

thanks MrsG. You may be right (I'd certainly like to get to the not knowing ourselves stage!) - maybe the fact that we are all so tired means that we're not being as cuddly as usual, and I know that we both lie there waiting for the other to go and see to him. I adore him, but he's so hard to be with when he's so all over the place (or is that me?)...

Wow!

It sounds like you all have so much going on in your lives right now. I am not surprised that you feel the way that you do.

He must be picking up on the fact that big things are happening. When you are a grown up you can kind of get your head round change so much better than a little two year old, or at least have the ability to articulate your feelings. Imagine being run down on top of everything too. I totally agree with Mrsgboring.

Things are sure to get better. How do you feel about co-sleeping, maybe knowing that mummy is there at night when he needs her may settle him a little more? Co-sleeping can be comforting and reassuring. I know that co-sleeping is not for everyone but it can be really effective during difficult times.

we moved house when my DS1 was about the same age and it was a nightmare. He was so upset at night, he went from going to bed really well, so crying so much he was sick.

It only went on for about a week, but it was really hard. He had loads of extra cuddles and we also tried to explain things to hime best we could

I reckon your little one is feeling the stress of you and your DH and is possibly vying (sp?) for attention but on the other hand if he hasn't been well (with tummy bug and cold), it does take quite a while for them to bounce back to 'normal'.

It may also be the "terrible 2's". I'm convinced that when my DS turned 2 (in July), the gorgeous little boy we had before moved house and sent an imposter to live with us! The tantrums, not sleeping through, hitting, pushing and kicking and saying 'no' to everything is really trying, but it seems to be getting less and less. Give him time and lots of love and cuddles.

Well there's another question, MadScary, how much do you tell how soon? I'm of the "pg. begins when they can see the bump" opinion, so I don't see the point in trying to explain too much til he sees the furniture being packed and we're on our way... but he obviously knows more than that already.. but I don't know how his brain deals with soemthing so open ended....

we told him we were moving and got some books on movong from the library, just as we were started to box stuff up. He was fine until we actually moved

It does sound like he is picking up on all the unusual activity at home. Children are remarkable sensitive sometimes and they do sense when something is up.

We moved house when DD was almost 3. I bought a book about moving house and started telling her about it a few weeks before. It might be an idea for you to look into getting a book about Australia to prepare him. It is a bigger move than just moving to another town in the same county.

Perhaps when he is feeling 100% healthy again things will be better. I hope so.

my DD was a bit like the way you describe for ages and we were referred to a specialist (because she said she couldnt hear) and we were told she had probably had a virus 6-8 months before hand and it was taking her a long time to get over it (she had no outwards signs of a virus!)

We didnt have any changes in our lifes at the time!

hmm would be worth a trip to the doctors i think ds had a cold a few weeks ago seemed to not come to anything but he was definately not himself for a couple of weeks afterwards, more tantrums, over emotional etc. Turned out he had a mild case of tonsilitus that was flaring up and then getting a little better but not going away properly. I felt so guilty but he honestly didn't seem ill just very off in terms of his behaviour.

Mm, interesting. THank you for all the replies. I will get books, and when I went away earlier this year for 10 days we did a cartoon strip drawing of the different stages.. will do that...

But might well make a GP appt. too just in case. Ah, neurotic mother reigns again

FWIW I think he is probably more fragile because he feels poorly and will definately be unsettled by everything else going on. I would try taking him back to familiarity with the cot sides on, as you said he was only just beginning to settle before all the new people started coming in and out. I would go back to basics. I don't think co-sleeping is a good solution and is a habit that takes lots of effort to break, causing more eventual disruption to sleep at night when he goes back in his own bed.

Just to update you, I took DS to GP this morning - double middle ear infection, v. nasty on one side. Poor little sod! So I think that explains a lot of it. He's still being v. contrary but at least he's happier [grin}

Thank you for all y5our 5suggestions - I agree re: co-sleeping Tori, but actually letting him stay in with us from 4am the last couple of nights has made a huge difference to how settled he is...

Cheers all,

J

Aw, the poor little soul. Glad you found that out, hope he feels better soon (and you too).