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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Irrational behaviour in nearly 3yo

20 replies

SqueeelyMeeely2 · 23/10/2007 11:51

I just need to hear that he is perfectly normal please!

DT2, slightly obsessive about things....i will try to explain:

Example 1) Comes into our bedroom every morning, climbs on the bed, fetches my glasses from window sill and picks up the remote, turns tele on....one morning, i was already wearing my glasses and the remote was on the side of the bed, not on the window sill - cue toddler meltdown.....

Example 2) HAS to open the door to the preschool room at nursery by himself, this morning, someone was coming out as we were coming in, cue another toddler meltdown, ran off screaming "i don't want to go to school", only returned when we promised to shut the door so he could open it - mini meltdown when he saw the door wasn't properly shut.

Example 3) HAS to unlock the back door when we leave in the morning - mummy in a hurry, forgets and does it for him, cue another meltdown.....

Can we see a pattern forming? I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't have a twin who also wanted to do some of these things sometimes, so end up with world war three on the steps of preschool when DT2 doesn't get his own way.....

I have WAY more examples, and tbh I am worried its verging on OCD, everything has to be JUST SO or he can't cope - while I jest now, it could be the start of something else (aspergers, autism?). Development wise he is fine, walks, talks, etc etc and when I am on the ball involving him in everything, and when i have oooooodles of time to let him do stuff for himself we are a happy house, BUT the minute we have to be somewhere at a certain time and I take my eye off the ball and unlock the car or try and put him in the wrong car seat, all hell breaks loose and I mean there is nothing that can calm him down other than time out.....

Anyone?

OP posts:

witchandchips · 23/10/2007 12:00

perfectly normal imo. certainly describes my son!

Two things are going on

boundary testing. Seeing if he can get his way by screaming etc. - bit of him wants you to be firm as he needs you to be stronger than he is and a bit just wants his own way
think all pre-schoolers are a bit OCD. They are just understanding cause and effect. They know when they do certain things in a certain way everything is okay. They think this is causal. (i.e. you drive safetly because he is in the right seat). Think we just have to grin and bear it

kindersurprise · 23/10/2007 12:36

My DD was not so bad, but DS was a terrible with this for a while. Everything had to be done in a certain order.

Sometimes I let him, depending on how much time we had. Othertimes I carried him screaming to where we were going.

He grew out of it (he is now 3.3yo. It helped when I told him what we were going to do, "we are going to get dressed, then clean our teeth, then leave for kindergarten...". He was better when he knew our schedule.

nailpolish · 23/10/2007 12:39

yep all sounds familiar to me and perfectly normal

MotherFunk · 23/10/2007 12:45

Message withdrawn

witchandchips · 23/10/2007 12:51

aah the magic ability of a mother to worry about everything! children are different, just becasue something is normal does not mean it is not normal not to have it. For example liking marmite

princessPUMPKINmel · 23/10/2007 12:53

This all happened with ds. He'd also go crazy if his banana broke, if I took the lid of his yoghurt, If I unzipped his grobag etc....... Normal!!!!

GrapefruitMoon · 23/10/2007 12:56

Perfectly normal - and I can actually remember doing something similar as a small child - don't remember the exact circumstances but insisted on re-doing something that someone else had done that I had wanted to do

Reamhar · 23/10/2007 12:59

I think all toddlers have their habits, but if you're really worried about it why not have chat with GP just to set your mind at rest?

Problem might be that you work so hard to avoid his tantrums by puttings things in certain places, that the behavour gets repeated and it become normal? Maybe, I don't know. I doesn't sound too extreme to me at any rate.

My own three year old has his moments, usually around bathtime, and usually with dh, ie that's not the way mummy does it, puts it, uses... tired child, and melt down sometimes follows. Helps to keep dh on his toes.

However, this seems to have got better as he's getting closer to his 4th birthday.

ArmadilloDaMan · 23/10/2007 13:00

DS does these type of things.

Drives me up the wall sometimes.

He also has obsessions with things like doors and nothing entertains him more than opening and shutting a door for 1/2hour

welshmum · 23/10/2007 13:00

I think this hangs around for a while too, especially around bedtime. Dd(5) has a certain number of things that have to be done before feeling ready for sleep. It's a comfort mostly I think (not ruling out a bit of procrastination though)

Original poster

SqueeelyMeeely2 · 23/10/2007 13:31

thanks guys i do feel more at ease now, and like i said, i can handle it a lot of the time - but when we late and i just want something doing, it's painful to watch him put toothpaste on the toothbrush and miss then try again......even if i am jovial about it, "here let mummy do that" he'll let me put the toothpaste on then scrubs it off in the sink and starts again - oh and the tap is not allowed to go on until he has brushed at least once.....

am i making a rod for my own back, should i be avoiding these meltdowns or letting them happen? i find if i ignore said screaming fit, he runs off (at home not an issue, let him scream it out in the pantry, not bothered), but when i am out with him, the danger he puts himself in just makes me flip out - natural i guess to scream as your 3yo heads towards a main road because mummy dared to open the car door for him......I think cos i have a twin who isn't like this i am comparing all the time "why can't u be like your brother?"

