How can I encourage my two year old to be more sociable at the dining table?

[icanfly]

This is my first post on MN, and I am keen to see if anyone has any advice for me concerning toddlers at the dining table.

We abandoned the high chair many months agoe because my daughter constantly climbed out of it despite being strapped in. We then moved over to a booster seat but the novalty of this has long worn off. We offered to let her sit in it without being strapped because she hates being restrained. All she seems to do is stand on her chair for a short while then climb onto the table, throw her food onto the floor and try to feed us with the food off our plates. We have tried sitting her on our knees but this does not work either.

We have always ate together as a family at the dinner table. We did baby led weaning, we never make her eat anything that she does not want to, and provide her with a small selection of healthy things to eat.

Where are we going wrong? Are we just being too unreasonable? If this is a phase then how long will it last? Any suggestions as to how we can make things a bit better. We are not finding mealtimes enjoying or relaxing at the moment.

I dont think anyone thinks it is reasonable to slap a toddlers hand!
But tori didnt say she did, also the only way to make a child eat their food is if they know mealtimes are for dinner. If you allow a child not to eat their dinner then give them something else later they wont undertsand that not eating their dinner results in hunger.
My children have always known if they dont eat what they are given they dont get anything else, and eat well. Whereas I know people whose children will only eat crisps, and their parents will give them three packets of them so they 'dont go hungry'. It really doesnt take many times of a child seeing their dinner go in the bin to realise they wanted to eat that!

Lorayn - sometimes small children don't have the capacity to only eat 3 times a day. I think letting them go hungry because they don't want or can't manage a specified amount is unfair.

Also, snacks in between meals don't have to be crisps or junk food.

I think the important thing is to teach sociability by example, do set boundaries but don't make mealtimes all about rules.

A child who is only just 2 is very young to expect manners from.

I am very depressed reading this thread. My dd has also just turned two and although she is a good eater and will usually sit nicely when she is with others (eg me and DH, my parents etc) when I am feeding her on her own she will not sit still for a moment. However I am 34 weeks pregnant and just don't have the energy to force her to sit still for long (and wouldn't dream of trying to strap her back into her high chair or booster seat - that would probably bring on a week-long tantrum). I also know that when I have a small baby to think about as well, trying to get her to sit down and eat her meals in one go will be even harder. So I am not getting stressed and assume it will sort itself out in time. Once she is old enough to a) eat with us at every meal and b) understand disciplining better I will make more of an issue for it.
I remember everyone telling me off for putting my baby down asleep when she was younger, saying she would never learn to fall asleep on her own. Well she is now the most fabulous sleeper, falls asleep beautifully on her own and never gets out of her bed unless we go to get her. So despite dire warnings from all and sundry, some things do sort themselves out when the children get a little older.
In other words - please don't stress yourself over this too much. You are doing your best and your dd is still very young. She'll be fine!

my dd is 2.5 yo. Sometimes we sit at the main table, sometimes at the tiny kitchen table, many times we don't. IMHO People stress over these things way too much. or maybe i will end up with a feral child.

Children will copy what you do over time. So in time, they will learn, gradually, to eat at the table with all the right manners. The book, The Social Toddler followed a mother who was insistent of table manners (among other things) with a 2yo and it suggested a strategy to deal with this and other issues she was facing by looking at it from the perspective of hte child. It is worth buying/checking it out of the library to see what it is all about.

Meemar I also don't specify an 'amount' but they are expected to eat a reasonable amount and try everything. As I am aware of the quantities my children can eat when they want to e.g. pasta they will all eat 1/2 an adult portion in 20 mins, but give them something else and they faff because it isn't their favourite. Therefore, its about not getting their own way regarding what they eat.

PS I need to make it completely clear that I would and have never tapped any other child except my own dd.

meemar, I know they cant, I'm not saying force your children to eat everything on their plate only three times a day.
My DC's have breakfast, lunch and dinner, as long as they eat a reasonable amount and dont play around, then they are given a variety snacks in between times.

Hi Tori - I was actually referring to Lorayn saying that she doesn't allow her children to eat anything else other than specified meals (or at least thats how I interpreted what she was saying).

I agree with you about encouraging to eat a reasonable amount. As a parent you know what your child is capable of eating, and there is faffing around if it's not their favourite. My DCs know that if they don't eat their dinner there is no 'treat' afterwards and we are strict about that, even with DS2 who was 2 this month.

I don't believe in letting them go hungry though, so if they don't eat their meal and they are hungry after a couple of hours they can have fruit or a snack or maybe even reheated lunch!

sorry lorayn - x posts!

Tea went okay tonight. She sat on the booster seat (not strapped in), deciding to go and sit there herself when we called her for tea. She ate her tea, got down by herself when she had enough and let us finish our food in peace. We ignored it when she spat out the chewed up cucumber onto the table.

I think that she must have been reading these threads! Let us see what tomorrow evening brings.

icanfly
Good to hear that it was better yesterday. My DCs improved loads once they went to kindergarten btw, they do like to eat with others.

Absolutely no rigid teaching of table manners to toddlers in this house, and no unwilling restraints, let alone punishments.

We just serve up the food, chat and have a good time for as long as their interest lasts - it's often just a few minutes as Anna points out. Then they wander off. No stress.

dd1 has just turned 3 and mealtimes with her are (mostly!) a pleasure, and we can take her anywhere. I hope she carries on enjoying eating and chatting for many many years to come.

IMO there are big risks attached to making mealtimes unhappy and uncomfortable. I'd just ride it out and keep making the dinner table a pleasant place to be. It'll come right.