I just not sure how to deal with him to 1)avoid it 2) cope when it does happen....

OP posts:

kindersurprise · 23/10/2007 13:55

Oh, Princesspumpkin, I remember the broken banana syndrome. He used to cry if his sandwich fell apart too.

All these stories have reminded me of the things DS used to do.

I think they just grow out of it, he does not do it now. If a banana breaks he just says, "banana kaputt" then carries on eating it.

Most of the time I let him do his wee routine thing, I think at that age it is a comfort thing, they like having control over their own life (or over their banana at least ). I cannot remember when he stopped doing it, shortly before his 3rd birthday I think. Once he was able to be reasoned with and understand that life goes on, even with a broken banana.

witchandchips · 23/10/2007 13:59

trick with broken bananna is to get a piece of kitchen roll and wrap up the other half so that they can eat both bits "like a monkey"

Original poster

SqueeelyMeeely2 · 23/10/2007 14:15

we have been through the broken banana syndrome too, and the broken biscuit and the taking the skin completely off the banana, and taking the wrapper completely off the biscuit.....

Thing is he is an absolute angel at other stuff - he is completely dry in the day now - whereas his bro still has about 2 accidents a day, he eats perfectly, very little mess on him and his clothes, his bro ends up wearing his dinner, he knows his letters, plays on his thomas laptop and gets a lot of the questions right, by himself, his bro, doesn;t give two hoots about letters, would rather be running round in circles singing bob the builder.....

So i dunno - live and let live, he is an individual, just don't want him growing up having to do things a certain way, not stepping on the lines when walking on the pavement, washing his hands 24 times every hour, that sort of thing, lining his coke cans up symmetrically.....

OP posts:

kindersurprise · 23/10/2007 14:24

Squeely,

have you been watching this film too often?

Stop worrying, he is fine. A fully paid up member of the broken banana brigade.

madamez · 23/10/2007 14:33

Mine does it too, sometimes (is 3.1) - has to turn on the light himself, walk on the right bit of the pavement.. the Manhole Covers thing drives me demented. It;s some sort of game with rules only comprehensible to DS, and I have to walk on some manhole covers/gas outlets/water meter thingys and not others, so does he, get it wrong and it's meltdown time. Actually, that one seems to be dwindling a bit now but there will no doubt be something else soon.

Original poster

SqueeelyMeeely2 · 23/10/2007 14:54

kinder i love that film, but oculdn't bare it if DT was the one turning up to a cafe with his own knife and fork!

Oh and thats another thing, he HAS to have the YELLOW cutlery mummy, the YELLOW cutlery!

OP posts:

kindersurprise · 23/10/2007 15:09

DS went to Nurburgring with DH and Granddad this summer, he had to sit on the blue seats, NOT THE YELLOW ONES!!!

Still has to use blue plates. Hmm, he is obviously not quite over this phase yet.

pagwatch · 23/10/2007 15:12

FWIW as the mother of a child who had ritualistic behaviours and then went on to be diagnsed as profoundly ASD... all kids can derive comfort from routine and ritual. We all do it to a certain extent (hands up who always aims for the same place in the car park?), the thing becaomes a problem when it is life inhibiting and when it does not abate.
I think you should only be concerned if his list of things needing to be just so continues to increase or if you start to be bothered by any other symptoms - which at the moment you clearly don't.
As for how to handle it, that is tricky. I felt like the worst mother in the world when I challebged DS's rituals. But with time and patience even his have been reduced. What we do is when faced with a likely trigger we try and talk him through it and reassure him that he will be fine. It is their fear that the world will end if things arn't just so that they need to learn to cope with..
I try to warn in advance when things will be different. I remain calm as I can. And i don't let the tantrum win because crucially if i do that I am actually CONFIRMING his fears for him.
If I were you ( FWIW) i would let him draw comfort from routine where you can and accept it as a passing phase but I would be strong and at the same time comforting when he should cope with something for the sake of your sanity .
don't know if that helps but good luck
PS DS is doing really well and routine is a very minor problem now

Original poster

SqueeelyMeeely2 · 23/10/2007 15:23

thanks pagwatch, very reassuring!

generally we give in to his ways of doing things (because it's easier, and we also have another twin who also needs us, and wants to have some attention), but like you say, when it gets in the way is when we have issues. DH and myself have issues with lack of patience, so it can be we all end up melting down! at which point i have to lock myself away to calm down.

OP posts:

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